From the Far East

Korean Students vs. American Students

2010-02-24T23:44:00.000-08:00

To follow up on the differences of childhoods between South Korea and the United States, here is a video my company now makes all of its foreign teachers watch.

The differences are huge! I have no idea how anybody can survive without American Idol! It's just amazing.

Two Things that made me laugh out loud today

Seeing the kids struggle mightily with this wordsearch
The students pronouncing Alabama, like Alobama, as in the President of the States

A Little Bit of Everything

2010-02-10T22:49:00.000-08:00

1) A dialogue on the happenings of home:

Zach: Matt was asking me questions on how to handle a situation. It seems a girl has entered his life. If you know Matt, and you do, then you know how rare of an occurrence this is.

Me: Matty has a girlfriend?

Zach: A looker too. But he hasn't got her yet. The ball was falling where it needed to, even overcoming a few hiccups along the way. But then Matt got punched in the face.

Me: Matt got in a fight? I don't even recognize this guy anymore!

Zach: It wasn't really a fight. A Washburn football player, a real big Samoan, a mean SOB drilled Matt in the face. Matt said he didn't even see the punch coming, didn't even know a fight was brewing and doesn't know what caused it. The punch, damaging enough, wasn't the punishing blow. Knocked backwards by the hay maker, Matt flipped over the rail of a deck and twisted his ankle. Scratch that, sprained his ankle.

Me: Booze was involved I'm sure of it. Did Matt instigate this affair?

Zach: There's conflicting stories. Some people say Matt was breaking up a fight, which by the way, Matt's a bouncer at the Hawk. Did I tell you that?

Me: (nodding my head yes, with an expression on my face that says, "You've told me a minimum of five times in the last ten days, that Matt is a bouncer at the Hawk.")

Zach: Anyway, some say Matt was starting a fight. That's neither here nor there. Matt has a love interest, but he has a swollen face and a busted ankle. I mean, he was worked over. And this hottie, a Vietnamese chick, invited him to a formal dance. Matt was in no position to bust any moves or tear up any carpet suffering from both White Man's Syndrome and a bum ankle. So he said he sprained his ankle playing basketball.

Me: He should of said he got in a fight. As the saying goes, chicks dig rebels.

Zach: I told him girls like that. He told me, "Zach, not when you get your ass kicked. They like ass kickers!" Touche Matt, touche.

2) Parent-Teacher Conferences

I have parent-teacher conferences this week. There's only one parent that I've encountered so far that is fluent in English. That was the only parent-teacher conference that I had a significant part in. Parent-teacher conferences are so boring. I am just a mannequin. The conversations are entirely done in Korean, and I speak for a little under a minute, what I say is then translated into Korean. Each conference is about ten minutes long, I'd rather watch paint dry.

My co-teacher, Eva, does 97% of the talking. I just try and sit there with good posture. After about the seventh conference, roughly an hour of talking to parents, I started thinking of that story above. At first, I cracked a smile at Matt saying, "Not when you get your ass kicked Zach; They don't like that! They like ass kickers!" Then I started to chuckle silently. I'm sorry, Matt getting beat up by a large Samoan is funny. The more I began to think about the whole silly scenario the harder it was to contain by growing smile. Then I started to laugh...out loud. I couldn't help myself.

I'm sure the mother asked Eva, "Why is this crazy foreigner laughing?" Eva asked me what was funny, and I told her a non-funny story about the parent's child. The mother, thinking anything about her child was good, began to laugh out loud too. Maybe Eva translated the story so it was funny. But for whatever reason, the mom began to laugh. Eva then joined the party. So all three of us were laughing in this teacher's conference. This all started because of a twisted ankle and a big Samoan.

3) B-Ball

Last night, I went to play basketball at an indoor court. Indoor courts are as rare as a cold day in hell, here in Korea. Indoor courts that foreigners have access to are worth there weight
in gold. Jason, a good wholesome Canuck and a co-worker of mine, got a precious invite. Because these gyms are so rare, the organizer of the gym sends out very few invites. If this gym was open to every foreigner, it would be flooded with them. Luckily, he gave Jason the opportunity to invite one more person. Jason, who is somehow fooled into believing that I am a good guy, invited me to the glorious indoor court.

Having just spent the whole day bored off my you know what, I was looking forward to playing some basketball. This also happened to be the same day I got a good laugh at Matt's expense. Within fifteen minutes of playing, I promptly landed on another guy's foot and sprained my ankle. Karma.

4) Zach

Zach lives in my neighborhood. He's just a five minute walk from my house. This is great for obvious reasons. Last year he was about an hour away, so we only got together about once a week. I expect to see a lot of the big guy this year.

5) Pink

It's said, brave men wear pink. South Korean men must be the bravest in the world. Hey look, I love a good Salmon colored shirt, but these guys will wear any shade of pink, even Hot Pink. There's even a store called Pink, which sells both female and male clothing.

April's Levels

2010-02-04T00:50:00.000-08:00

A Breakdown of April's Levels

Seedbed Starter- This class is taught entirely by Korean teachers. They are the tiniest kids in the school with ages varying between four and six. Entry level English is all you'll hear in these classrooms. How are you? My name is __________. I am ________.

Seedbed 1 and 2- This is the next level, so once the kids graduate/get too old for Seedbed Starter they go to Seedbed 1 and 2, with 2 being the higher level of the two. My partner teacher and I teach the majority of these low level courses. I like them. They can be difficult, because the children aren't great English speakers; however, they get the gist of what you say. The program is very easy to run and is very multimedia friendly. The entire lessons have computer based programs which are very interactive. The kids can come to the white board at the front of the classroom and write the answers on the board. My school claims that these kids levels are on par with American children enrolled in kindergarten. In my eyes, that's a bold, debatable claim, but I haven't been around many kindergartners to test it. I teach four seedbed classes.

Seed 1 and 2- At this level, you can start having conversations with kids. They have a pretty good vocabulary, but struggle to put their thoughts in complete sentences. Ages 8-10. About your average 1st grade level back, according to April. I teach two seed classes.

Sprout 1 and 2- Similar to Seed 2, only these students are better. Ages 8-12. Comparable to a second to third grade American student in English. Now I'm going to hit the "bull shit button" because there is no way these kids are at that level. It's possible some of them, that the best Sprout students have the vocabularies of a second or third grader. Maybe even better, but they don't have the conversational ability of a third grader. I teach 0 Sprout classes.

Sapling 1 and 2- The next step up is Sapling. These children are gifted. They had a speech competition that would blow your mind. The topic was global warming, which I think is a sham, which is neither here nor there, but the kids were WOW! Addressing all the issues of what climate change could do in the foreseeable future. It was impressive. Ages 8-13. I teach 0 classes at the Sapling level.

Junior Master 1- These 3 children are the cream of the crop. There are only three of them, and I have the pleasure of teaching them. Basically, it's like my manager said, "We stuck you with all the rug rats, so, here you go... Here's Junior Master. They can speak and read. Have fun." Emma is 8, Tommy is 10 and Jayne is 10. Their topic today is family, which sounds like a nice easy topic, right? Wrong! We have to discuss South Korea's birthrate "problem" and think of the implications of that problem, try to come up with solutions for that problem and look at other countries to see how they combated their birthrate problem. I love the class, because I constantly learn stuff!

Student Profile: Daniel

2010-02-03T23:01:00.000-08:00

Named after my beloved Grandpa, Daniel is just seven years old. He is a beginner. Our school has 12 different classes based on a student's English proficiency, Daniel is in the second lowest class, Seedbed 1. He is anything but fluent and still makes mistakes. But he can read! The purpose of Seedbed 1 class is to really hone student's pronunciation and learn phonics. Reading is required, but some students struggle. Daniel is the second student profiled, because he has really shown a lot of growth in the two and a half months I've been here. Daniel once struggled reading but not anymore!

There are many amusing things about teaching small children. For example, they love to stand up. Why? I have no idea, but in any given class, at any given time, I might have 15-20% of the children in the room standing up. They might be excited. They might want to answer the next question. They might not know the customs of adults, so they do what they want. Some of their feet don't touch the ground while they sit, so maybe that's why they stand. I honestly don't know. Daniel is a stander, and not only does he love to stand up, but he loves to walk around the room. What separates a stander from a walker is obvious, right? A stander just stands at his/her desk or in extreme cases on their chair, but a walker wanders around the room.

Daniel is nosy. He likes to see how people are doing on whatever task is at hand. He likes to compare his answers to theirs. He likes to be at the center of the stage, a prominent fixture of the classroom. So if I might be heading to the board to erase something, Daniel might be there to do it for me. There's an abundance of reasons why Daniel walks around. It's safe to say that of all my students, Daniel leads them all in the amount of times I have to say "Sit Down."

I also think, as evidenced by his rapid growth in English and extroverted personality, that he will be an excellent English speaker in a few years.

Going up to Country

2010-02-01T22:41:00.000-08:00

Need a break from the drudgery of a 1-8, Monday-Friday job? Tired of pesky 5-12 year old children? Then it seems like Muju is the place for you!

Taming Muju is not a task for the light hearted. Just to make it there, you have to get up before the butt crack of dawn. The bus that goes up to country * leaves at 4:20 in the AM! That means to make it to bus pickup on Saturday morning, I am waking up before I usually cash my Friday night in. In fact, my buddy Travis was at a bar located right down the street from where our bus pickup was located.

*I think I got carried away with that link, but it is one of my all time favorite songs; it just always gets me in a better mood.

(Travis is on the right, Justin on the left)

I once, at length, wrote about how hard it is for me to get up in the morning. That McDonald's breakfasts are the only thing that gets me through. Waking up before McDonald's even serves breakfast is just wrong!

As you can see, skiing (as with pretty much everything in South Korea) is super-duper packed, but Muju was so beautiful it was well worth a few long lines and a cou ple crashes on the slopes.

Meg paid five dollars for her skiing coat in China! Oh the beauty of knock offs! (and sweat shops)

The picture to the left is pretty breathtaking. The whole mountain was frosted over giving it a real Winter Wonderland look. Hats off to Meg for taking some really fine pictures!

Has anybody seen the show Meet the Natives? It is a show on the National Geographic channel here in South Korea. I've fallen in love with it, even though I've only seen one episode. The insight the "Natives" showed within only five days of being in America was incredible. Anyway, during one point in the episode, (they were in Montana on a ranch learning about cowboys) they described mountains as being so tall, that they could touch clouds. The ski lift actually vanishes into the clouds at the top of the mountain.

Student Profile

2010-01-26T17:47:00.000-08:00

Jayne: 10 years old.

Jayne is a twin, and it's easy to see that Jayne is the dominant twin. She's in a more advanced class than her sister. Because Jayne got to the Junior Master class, which is the top level of our academy, her mom rewarded her with a brand new cell phone. Her Twin, Stacey, got nothing. Jayne is a conversational student, but is very shy, what Jayne excels at is writing. She writes logical, concise debates. She plays the piano and the violin. She wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She is one of my top students.

Childhood

2010-01-15T19:02:00.000-08:00

The differences between Korean and western culture are vast. Despite my 14 months of residence in this beautiful country, I am by no means an expert on Korean culture. So I'll stick to just to a difference in childhood between Korea and the United States.

The kids right now have a month off of public school. They also get around 5 weeks off in the summer, so Korean children do indeed partake in the year round school schedule. And, as I found out on Friday, just because the students are off of school doesn't mean they're not going to school. I'll give you some examples.

The youngest student I teach is 5 years old. She's a young five years old, too. She is so little. Her feet don't even come close to touching the ground when she sits in her chair. They dangle happily, as if they're better off not touching the ground. She wears pigtails everyday. She has the biggest dough eyes. She looks like a doll, just like a porcelain doll. She can read and write and answer who, what, where, why, and how questions. Her name is Candy, and she is cute. She's been learning English for over a year now. But she is only 5, and cries here and there. Her mom brings her to the academy everyday. I think she misses her mom, and that's why she cries.

Once the bell rings, signaling the end of class, she'll start to put all her things away, but the problem is, she's only five. She's very slow at it. Zipping up her backup takes a colossal effort from her. She gets a panicked look on her face as she sees all the other kids running out of the classroom like it's on fire, and I know that she truly needs my help. You can tell that she just wants to run out with the other kids (those kids are 6-8 years old) and play. So I'll help her, and she'll run off to go to the next place.

The next place could be her loving mother's arms, or it could be a piano academy. It could be a Korean language academy. The point is, even though she's five, I'm sure there is another lesson to be taught on some subject. And Candy, at the expense of her mother's checkbook, will be attending that lesson with her big, helpless eyes fixated on another teacher even though she is five years old. At least, that's what I think, but she could be in her mother's arms for all I know.

Here's a schedule that I do know. Human, who chose his own name, has a sense of humor. He's 12, and he's the tallest kid in the academy. His English level is conversational, although he never leaves his trusty stand by answers of "maybe" and "I don't know" far away. He's independent, and always sits at the back of the room. He elects for public transportation rather than the shuttle buses my academy offers every student. He navigates his way through a city of 3.8 million people seamlessly. He doesn't have a cell phone, which is a big deal in Korea. I mean, hell, even little Candy has a cell phone. He loves computer games and hates school. During his winter break, he's attending six academies!

Academies are extra-curricular, private institutions that teach the children something. And believe me, there are academies for everything. Human's academies are: English, math, clarinet, Korean, computer,* and an academy on how to speed read.** Even when he does not have school, HE HAS SCHOOL. There is no time to play. He goes all over the city to attend these academies. He takes the subway or buses to get to them. The guy is lucky to get 7 hours of sleep with his schedule.

I have another student who is at a swimming academy from 10-4 Monday-Friday. He's in a swimming pool practicing his breast stroke to become the next best swimmer. His brother has the same schedule only substitute swimming for golf.

Childhood is truly vocational training here. All work and no play. The innocence of growing up is lost when you're 12 and already grown up. I know that some people from the western world wish they would of utilized their time more efficiently growing up, you know, actually learned that second language, followed up on those piano lessons, or studied harder. I do anyway. Well, South Koreans are very efficient with their time growing up, and I am here to tell you it's a shame. There's more to childhood than preparing for adulthood.

* That's all he told me is computer. I don't even know what that means it's so vague, but he gave me the "I don't know response" when I asked him questions on it.

** At the University of Missouri, in large lecture halls, I would always see these fliers scattered about the floor advertising clinics to help improve your reading pace. This was at college, and here Human is doing it at 12 years old. It's crazy over here.

Journal Entry Day 2

2009-12-06T02:01:00.000-08:00

Continuing this mock journal series. A fictional account of adventures in Southeast Asia.

It was almost one o'clock in the afternoon when humid air hit my lungs and sunshine touched my pale skin. I explained to cab driver after cab driver, that I had a ride, that I knew where I was going, that I did not need to be bothered. Thailand has beautiful beaches and ethically challenged public transport drivers. To curtail this, the Thai government setup an English booth where they would translate your destination to the driver. They tell you a price to expect to pay in an effort to avoid the infamous Thai runaround. There's a phone number to tattle tale on the driver, if anything is suspicious. Of course, as with anything governmental, there wan an inefficient, long line.

It must of been the sunshine, because the sleepless flight was not rearing its head mentally. Physically, I had bags under my eyes, that you could ski down. And Pobby, the driver was quick to let me know, "You look sick." "Do you have swine flu." Anyway, that's what I think he said. The rest of the exchange went something like this:

Me: Bobby, do you think I have swine flu? (note: Many Asians, especially in Korea, have English nicknames to make it easier on foreigners. They seem to like these names as well, that's why I thought his name was Bobby.)
Pobby: Pobby, Pobby.
Me: Javy? (English can be very hard to understand...)

Pobby was now showing obvious displeasure in our inability to get past the most rudimentary of conversations. Giving up on having a conversation on my health, Pobby worked through the adversity and said, "Like Bobby, but P." Check mate. "Pobby!!!" I yelled, bringing a smile to his sweaty face. Thailand is known as the land of smiles. I know this due to Pobby's reckless tailgating. Being mere feet from a cab in front of us, I could easily make out the bumper sticker on the car in front of us. When Pobby ran the red light, well, that's when I started to cheer. Cheaper taxi rates are truly one of life's little pleasures.

Getting took advantage of; however, is one of the worst things. Pobby, not worried about any foreigner reporting him, pulled into a filling station off the highway. Pobby handed the gas station clerk, a man that checked in at about 5 feet, all the money in his hand, which totaled less than three dollars. And, in that moment, I became confused. This should not happen, I thought. On the other hand, it was only for a minute, and the meter might of gone up fifty cents. Poor Pobby is probably down to his last smoke judging by the bent and weightless pack of Marlbaro Reds. I can't say anything. He only put three dollars in the cab.

"Pobby, no more red light running, okay?" Yes, Yes, we almost out of gas back there," he said, flashing a million dollar grin, that let me know that this vacation was not about sweating the small stuff.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T17:01:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving really crept up on me this year. I didn't even know it was turkey day until about two o'clock in the afternoon! Last year, if you can recall, Meg and I went to Outback Steakhouse with another friend to get a little taste from home. It wasn't a turkey dinner, but how can you ever go wrong with steak? Since Thanksgiving is all about tradition, Meg and I set out to repeat that feat. Outback steakhouse happens to be two subway stops away from where I live. Once again we were treated to some fantastic fillets, cheerful service, and a taste of home. We followed that up with a walk on the beach. I love this place. Here is a Korean commercial for Outback:

My Training Week

2009-11-23T04:50:00.000-08:00

If you're not interested in a couple of paragraphs dedicated to how much my life sucked last week, then spare yourself ten minutes and skip this entry. Consider yourself warned.

When your leaving your country/home for a year, your health is not a big priority. In fact, it doesn't make the list. Up at the top of that list, is hanging out with friends and family, and that's exactly what I did. I ended up in Manhattan on a Saturday night with the intention of tying one on, and believe it or not, when you set out to tie one on, you do it rather easily. With my immune system hammered drunk the next day, I was vulnerable to all the elements.

Everybody should be aware by now of the hardships of flying in a single aircraft for over 10 hours. I certainly am. I wasn't aware; however, of flying for over 10 hours sick with the flu. Let's just save some space and say it was crappy.

The next five days was spent either in a training room or in my hotel room studying. It was seriously as intense as finals week back at Mizzou. I took four written tests, listened to seminar after seminar on teaching techniques, and I taught using the techniques that were given to us. Basically, it felt like a real job. It felt like I'm getting old and have some responsibility in my life. I just wish I felt good while attending this hell week. Instead, I was trying hard not to cough up a lung. I was trying not to sneeze nuclear yellow snot all over myself. These were not the ideal circumstances.

They don't really tell you this when you're in America; they just gloss right over it. They tell you that 87% of the people that come to training end up with jobs, but they didn't tell you that training was in essence an extended job interview. An interview that could theoretically cost me up to 1300 dollars (the cost of a round trip ticket), if it didn't go well. Fortunately for me it went well, and I was offered the job. If you're interested in the grammar part of my test, check out a few of the items that were covered on my test. (this was a portion of our study guide)

Subject and Verb Agreement

Conditional Verb Forms

Dependant Clauses

Parallel Structures

Story Time

2009-11-05T12:30:00.000-08:00

I was in Southeast Asia for five weeks. The time frame is too long for me to write about in my normal way. I need to write about just the specific events, which sounds easy enough. The only problem is I cannot write that way. I don't know why. I'm going to write a fictional journal based on some of my stories/experiences.

Day 1

Flying is not much fun, period. Flying to the other side of the world, across the Pacific, across 12 time zones is going to be dreadful. I'm standing in an international "que" in the Big D. From the city of fountains to Dallas, Texas, took two hours, now I have a three hour layover here in George Bush's state. Big must be the motto of Texas, because they have big stadiums, big trucks, and BIG people. "Everything is bigger in Texas." Observing obscenely obese people standing stationary on moving walkways with high fructose corn syrup pumping through their veins, one hand holding a soda the other candy as if they're at the movies. This cringing sight will make you want to get the hell out of Texas. Yet, as far as my journey goes, the bigness of Dallas is perfect, after all this is the biggest trip of my life.

Traveling in a plane from Dallas to Bangkok, Thailand will be awful, and there's just no way around it. 18 and a half hours spent on a plane with crying babies, sniffling ill, and complainers does not make for an enjoyable day. My only chance for salvation happens to be the Nyquil pills in my pocket. I hope the six pills I popped do the trick. I already missed out on the airline carrier since I'm flying American. American Airlines home of the most 50 year old washed up, working women in the world. These women literally hate stewarding, but are still there thanks to unions and other "rights" supplied to them by "progressive" thinkers. 45 year old men can thank those progressive thinkers as well. These aren't my ideal flight attendants. That certainly includes Thor, a gay man about the age of 50 who was just a little too friendly if you catch my drift.

These were not the faces of American Airlines in the 50's or 60's, and these are not the faces of the airline carriers occupying Asia. I'd do anything to fly Korean Air and not just for the free booze they provide. The stewardesses are beautiful, gracious, caring, and not a day older than 35. Although, Asians age well, so they could be much older. Oh well, American Airlines be damned, I'll be on the beautiful beaches of Thailand soon enough.

Entry Part Two Day 1

Despite six usually knock me on my ass pills, no crying babies, a dark, quiet cabin, and a small passenger sound asleep next to me I still can't sleep. Oh, it's so frustrating. The excitement of my future undertakings are at epic proportions. I want to do it all: eat delicious, fresh food right from a street vendor, play sand volleyball on some of God's best beaches, chat/drink with people from all over the world, seek out hidden, off the map tourist treasures, head to the cheesiest tourist attractions, and ride an elephant. I've wanted to ride an elephant my whole life. This will be the holy grail of my vacation. With five weeks at my disposal dispersed amongst only two countries, I should have ample time to accomplish that feet.

For the past three months, I've lived at home, with my parents, with no car, no phone, no bed, and no life. I'm ready for adventure. I'm ready for freedom. I'm ready for Asia.

Thailand

2009-07-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

This has got to be fast, because it's expensive. I'm alive and well. I can't stop going to the bathroom. It seems that in Thailand soap is even more of a luxury than in Korea. That problem aside, I've been having a blast.

We did the mayabay camping trip. We've gone snorkeling three times. We've seen the best beaches in the world. We've been on long boats, speed boats, and ferries. We've ate great food. We've stayed in crummy places. We've kayaked. We've swum with Nemo, aka clownfish. We've read books, sipped cocktails and fruit shakes, and played all while on the beach.

Traveling in Thailand is stress free. They hold your hand threw thw whole process. It has been a breeze. I will update later.

The Carnival

2009-07-06T05:06:00.000-07:00

A Korean carny is as awesome as you would expect.* I once had an incident involving the Octopus in an American carnival. If you don't know what ride the Octopus is you really need to get out more. It might be the most ubiquitous carny ride.* Basically, I learned you can't trust a carny worker with random patches of hair scattered throughout his Oklahoma City sun burnt face. He's far more interested in creeping out any high school girls coming his way than looking out for the safety of a child. Besides, he has to smoke another red and look cool in his wife beater, who cares about the kid whose door wasn't properly locked. But I'm 23 now and ready for thrills, so that little incident won't deter me.

*That sentence was thrown together for the sole purpose of using a big word.

Being scared at a carny in the States is probably more based on incompetence of both man and machine. Being scared here in Korea is another animal. A whole different dog. For starters, the only rule is there are no rules. The machine operators take you to the limits, especially if you're a foreigner. Ride durations are stunningly long. One of the best things about rides is their brevity, the uncomfortableness is minimized to a minute or a minute and a half, but not here. There is this ride called the Crazy Flip. It basically flips you upside down and throws you about. It's a lot of fun for a couple of minutes, but after five minutes it loses its wonder. Un-com-for-ta-ble. After hanging upside down for far longer than any orangutan in the jungle, it will give you quite a blood rush to the head.

The next ride we went on was the Disco! The sole purpose of this ride was to make your life miserable. Here is a picture of the ride:

It's a circular, spinning, bucking nightmare. The operator looked at the ten or so of us foreigners and said, "I'm terminator." The object of the ride is not to be bucked off. It's similar to a giant bucking bull in that regard. I grabbed anything I could and held on for dear life. The floor of this ride is padded. The "Terminator" will not stop the ride until a few unfortunate souls fall down. The entire ride is crazy. The ride throws you out of your seat when it bucks. If you weren't holding on, you would fly right out of your seat. Meg almost did, but luckily for her she's dating a superhero who happened to save her.

The best thing about this fun filled night was the bumper cars. To be honest with you, I love bumper cars. Bumper cars became a huge part of my summers at the Ozarks. 30 years from now, I'll remember the long, boring afternoons spent driving throughout the Ozark countryside as the rents looked for houses. Those trips were only tolerable, because more often than not they were topped off with a trip to the Dam. And that meant bumper cars. There is nothing like taking your frustration out on those who frustrated you. I was locked in like a heat seeking missile on Dave. This was my normal thought process, "You want to bore me to tears. You want me to listen to 8 Steely Dan albums. My friends are out tubing, while I'm picking up ReMax fliers on the front lawns of houses we'll never see again. I hope you have a good chiropractor." Dave and I had some good battles. Bumper cars just ooze nostalgia for me.

So, I was absolutely not surprised when I was the first one in line for the bumper cars at this carnival, however, these were not your normal pedestrian bumper cars. These were bumper cars from like the 1970's. These were bumper cars before lawyers. These things were a whiplash in the making. You could see the the volts of electricity on the ceiling while driving. There were no rules. Hell, half of the people in the pit weren't wearing their seat belts. Head on collisions weren't banned; they were encouraged! They were the fastest b-cars I've ever seen. They made the 5 hour car drive to Busan worth it by themselves. The hits were brutal, the lines were non-existent, and the memory will be unforgettable. I had a great time at a Korean carnival.

The Second Commercial

2009-07-01T01:17:00.000-07:00

Remember my last commercial? It was more or less an awkward train wreck. I was testifying on behalf of a product that I never used. The director exclusively spoke Korean. And I was paid in a free health examination that I've never used. It was a pretty horrible experience.

So when Meg got a call on Tuesday night from a friend about a possible upcoming commercial, she asked me if I was interested. Without hesitation I answered, "Absolutely." I'll give it a second chance. When Meg told me that we were going to be paid 200 dollars in cash, well, that sealed the deal for sure. Meg and I had to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to make it to the infamous casino. Waking up at 6 is not my cup of tea, and once again I failed to get McDonald's due to time constraints. We arrived at the casino at 8:00 o'clock in the morning after an hour spent in the subway. The casino happens to be the place where I lost 200 dollars, (I blame the White Russians) so I figure they owe me this anyway. There was no dialogue in this part as an added bonus.

Acting is very awkward. That's the only way to describe it. It's unnatural to be pretending in front of people. I remember the children who pretended in front of others growing up were the ones that got made fun of. I still have emotional scars. I also have a theory on cameras: People either love them or hate them, and I hate them. There is one video (that I know of) of me on the internets*. As you can see, I'm in a crouched position hiding from the camera. I literally hate the damn things.**

*I think one of my roommates specifically typed my whole name. I have no idea why. Perhaps one of you could enlighten me.

**The other hit on my name is this darling quote I gave, "Warnken Properties made my first renting experience a breeze." The first renting experience I had was with Warnken properties. I gave them that quote hoping to receive my entire security deposit back. Of course, they still robbed me of 75 dollars. I gave them that great quote despite the fact that I HATED that company. They would charge us 25 dollars every week too if we didn't take out our trash. Even if our can was empty, we still had to take it to the dumpster. Because we were irresponsible college students, we got charged a lot. 25 dollars split four ways isn't a lot, but it adds up. Even worse, I once got a call from the Fire Marshall telling me that I need to come down to her office for an interview. I'm 20 years old. I'm in over my head the minute I answer that call. My crazy landlord thought someone from my apartment tried to burn down the entire building. She was trying to charge me and my roommates with arson. They eventually found out who did burn the building. It wasn't us, and it was an accident. She was awful. She was a fascist. And now I'm reminded every time I google myself that I sold my soul to that devil with the mere hopes of receiving my entire deposit back.

There was a cast of 6 foreigners hired. We were paired into couples. I was paired with a different woman. Yes that's right, I was in the process of cheating on Meg, but it's okay since we 're "acting." The first shot involved food. I was eating bibimbop, or I guess I had bibimbop in front of me. My "girlfriend" and I were supposed to chit chat and look very excited. They love enthusiasm. So the more ridiculous we got, the more they loved it. The production values on this commercial were amazing. They had extensive lighting equipment, a moving crane that could move the camera in any direction, and makeup artists that would touch up the three women every 15 minutes or so. Meg had a scene where she had to eat sushi. Meg HATES sushi. Not only does she have to eat sushi, but she has to ACT like she loves it. I got such a big kick out of watching her choke down raw fish and attempt to be overly enthusiastic about it.

This scene was followed by a slot machine scene. Complete with high fives, wide smiles, and a fist pump that would make Tiger Woods proud. And finally we did a roulette scene. It was a long morning that rewarded us with a quesadilla breakfast and 200 dollars. It was well worth the awkwardness of acting. And from now on you'll never hear me make another Tom Cruise joke again.

The First Time (not for the squeamish)

2009-06-30T00:42:00.000-07:00

I had a first experience last weekend on an Adventure Korea trip. Every Adventure Korea trip starts the same way... EARLY! For someone who routinely wakes up at 1:00 in the afternoon, waking up at 5:30 in the morning is extremely difficult. This is how the nightmare usually unfolds: First comes anger associated with being tired and hearing an incrementally louder alarm clock. Then, I usually try to talk myself into waking up. I think to myself, "That alarm clock, on the opposite side of the room, will not turn itself off, but it might wake up the neighbors. Get up!" Or I'll think, "Hey, if you get completely dressed and brush your teeth, then you can lie down with your eyes closed for a solid ten minutes." When that doesn't work, then I bring out the big guns. "Come on. You already paid the non-refundable price to go on this trip.* If you don't start moving soon, Meg's going to be pissed." Finally, my last tactic is a huge dose of motivation. "If you get ready soon and forgo the shower,** there might be enough time for McDonald's."*** Of course that works, I love me some Egg McMuffins.****

* Nothing really quite motivates me like throwing money away except for...

** Skipping a shower is easily done, especially in the wee hours of the morning

***...McDonald's gut bomb breakfasts are probably the single greatest way to motivate me in the morning. Perhaps you need an example to illustrate this better. Let's say, I need to get to the airport at 5:30 in the morning. You arrange for an expensive limo, complete with all luxuries a man could possibly ask for, to pick me up at 4:45. The driver is the limo driver in The Big Lebowski my absolute favorite movie of all time. There could be a 1 ounce gold coin waiting for me. All I'm saying is that limo better have some McDonald'd hash browns in it, or I'm going to have a real hard time making the trip. Here's the reality though; I've only actually made it to McDonald's one time. I'm in a 1/15 slump. My average is dog shit. Will it lose it's motivating prowess, of course not!

****The whole episode is very similar to the way a parent has to handle a toddler in the grips of a tantrum on going to church. The big difference is...I'm 23.

To make matters worse, Meg and I decided to go see Transformer's II* the night before...at 12:30... at night. And I don't know if you realize this or not, (we did not) Transformer's has a running time of something like 4 hours. (maybe 2.5 to 3 hours but it feels like 4) I didn't fall asleep until after 4:30, giving me approximately 1 hour of sleep. Needless to say there wasn't enough time to shower or eat McDonald's.

*Make no mistake about it, Transformer's is not a "good" movie, but I was not expecting a "good" movie. My expectations were low, and the movie beat them. I had a good movie experience. Joe Posnanski has a great post about movie going experiences. If you're interested in reading it, skip past the OPS baseball stuff and the random other tidbits. For those of you who don't know Posnanski, he is a columnist for the KC Star, and also happens to be one of the best sports journalists in the nation. To some extent, I have modeled this blog after his, including all the Pozerisks, aka *. The definition of a Pozerisk is, "An aside that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything but is thrown into the middle of the story because the author thinks it’s funny." So far this * definitely qualifies, right? Using his "Movie Expectation Formula," Transformers is a plus 1.5 movie, or in other words pretty good.

Meg and I made it to the bus, which is about a 40 minute commute from our building. Hungry and rushed, we made it with no time to spare. About an hour and a half later, we stopped at a truck stop/gas station. My growling belly directed me towards the food line, where I ordered Korean noodles. I don't know what it was about those noodles, but I think it had something to do with the fact they were microwaved for over three minutes. These piping hot noodles got all kinds of gears turning in my body, and my stomach started growling once again. A different growl this time. A growl that rushed me over to the bathroom.

Oh, Korean bathrooms how I hate you. With a case of the screaming eagles, the last place you want to find yourself is in a Korean bathroom, especially a truck stop Korean bathroom, where the likelihood of toilet paper is roughly 15%. I'm in panic mode now with clenched buttocks. I'm thinking of John Roe;* I'm thinking drastic. I'm marching down every stall seeing two things: Squatters and no toilet paper. Now I start to think, "I've got to go buy TP, but I'm not going to make it. I'm going to be standing in line waiting to purchase TP crapping myself. Then I've got to ride on this bus with the same people, but they'll know I just crapped myself. Oh shit! I've got to steal it." As I'm heading out the door, I see a glorious TP packet left there for emergencies by God himself. I take the whole pack and head to do the unthinkable. I made it 11 months and 1 week without using a squatter.

*I miss John. He's been out of Korea since March. During a night of drinking with Meg and myself, he once infamously went into a Korean bathroom to go number two, because as he says and I now know, "When you got to go, you got to go." He had no TP. He had no toilet. What he had was a squatter and a pair of socks, he came out a legend with one sock. I believe I've told the story before.

Remember, I'm on NO time here. I'm on the threshold. It's just me and a hole in the ground mono e mono, and I realize I have no idea on how to go about this. What side do I choose? Where do I stand? How do I aim? With no time to think, I just squatted down, and in no time I was finished. Everything was fine. No splatter. No mess. If I apply Joe Posnanski's formula to this experience, I come out with a 1.5 once again. Maybe even higher since my expectations were dreadfully low.

So I've probably just tortured you for about five minutes or so, and there doesn't appear to be a silver lining to any of it. I was laughing with Meg about this post. I joked, "If North Korea does go crazy and nukes/destroys Seoul, the last words I ever write are going to be about pooping in a hole. If I'm the only foreigner to die, I might get my 15 minutes of fame and people are going to READ THIS!"

So here's something for you all to chew on. I'm reading a lot about the unintended consequences of political decisions. For instance, if the government prohibits guns or drugs, they create a violent black market. This market attracts criminal minds, because it's illegal and they're large profits to be made from illegal activity. There are many deaths in this criminal world, too, because instead of marketing wars you have gun battles and turf wars. So violence in the country goes up and innocent lives are lost as a consequence to increased violence. Now, more police are hired to fight the outlaws, resulting in higher taxes for the citizens. Police capture many of the criminals, but the incentives of illegal activity are too great, and those captured criminals are quickly replaced. Jail cells now overflow with criminals, again resulting in higher tax payer dollars. All of these reactions happen from one decision, a decision that was conceived to protect people. Now whether that decision is right or wrong is a discussion for another day, I just want to illustrate the effect of decisions.

Here is an unintended consequence of toilets: Hemorrhoids. Think about it. You're not going to read the paper cover to cover while SQUATTING. Squatting is a workout. You have like a minute to go, and then your body gives out. Squatting is also natural. We were built to releave our bodies by squatting. It was what humans did for thousands of years pre-toilet. Beleive me, I'm still going to choose a toilet everytime. I'm just so fascinated with these unintended consquences. They're thousands of them just like this one. Can you think of any?

The Amusement Park

2009-06-28T22:38:00.000-07:00

Does this look familiar? No silly, it's not Disney World; it's Lotte World!

Lotte World is the largest indoor theme park in the world. In addition, there's also a newer outdoor section with some exciting rides.

The indoor portion of Lotte World is huge. There are crowds everywhere! The park was built in 1989 and all the rides indoor date back to the park's founding. So, there weren't a lot of thrills. Koreans have a problem with originality. The music, the movies, the clothes, and the companies are spitting images of American pop culture. For instance, the first Korean movie I saw was, "The Good, the Bad, and the Weird" which was a spitting image of the old Clint Eastwood flick only modified to Korean history. There is a clothing company called Crocodile, which suspiciously resembles Lacoste clothing. Naturally, the rides at Lotte World are clones of Disney World rides. There is a ride in Lotte World named "Sindbad's Revenge" aka "Pirates of the Caribbean" at Disney World.

Outside is where all the fun is, and I sure loved it. There is this one ride called "The Gyro Drop." I'll let this video clue you in on the rest...

As you can see, it's equipped with a sizable drop. When the ride started to accelerate to the top, I looked over at Meg and saw little tears start to stream down her cheek. I made her go on this ride. She was starting to panic. At the top of the ride, when the ride stopped spinning, Meg began to lose it. She screamed, "We're going to die!" And in less than 3 seconds, it was over. Although Meg was shaking like a leaf during November, we lived.

We also got to ride the Gyro Swing, which might be the world's biggest, fastest spinning swing. (click the link for a video) This ride was the closest thing to flying I'll ever experience. There was one worthwhile roller coaster as well. It was a great day.

On to a random note...
Since Micheal Jackson's death, I've heard random Korean storefronts blaring his tunes constantly for the last two days. The guy was an international superstar. He is the one guy whose hit songs can ALWAYS get me to dance or at least drum my foot. I'll never forget the response Billy Jean got at Jimmy's wedding. Those guys who grew up with MJ (too lazy to type it out) made me wish that I grew up in that era. To see 40 year old Jimmy trying to do the splits to Billy Jean was hilarious. The music (and alcohol) motivated him to dance his ass off. His childhood friend, Tom, was singing and moonwalking around the dance floor like he was MJ. It was an awesome sight. The guy was a legend, and I'm a huge fan. So was I sad to here that he died... not really, not at all. He died to me a couple of years after the Free Willy song came out. After he started transforming into a creep, a clown. After he started dangling babies off balconies. After he was accused of multiple child molestations. In the later part of his life, he was overshadowed by the controversies that surrounded him. This is the MJ I know, the caricature version. I'm more bummed out about Billy Mays.

(cont)

2009-06-25T01:31:00.000-07:00

Life really starts to get crazy once we get into Laos. Laos has a wretched infrastructure. Some of the huts/bungalows we'll stay at will be without electricity during the day and at night, they run generators. The roads are so bad. It takes hours to travel 40 miles. So, as of right now, I don't really have a definite schedule for Laos. But I do have three remaining musts on this adventure.

The Gibbon Experience

If a picture is worth a thousand words, than how many words are a video worth?

I'm going to be flying through the jungle on a zip line right next to the Mekong River, staying overnight in a tree house, and maybe looking at some apes. This is actually number one on the list of the four things I most want to do.

Elephants

I haven't decided if I want to ride an elephant or work with them. Many elephants are treated poorly in order to make a profit. They are usually beat into submission and forced to give rides, pan handle, paint, throw darts, and other various things to get money from tourists. So do I want to work with the abused in a national park, or do I want to go on a trek with them in the middle of the jungle? I can ride on their backs with one option. So I'm leaning towards that. Besides, who doesn't wake up in the morning and think, "Man, I got to ride on an elephant sometime in my life. " I know I do.

Floating

Okay, the depressing music is quite bothersome, but look at the size of that rope swing. Floating is one of my favorite things ever, so this could/will be the grand daddy of all them. Hope this also gives you a sense of the beautiful Laotian landscape. The best quote of the video, "So we've just come back to our bugalow for the night, where we don't have electricity, because it's... umm Laos." I'm so excited.

The Itinerary

2009-06-23T00:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is a post for those of you who like to live vicariously. This is the sample itinerary: (requires reading links)

This is all subject to change.

July 15th: Leave the beautiful Incheon International Airport and head for Bangkok.

(image - Wikipedia)

Alright, this is a long flight with a long layover in Singapore. Is a 5+ hour layover considered long? Do we have enough time to go outside and see Singapore?*

*While I've been to Hawaii, I was only there for 2 hours and never left the airport, so have I been in Hawaii? Can I "count" Hawaii as a place I've been?

July 16th: Arrive in Bangkok and head to Kho San Road for a couple of hours.

Well, this is a place as Scott once told me, "It's illegal to have that much fun in America." As you see in this video, the street is swarming with white people in flip flops, hippies from every corner of the world, and Mormons. Yes, even Mormons make it out to Sinners Road. This video looks like a scence from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and is the first video I've ever posted. Some people come to Thailand on vacation and never leave, but don't you worry, mom, I'll be coming home. Hippies on drugs scare me.

July 17th: Head to one of the various travel agencies, pray to get a legit agent and not a scammer, and buy a one-way ticket to Phuket is our game plan for today. From what I've read, Phuket is famous for lady boys and the old dodgy bastards that are with the lady boys. Oh yeah, they are also a boat ride away from some of the world's most famous/infamous* beaches.

*There are a lot of people who HATE what 20th Century Fox did to the island during the filming of The Beach. They basically planted a lot of trees, bulldozed the beach, and spent thousands of dollars picking up trash that tourists left behind. Basically they made it paradise. But they altered it. And now they have lawsuits claiming to have done irreversible damage to the ecosystem.

July 18th: This will be a day to catch our wind. Nothing special is planned. Just a little R&R on the glorious beaches of Thailand.*

*FYI: The Prostitution in Thailand got a big boom during the Vietnam War, when US forces would head down to Thailand for a little R&R, or as what they called it I&I- Intoxication and Intercourse.

July 19th: Once again we tempt fate and put our lives/pocketbooks in the hands of a travel agent. You might be wondering, why not go to straight to the bus terminal/boat company? Apparently, the Thai travel agencies have a stranglehold on the market, so middlemen are required. But our reward for doing so outweighs the risk. Ko Pi Pi is home to some of the best looking beaches in the world, and infamously (as I touched on earlier) hosted the shooting of the movie The Beach. Here is a link to see some breathtaking pictures.

July 20th: We're just going to chill in our bungalow fifteen feet from the beach.

July 21st: This day will be special for me because I have four mandatory things for this trip. On the 20th, I get to accomplish the first one. Meg and I are going to camp out on Maya Bay. Check it out. The reviews people give this experience are amazing. I can't wait.

July 22nd: Today we'll choose between snorkeling, kayaking, swimming, deep sea fishing, rock climbing, or visiting Thai National Park uninhabited islands.

July 23rd: See above.

July 24th: See above.

July 25th: This is one of many hard days of travel. Meg's college friend, Michelle happens to be coming to Thailand on the 26th. She stays until August 1st. The plan is for us to meet up with her on the east coast of Thailand. Here is a map of Thailand:

(image- http://www.lonelyplanet.com/maps/asia/thailand/)

As you can see, Phuket is in the Southwestern corner. Ko Pi Pi (Ko is the Thai word for island, so anytime you see the word Ko you'll know we're on an island) is northwest of Phuket in the Andaman Sea. Phuket got rocked in the Tsunami of 2004 as well as Ko Pi Pi. Thailand's neighbor is Myanmar. Myanmar caught the brunt end of that natural disaster.

Sorry for the digression. Michelle is meeting us at Ko Samui on or around the 27th, so now we'll be on the east coast in the Gulf of Thailand. The Gulf of Thailand is supposed to have better scuba diving, so here is where we might go for a dive. Certifications are like napkins in the third world, so they're not required on most dives.

July 26th: I think (I have no idea) we'll still be traveling today, but we will arrive at Ko Samui and relax.

July 27th: Hopefully we meet up with Michelle today. Today we head north to Ko Pha-Ngam. Another island. More paradise. This island is home of the biggest beach party in the world. 30,000 thousand 20 year old somethings head here to dance and drink all night long. The party is called the Full Moon Party. Unfortunately/fortunately we're going to miss this monster of a party, but luckily we'll get to the watered down version, the Half Moon party on the 28th. By Half Moon party, I don't think 15,000 people will be there either, maybe 5,000. Google Full Moon party to see more if you're interested.

July 28th: Maybe scuba dive. I don't know. Who knows really? I do know that most of you back home will be at work in the middle of a hot, humid Midwest summer, while I'll be sipping umbrella drinks and lying on white sand. (That was just mean spirited, who knows the two Koreas might be at war soon and I'd do anything to be back in Missouri assuming a nuke doesn't vaporize me first) At night, we'll check out the drunken fest. Should be a good time.

July 29th: Back to Ko Samui for the beach life. In fact, I imagine we'll just sleep on the beach.

July 30th: Today we're heading back to Bangkok. Once we get to Bangkok, maybe after a night of sleeping, we're getting on a bus for Laos.

To Be Continued

Dr. Fish

2009-06-16T00:45:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting weekend involving fish. Not raw fish, but actual live fish. I got a pedicure from two different types of fish. One was a sucker, the other a biter. Dr. Fish Cafe, which is really a bar, (with this fish gimmick) is home to this unique experience.

(Meg's feet)

These fish are called:

(Garra rufa)

These guys suck the dead skin off your feet. The fish are known as "Doctorfish" and are quite popular throughout the world. Some go as far to bathe with these little suckers. At the beginning, I was very squeamish, because these little devils tickle! But I've never been too keen at getting the toe jam out of my own feet, so I overcame the torturous tickling.

(Meg's feet to the left)

Yes those are inch long fish biting Meg's feet. These little biters are called:

(Well, if you have eagle eyes you can read it! They are called Chin Chin. (they don't have a wiki page yet))

(My ugly, not to mention hairy feet)

Chin Chin's were by far the better fish. You could feel them nibble away. I mean, you could feel them chomping down taking chunks out of your heel. Actually, you could just feel them nibble. My gigantic feet were the prize for them as well. I averaged twice as many fish per foot than other people around the fish pool. I thought letting the soap water rinse down the rest of my body in the shower was enough to get all the dead skin off, but apparently I was mistaken. (Does that even count as a washing?) Did it hurt? No. It was unnerving at first, but after three minutes the shock wore off and it became normal. Were your feet soft? My feet have never been softer.

This was an awesome experience that I recommend for anyone. In fact, what is better than sipping a White Russian while getting your feet munched on by tiny chomping piranhas?

Busan Pictures

2009-06-03T00:55:00.001-07:00

It's not easy to make Zach look average or even small but I make it happen here. He must be on his knees.

We ate at our local mall today*. The food court of our mall is similar to the setup of a mall back home. And before my very eyes I saw the cutest thing. A little girl, maybe three years old, was running around the food court by herself. She then fell... hard. She began to scream, wince, and grab her knee. She yelled, "Oma, Oma!"** And her mom was nowhere to be found. She started to panic. After her tenth hysterical Oma bellow, we saw a little Korean lady run towards her child. The little girl was calmed immediately at the sight of her mother. It was pretty cute. If she could express her feelings, she would have said this: "I fell Mom! Right on my knee and it hurt so bad! I thought the pain was going to kill me! Where were you when I needed you? I know I just ran away, but I was bored! I hate that prison you call a stroller!*** I needed you, and you weren't there."

*The malls here are more like Department stores back home, only they are like 15 stories and not nearly as wide. The individual stores share the open space, so it feels like one store with different departments. It is hard to tell where one store begins and another ends.

**The Korean word for Mom is Oma. Dad is Apa. How similar are those to Ma and Pa? Now that I think about it, many languages share common sounding words for mother and father.

***Seoul is so dense so public transportation is rampant. That means less cars. That means more walking. That means you might need a serious stroller if you're a mother out shopping. The strollers in Korea are INTENSE. They look more like a 350 cc ATV than a baby carriage. They are designed to go through subway turnstiles, fold into pancakes, go over curbs, and ride escalators. They even have weather guarding plastic shields. The link does not due them justice. The wheels on these strollers exceed 12 inches!

The random thing I'm craving today: A Couch
It is 10:13 at night on Wednesday. I get off work in an hour. I really just want to channel surf while lying on a couch. But I have no couch. Nor have I been on a couch in a long, long time. There is not a lot of room for a couch, when you're living in a small apartment.

Busan

2009-06-02T01:35:00.000-07:00

With the United States Armed Forces and the ROK (Republic of Korea) Army at Defcon 4, and my poor mother going months without a word from her baby boy, I figure now is a good time to update you about the happenings in Korea. North Korea is putting on a show, a full court press, to try and use their military might to leverage more drums of oil and bags of rice from China, Russia, Japan, South Korea, and the US. I’m wondering if the American media has shown the parades North Korea has been throwing; you know the ones with a bunch of poor North Korean men goose stepping with what appears to be a bunch of Sherman Tanks right in front of them. I don’t know how many Sherman Tanks would be needed to take down ONE Abrhams, but I’m starting the over under line at 50! Their aggressive actions don’t scare anyone in Seoul, except the foreigners. But here’s what is scaring the heck out of them, swine flu. And to be honest, I’m scared too!

South Korea is many things, but clean isn't one of them. The chance of you going to a bathroom that has soap in it is a perfect 50-50 shot. The chances of you going to a bathroom with a liquid dispenser or a clean bar of soap (translation- no small curly black hairs on the bar) are nil. It’s pretty amazing to me that I’m not sick more due to the fact that I work with children and our school is horrible with soap. Yes, in my own school, the 50-50 ratio holds true. (Although I just went to the bathroom to check out if there was soap or not, and there was TWO bars of soap!) For your information, the toilet paper in the stall ratio is an abysmal 20% here at my academy.* Howie Mendel would kill himself if he had to stay here longer than an hour. For the most part, it is foreigners that have contracted Swine Flu, or as they call over here SI. Contracting it first from their native countries and then testing positive for it over here upon arrival. Some foreigners were quarantined for an eight day adventure that you should read about that here. Our company has already given us orders to try and avoid the foreigner districts. I’ve heard of companies threatening to fire anyone who is caught in one of these foreign districts.

*I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but South Koreans don’t flush their used toilet paper. They place it in a trash can.* I’m not saying this is wrong, because I vaguely remember watching a TV program on the problems that toilet paper and other wastes can cause on sewage systems; I’m just saying it is different. Especially in public bathrooms with heaping amounts of used TP.

**Many fancier places***, have trashcans that have a lids on them. You know the lids that flip over and turn in to the trash to open up. I simply refuse to use these lids. You push your trash on the lid. Gross. Then the lid touches more trash in the can. Gross.

*** Of course the fancy, fancy places, aka the western places, don’t even offer trashcans. You can simply flush without feeling guilty about it.

Last weekend took a toll on me. There was a Zach sighting! (Yes Aunt Susan I saw your boy, he is alive and well in Korea) Zach lives on a hill overlooking the ocean. His place is awesome. Like I said, Busan is known as the San Francisco of Korea, and the hills of that city overlooking the ocean have to remind you of San Francisco. We enjoyed the sun, the drinks, and the bloody beach battles. We played sports on the beach for hours. First we played football. And not to toot my horn or anything, but honk-honk I was Randy Moss out there. There were four touchdowns scored, and I caught every one of them. Because of my team’s dominance, we quickly switched to Ultimate Frisbee. Here is a funny quote from the Stuff White People Like website in regard to Ultimate Frisbee., “you will never see hippies get more upset than on an Ultimate Frisbee field. It can be jarring to see people who look like they should be playing acoustic guitars yelling at each other about whether or not Blake stepped out of bounds.” I’ve never played “Ultimate” because I’ve never really thrown a Frisbee before, and I certainly haven’t owned one. So I played this sport for dandies, and I’ve never ran so much in my life. The game is just one long transition break after another. With the sun bearing down on me like Tiger 165 yards out on the 18th hole in Augusta and enough beer in my belly to pass out an elephant, this game was exhausting. I take back every negative thing I ever said about Ultimate. I loved it. But everything on a sandy beach next to the ocean is fun. We also hit the batting cages, played soccer and catch.

So as I’m unsteadily typing this, with a sore, sun bruned body, I can’t really tell if I have SI or a hangover from an exhausting weekend. Here are the symptoms of SI: Body Aches, Fever, Headache, and Chills. Oh crap, check, check, check, and check. Excuse me; I’m going to go check myself into the nearest hospital.*

*I hate WebMD, probably because I’m a hypochondriac. If I type in “sore throat:” on their symptoms checker, I get 20 possible conditions. Here are some of the noteworthy conditions that I might have: Toxic shock syndrome, Dust Exposure, Strep Throat, Throat Cancer, Mumps, and of course Common Cold. Like Woody Allen, I see Throat Cancer and assume immediate death is assured, despite the fact that I’m 23.

Random Thing I Crave from Home Today- Kool Aide

As my time in Korea comes to a temporary end, I've been getting random cravings that I'm going to start to feature. To be honest with you, I haven't had Kool Aide for years, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about that surgary goodness.

2009-05-14T04:23:00.001-07:00

Who said video games couldn't be deadly?

It isn't hard for me to imagine a Korean on a video game binge. These guys are devoted once they get in a groove.

I'm starting to get some traffic on the blog due to the "pros and cons of teaching in Korea" post. In fact, if you google that, my blog comes up first.

Update

2009-05-12T05:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day! Hope you got another kick out of that, Mom.

Meg just purchased our Thailand airplane tickets. It's official. I'm heading to exotic Southeast Asia. I don't even think I can explain how excited I am. The amount of fun you can have for mere dollars is limitless. With only 60(!!!) days left on our contract, I'm ready to travel! It feels like such an accomplishment to be wrapping up my contract. I'm still hearing the internal debate rage in my head over the merits of my accomplishment, but I'm excited and pleased. I have scratched 10 months off the wall and have two to go. You might be wondering if I want to partake on another Korean odyssey, and to that I reply, "Absolutely."

The stock market has had a nice bull run that might lead some to suspect the worst is over, but being the realist/pessimist I am, I highly doubt it. The thought of being jobless despite my laziness doesn't sound appealing. I might as well come back and live on the white sandy beaches of Busan aka The San Fransisco of Korea.*

* The San Fransisco of Korea surely means a left leaning city, right?. I don't think I've ever seen Zach commit to anything as fast as he committed to living in Busan, which brings up an interesting question, do the hippies and all their drugs interest Zach or is it the thriving gay community? I'm leaning towards the latter.**

**I doubt Zach reads this blog, but if he does I'll sure find out after that one.
Zach- What the hell was that all about?
me- What?
Zach- Nanny and Papa are going to think I'm a gay, drug addicted hippie.
me- You read my blog? I'm so happy...
Zach- Did you hear me? I've been called a lot of things in my life but never
me- a reader? Anyway, I was just joking. Wow, you really read my blog. I'm touched big guy, you do care.

I will miss Seoul though without a doubt. The public transportation system is ridiculously hassle free. There are national parks littered right on top of this city. The Adventure Korea tour group is headquartered here, and they have casinos.

I went to a casino once.... and it wasn't pretty. I lost it. I lost more than just money. I lost it. I got sucked into a vortex of fun and excitement that can only happen when dancing with fire. AND I was dancing... I love cliches about, well everything. Where is the cliche saying about not mixing free alcohol with gambling. One vice is dangerous enough, when you add a second one in there all hell breaks loose. At first, wow, it was sooo much fun, and as it turns out there is such a thing as too much fun. They actually have 1 dollar roulette. Do you know how fun it is to drink an 8 dollar drink for free* while just playing 1 dollar roulette? I mean, I was just betting black for hours and I was up a couple bucks. I had a 50 percent chance of wining each spin. Basically a coin flip. Unless red came up 30 more times than black, my losses were going to be minimal. Then, after about the _______ free White Russian, I lost it.

*I mean free too. There is no tipping in Korea and the service is breathtakingly fast. As a 6 year grizzled veteran of the service industry of America, I saw the benefits of tipping, yet I oppose tipping. America should adopt the no tipping policies found in other places of the world. Companies shouldn't subsidize wages on to the customers. Tipping is so awful. Did I give enough? Did I give too much? Do I tip here? Do I tip there? A great meal can be ruined by the decion making process of tipping once the check comes. Alright, back to our previous topic...

With no clocks, no worries, and an unshakable confidence, my buzz took me over to the 5 dollar blackjack table. I know that right now everybody thinks they know what is going to happen. And if you predicted me losing a lot of money swearing off gambling and alcohol for the rest of my life, then you would be correct. The only good thing to come from this disaster was this, a basic Chris authored cliche that I will now follow from here to eternity: Don't mix vices!! One is enough, and once you start juggling more you're screwed.

Oh Seoul, home of casinos and valuable life lessons, I will miss you.

My Average Morning

2009-04-24T00:33:00.000-07:00

An average morning in Korea:

I wake up for the first time everyday between 8 and 10:30. For the first time is pretty self-explanatory, but I usually don't "get up" till about 11:30. My decision to "get up" is based on two things: my bladder and Everybody Loves Raymond. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to rise out of bed due to a certain organ screaming at me with such animosity, but this isn't a perfect world. I know it's not a perfect world, because in a perfect world I would have a bed that is more than 4 inches off the ground and not as hard as asphalt, in a perfect world my apartment would be on the other side of the building, (the side not facing the busiest road in the neighborhood, the side of the building where the sunsets as opposed to rises) and in a perfect world I probably wouldn’t be living in an apartment anyway. Everybody Loves Raymond is a cute little show, by no means must see TV, yet this show is essential to getting a great start on the day. I just have one little clock in my room, which happens to be on the thermostat. I tell what time it is based on what TV show is on the television. Remember, I only have 8 channels, 7 of which are in Korean, so I’m forced to watch whatever the good folks at the Armed Forces Network (AFN) provide. Here’s their TV schedule:

From 8-9 is Sesame Street, which is for little kids, and I’m an adult, damn it.

From 9-10 is the view. I’m not going to even get started on the view, except to say that the rest of my day is ruined, if I have to spend one second viewing (pun intended) those ridiculous grown women griping. Notice how the title of the program doesn’t even deserve capitalization.

From 10-11 is Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil is a terrible program as well. Where on earth does he find these people? It’s still far too early in the morning for me to be mucking around with the screw ups of America.

From 11-11:30 is Judge Alex, which like Dr. Phil is a terrible program. The courtroom cases on this show cross over the border of ridiculous. If Judge Alex is on, I usually start to stir. Today, on the program, Judge Alex had two lesbian sisters suing one another for money owed. The sisters were loud and ignorant. They’re so ignorant it actually makes for some good unintentional comedy. The producers of that show specifically target the biggest hosiers in America.

Judge Alex Producer- "You’re telling me Jimmy, from Texas, hasn’t paid his rent in 4 months, but claims his landlord owes him money. Roscoe, the landlord, drinks with Jimmy all the time, and decribes Jimmy as the best drinking buddy in the world. Jimmy wants to be paid for all the beer that Roscoe’s drunk and chewing tobacco he’s spat. If that’s the case, tell them they got a date with the judge next Tuesday.”
Joel (“talent” scout)-“These two will make Jerry Springer’s guests look docile.”
Producer- “That’s why I pay you the big bucks”

From 11:30 to 12 is Everybody Loves Raymond. This is the Holy Grail of my Morning Television. If I get to this show, then I know it’ll be a good day. The idea is so simple too; they just exaggerate the normal relationship and make caricatures of the main characters. Raymond is an insensitive, only cares for himself, jerk of a male (with a good heart), while Debra is a nagging, attention starved female who needs to be loved all the time (with a good heart). Their only apparent bond is a mutual dislike for Raymond’s parents. The plot of every episode is as follows, Raymond screws up and angers Debra. To fix the problem, Raymond screws up again in a loveable way. That’s the show, and in comparison to the other choices you’ll know why I love it!

From 12-12:30 is Access Hollywood, which usually puts me in a horrible mood as well. If I wake up to this show I’m almost guaranteed a bad day. This show gets me moving quite quickly now. In fact, between 12 and 12:30 represents about 90% of my daily household production. Laundry, trash taking duties, and trips to the gym are often accomplished during this horrendous program.

I know waking up at 11:30 sounds late, but let’s not forget that I don’t go to sleep until 2 in the morning. This is my morning routine. Making Mom proud day after day.

China

2009-04-21T03:44:00.000-07:00

Get ready for a humdinger of a post. Somewhere in between the countless hours I spend on baseball websites and lewrockwell,* I’ve managed to write this beast.

*I have actually been spending too much time on baseball sites. Baseball has become my biggest addiction. The root of this addiction began in Ireland. I was over there in the summer of 2007, and up to this point in my life football and basketball were by far my favorite sports. If Ken Griffey Jr. wasn’t playing, then I wasn’t going to be bothered watching baseball. The Sportscenter highlights were enough for me. But, in Ireland, during that rainy summer, baseball was my connection to Kansas City. You see, it was too early for football season and far too early for basketball to begin, so baseball was the logical choice. Ironically, my interest in America’s national pastime was brewed overseas. Needless to say, my passion for Royals baseball has only intensified over the last two years. My days are emptier when the Royals have an off day.

April 9, 2009-
Meg’s parents arrived in South Korea at 7 o’clock pm. I have assimilated to Korea so much that I am undaunted at the sight of towering skyscrapers, a hole in the ground where a toilet bowl should be, pastries with bean fillings, children in school uniforms walking home at night just finishing school…at 11:30 pm. But seeing Meg’s parents wide eyed at some of the astonishing random sights here was a great reminder. We took them up to our roof once we got off. The view from my apartment building is breathtaking. My building is 21 stories and quite a bit bigger than the buildings in my immediate area, and by immediate area I mean within five minutes walking distance. From this perch, you can appreciate the vast city that is Seoul. I would like to use the word skyline but cannot. Skyline, at least in my interpretation, refers to a line of buildings that usually define the downtown area of a city. Seoul doesn’t have a skyline, rather a skycluster or skygrid. All these towering buildings with their huge neon lights are nestled around the bottoms of various mountains in the city, creating a spectacular view. “It’s like Vegas” was Meg’s mother’s quote. We then took them to eat some spicy chicken deliciousness. After swearing to them that we weren’t about to eat chicken feet, they bravely tried everything that was thrown at them, even if it would “light up your world” as some of the Korean spicy dishes tend to do.

April 10th, 2009
The way I’m remembering these days is by what we ate for dinner. April 10th happened to be fried chicken. I’ve already told you that Korean’s know how to fry some chicken. KFC is probably the second most prevalent American fast food chain behind McDonald’s in Korea, and every residential area offers a plethora of beer and fried chicken restaurants. The place we chose is delicious and was a big hit with the folks. Within 30 hours of being in Korea, Meg’s mother had been given 3 presents from random Korean strangers. Upon arriving, some man gave her a hardboiled egg. She literally just got off the airport bus, and some young Korean man gave her a hardboiled egg. Koreans eat hardboiled eggs as a snack, in fact they are sold in every convenience store where we would normally see impulse buys like gum and mints.* Then the same young man must of thought, “Damn, those eggs leave your breath smelling like kimchi and garlic. Do they even eat hardboiled eggs in those crazy western countries? Well, I got to do something…” and he gave her a piece of gum to top it off. On April 10th, some random stranger in the restaurant approached our table and handed her a present. It was a bag full of Korean edible treats. I have no idea why she was given these presents, but I have to say it feels incredibly good to have gifts bestowed upon you like that. Very Rockstar.

*Who would ever think that a hardboiled egg would be an impulse buy? Here’s the thought process of a Korean man approaching cash register. “Chapstick! You know, it sure is windy out there today. My lips have been chapped for two months. I’ve been shedding so much skin from my bottom lip that a North Korean could survive on my skin flake protein for a week!” He begins to chuckle to himself, “Egg! Yes! Just what I need, some real protein. Of course I’ll need a pack of gum too.”

April 11th, 2009
This was a Saturday, and what a Saturday it was. A group of ten went to see a Korean baseball game, which just so happened to be my first Korean baseball game. The atmosphere of a Korean baseball game is completely different than what we are accustomed to back home. It is a sight to see, and I recommend it thoroughly! It’s so cool to see an American game with an Asian spin. For starters, one side of the stadium is for the home crowd and the other side is for those cheering the visitors. The PA system is weak. All the cheers are generated by the fans, and the fans are loudest on offense. The team we happened to be cheering for was the home team, so the opposing team was cheering first. 90% of the crowd has inflatable noise makers, and these noise makers beat in cadence with some huge drums during the cheers. It honestly sounds and feels like you are about to go to war with the opposing side. The atmosphere was intense. Everybody was in unison. It was awesome. I can’t wait to go check out another game. Mr. Baseball offers a great glimpse of baseball in Asia. After the game, we took the rents out for a Korean style bbq pork dinner with our group of ten.

April 12th, 2009
On Sunday, we headed out to a cherry blossom festival. Believe you me; there was a ton of cherry blossoms. A Ton! This festival was about 3 1/2 hours away from Seoul, and it included all the headaches of traveling in a foreign country. Here is my one step guide to traveling in a foreign country; plan for everything to go wrong and be patient when everything does go wrong.

April 13th, 2009
China! For the second time in my life, I had someone waiting at the airport holding a piece of paper with my name on it. The feelings of these small gestures are a combination of comfort and Rock Starness. Our guide was Doo, and he was amazing. Born and raised in Beijing, he had a passion for all things China. He was 27, full of life and jokes.* Our first day festivities included the Summer Palace, which was amazing. Hopefully, throughout my blog posts I have been able to convey the massive crowds experienced in Seoul. Well, take those massive crowds and times it by two, and then you are at the level of Beijing crowds. This is the peak season of tourism for China. China, home of 1.3 billion people, doesn’t need the rest of the world for tourism quotas; they can get by just fine with domestic tourists. The tourists were mainly domestic farmers who work on their own schedule. They were out in droves on this delightful Monday. As for the Summer Palace, it was great. The weather was perfect; in fact the weather was perfect for our entire China trip. The sights of this ancient palace, where Chinese Emperors would pass the time on hot summer nights, were grand. And some things were quite comical. Chinese children under the age of four have giant holes in their trousers. This blogger tackles this subject a lot better than I ever could, so please click the link to fully appreciate the baby bum phenomena in China. I asked Doo about these pants, and he gave me a lecture about how children don’t know how to go to the bathroom. He then said the pants were convenient. Agreed. In fact I’d like to get me a pair of them. Some 80 year old peasant, who happened to be missing 29 of his 32 teeth, wanted to get his picture taken with me. I don’t have any witnesses either, but I’m pretty sure he tried kissing me, and I’m pretty sure I would have let him had Meg not been around.

*Doo joke number 1- A happy couple was thinking about getting married. The woman was all for it, but the man had some reservations. After months of thinking, the man finally agreed to marry the woman under one condition: the man would have a secret box that the woman would promise never to open. The woman agreed instantly. After fifty years of marriage, the woman decided to open that secret box. In the box, she found 3 golf balls and 1,000 dollars. This seemingly random combination of items intrigued her. Her husband was sick and on his deathbed, so she asked him, “Honey, why do you have 3 golf balls in your secret box?” The dying old man was either sick of hiding the truth from his wife or too doped up on medicine to lie replied, “I put a golf ball in my secret box every time I’ve cheated on you.” The woman was not happy to be cheated on, but decided to show her dying husband compassion. “That’s okay honey. What is the 1,000 dollars for?” The man replied, “Every time I get a dozen golf balls, I sell them.”

April 14th, 2009
Day two of China started with a glorious western style breakfast from our four star hotel. For the third time in 9 months I was treated to such tasty treats like pancakes, bacon, sausage, waffles, scrambled eggs, and French toast. We then headed out to the Forbidden City. The Forbidden City simply dominates and shames every temple in Korea and for that matter probably the world. Doo said that the Japanese were very careful in their occupation of China. The Japanese believed that destroying Chinese culture would curse them. They believed this because the Japanese are descendants of China, and like the Chinese, they are very superstitious. In Korea, on the other hand, the Japanese pillaged, plundered, raped, and burned down everything. Anyway, the Forbidden City is where they filmed The Last Emperor and is right across from Tiananmen Square. I believe the normal adjectives apply to the Forbidden City: beautiful, amazing, astonishing, (of course, crowded) wonderful, and so on. I want to say that the campus of this city was 242 acres. The Emperor would live here with 10,000 guards, 72 serving women, and a bunch of neutered men acting as advisors. Tiananmen Square is the biggest square in the world. It’s right across from the “Chinese Whitehouse”. It’s also home to Mao Zedong. Mao is revered in China. They love him. I guess they forgot to write the chapter on Mao where he kills over 70 million Chinese with communist policies. We also saw a Chinese opera, which can only be described as torture. The same ungodly instruments are beat for no rhyme or reason. I rather listen to the racket of a third grade band practice than the chaos of a Chinese Opera. On top all that lunacy, was a man dressed up like a woman singing falsetto! It was horrible!

*Doo joke number 2- A couple just so happened to share the same birthday. They decided to get married on their birthday, which would bring them good luck. They got married on their 30th birthday. After 30 years of marriage, they decided to throw themselves a big Anniversary/Birthday party. Because they got married on their birthdays, they did receive good luck. A genie showed up at their party granting them each one wish. The woman wished for enough money to travel the world. Poof! She was handed a suitcase full of cash. The man wished for a wife 30 years younger. Poof! The man turned 90.

April 15th, 2009
On Wednesday, we saw the Ming Tombs. And the Great Wall. I thought about ending Day 3 of China right there, because it’d be funny. I write 200 plus words on the role baseball plays in my life and just merely mention the Great Wall. I do think I’m getting carpel tunnels in my wrist at this point, due to the length of this post, and I have probably lost every reader at this point. Anyway, the Ming Tombs were amazing. But the Great Wall is something to behold. The size of it is immense. If you stretched the wall out, then it would go from LA to Washington DC says Doo**. The Great Wall also involves a Great Walk. The grade on some stretches of the wall is steeper than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bicep! We made it to the top and then got to haggle with some peasants for “I climbed The Great Wall” T-shirts. This was a unique battle, where we got them to come down like 450%! We ended up with three t-shirts, two sculptures, and a scarf. Meg’s dad ended up trying on his T-shirt, so for periods of time he was shirtless on The Great Wall. When one of the ladies asked him for money, he said that she should pay him for the view of his half-naked body. She then told him that he had mental problems. As with running with the bulls, climbing The Great Wall was on my life to do list. I have a pretty ambitious life to do list. I want to do all of things I have written down, but in the back of my head I know that most of them are long shots. It’s a great feeling to scratch out these items. It’s surreal, because they actually happened and even in my wildest dreams I didn’t anticipate them happening so quickly. But here I am, in Asia, living out dreams I thought of years ago!

*Doo joke number 3- (This took place right after a conversation on Disney) You know the mouse that walks on two legs? What’s his name? (We of course yelled Mickey) What about the duck? (We yelled Donald Duck, he then coolly stated…) All ducks walk on two feet.

**Doesn’t it seem like everything conveniently stretches from LA to DC or LA to New York. I’m beginning to question everything that happens to stretch that length.

April 16th, 2009
Our last day in China was all about haggling. We went to a market and bought loads of counterfeit goods. I got a big ol’ Samsonite hiking backpack and two high quality Ralph Lauren polo shirts for about 33 dollars. Once again you have to take the price they tell you and divide it by 4 to get a good starting point. It was honestly the most fun I’ve ever had shopping. I absolutely loved it! I got separated from our fearsome foursome because I was like a kid in a candy store. Sometimes negotiating on items I didn’t even want just for the sake of negotiating. It was a lot of fun.

China in summation: China was such an amazing blend of rich culture, friendly people, AMAZING FOOD, and great things to do. It was one of the best vacations of my life, in large part thanks to Doo. He was so kind and enthusiastic. He took all the stress related to traveling right off our hands. He took us to the best restaurants or told us where to find them. He told us the prices we should expect to pay. Meg’s parents weren’t quite too shabby themselves. They proved to be excellent companions. They also paid for the trip, and I’m so thankful for that. It was a great time; I’m sure it’ll be unforgettable as well.

I Got Crabs

2009-04-07T00:53:00.001-07:00

And from the looks of it, I got a pretty bad case....

Meg and I headed down south for a snow crab festival in UlJin. We had a marvelous time. Spring has finally arrived and the weather cooperated beautifully. Cherry Blossoms, in full bloom, lined the festival streets. We ate freshly caught crab, handled the little beasts (see above), and released groupers into the sea (it is good luck to do so). We also are now part of the Guinness book of World Records. No Big Deal...

Being a part of a worldwide record smashing has never been on my life to do list, but it should have been! This gimbap stretched for miles, and I honestly can't tell you how long it was. Was it that big? Yes, it was, and the announcing was done in Korean so I missed the official total.

Now, I'm apart of history! I might just buy a copy of the 2009 Guinness Book of World Records. I only have a year to claim the throne as one of the many makers of the World's Longest Gimbap, because next year, at the Uljin Snow Crab Festival, they will make an even longer gimbap. Bittersweet I know...

Socialism, a New Schedule, and China

2009-03-26T00:15:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to write something on here for a long time, but I figured that it would just alienate people. So I haven't, but yesterday Nanny and I had a great political conversation. There were no quarrels. It was just a nice, great chat. That conversation has inspired me to write just a few words on America's present situation:

Make no mistake, America has a huge dilemma on her hands. Yesterday, Nanny and I just started to draw lines between the parallels of this "recession" (it's a depression) and the Great Depression. The list was endless. I reflected on our convo for a while. My first reaction was simply amazement at the hardships that came from such tough times. My grandma lived through this even trading sugar rations for shoes! My great-grandma's cosmetic factory was turned into an ammunition factory. The sacrifices of that generation have no equals. Nanny also made the astute commentary that FDR did not bring us out of the Great Depression, World War II did. The history books have been far too kind to one of America's worst presidents. America got out of the depression despite FDR and his New Deal policies, not because of them. Nanny also reminded me of when the government confiscated all the gold. The slippery slope is descending this way. Our liberties are vanishing. Who can honestly tell you that that won't happen again? Just listen to the language of these politicians; it's desperate, fear mongering propaganda.

Then I started to think about America's direction, and it gets a little "depressing" if you will. George Bush Jr. is Herbert Hoover and Barack Obama is FDR. Obama is bringing change no doubt about that. I'm not so sure if you want the change he's bringing. My point to all this is just to shed more light on the situation, here are some videos and podcasts that do just that:

The judge FreedomWatch is a great weekly show airing every Wednesday that frequently has Ron Paul and Peter Schiff as guests. Just press play. Freedomwatch

Peter Schiff discussing the Crash. This is a highly entertaining educational podcast.

Tom Woods an economic historian, who knew that the two were not mutually exclusive? (podcast) Both of these are on LewRockwell.com, which is a small government, free market website with great podcasts and articles.

If just one person listens to them, I'll be happy. Lets hope we get out of this, but it won't be because of an idle American population.

On the lighter side, Meg and I get to come in an hour later to work. This is so exciting. We now work from 4-11 pm. This frees up a large part of our day. Now I have no excuses for not working out! We can also get outside our neighborhood and have a larger selection of foods. I'm happy.

Here is the China itinerary:

Apr 13(Mon): Entry Beijing
Our guide will hold a welcome sign to meet you outside the
baggage claim area at the Beijing Capital Airport according
to your international (internal) flight schedule. Transfer you to
the 4-star hotel for 3 nights stay and please relax for the rest
of the day.

Hotel: Holiday Inn Central Plaza (4 star) - the best Holiday
Inn Hotel in Beijing

Apr 14(Tue): Beijing
Stroll along the famous Tiananmen Square - the largest
square in the world, and reach the Forbidden City. This
afternoon, transfer to visit the Temple of Heaven. The Beijing
Duck Dinner is served at a famous restaurant followed by a
lively Peking Opera performance at the Liyuan Theatre.

Apr 15(Wed): Beijing
Morning excursion transfers you to climb the China Great
Wall - Badaling section. A spicy Sichuan cuisine lunch is
served at a notable restaurant to recruit your physical energy.
This afternoon, stroll across the Sacred Path and reach the
Ming Tomb. On the way back to downtown, drive by the Bird's
Nest (Olympic National Stadium). You will see its appearance
at a distance.

Apr 16(Thu): Beijing Exit
Bid farewell to the city after having a stay at the Summer
Palace.

2009-03-17T01:15:00.000-07:00

I'm seeing red. It's not because I'm mad either. When Meg's parents get here in the middle of April, they're taking us to China! I'm going to the red state next month; we're heading for Beijing! I already got my visa*. This is really happening. I'll try and buy as many knock off luxury items as possible.

* 105 dollars just to travel in China for a week! I can't believe it costs that much money just to get inside the country! I have used way too many exclamation points so far.

Maybe the knock off luxury items will be a thrill, but I'm really excited to walk along the dragon's back. A trip to China couldn't even be considered to be complete without a visit to The Great Wall.

I'm very excited about this trip, even the food. The food in Korea is pretty out there based on my western experiences. Koreans will tell you how crazy China's food is! There is even an old Korean joke, "Chinese people will eat everything except the legs off the table." Just look at this great picture of gigantic grasshoppers and "yummy" scorpions. I'll try one of each...maybe.

More on China later...

Classroom Adventures Part 1

2009-03-13T00:46:00.000-07:00

My school (I think company is actually the better word to use here) has a policy; no cell-phones in the classroom. It's not hard to imagine the majority of 13 to 14 year old American teens owning cell-phones, but in Korea, the percentage has to be 95%! Every child has one and often has a backup. Before every class, teachers are required to pass around a cell phone collection bucket. I'd say only half the students put their phones in the basket, which is fine by me, as long as I don't see the phones during my class.

Occasionally, I do see phones in class, and I have developed a fun way to cope with renegade students who decide to text their crushes, browse the web, or play games on their phones. I offer them this deal: "Okay, Jenny* I'll offer you a deal, even though I should keep this phone for one week considering you broke school rules and my classroom rules. You can come by tomorrow and get your phone, or you could play me in rock, paper, scissors. If you beat me in rock, paper, scissors, then I'll let you have your phone back today, but if I beat you I get to keep your phone for one extra day. What do you want to do?"

*Random knowledge: The majority of cell phone abusers in the classroom are female. Does that come as a surprise to you? I would have thought it would be the rebel males. Jenny is by far the most popular English name chosen by female Korean students. The most popular name chosen by boys, by the way, has to be John. I have had three John's in one class before, which is pretty remarkable considering there are usually only 15 people per class, so roughly one third of the boys in that class were named John. I called one John, one Johnny, and the other boy John John.

Rock, paper, scissors is called gawi, bawi, bo. I should have an entire post dedicated to the phenomena that is gawi, bawi, bo. Let's just say they play it all the time. I mean, I think every decision is made by playing this game. Examples:

~Simple Decisions, (based on daily scenarios that take place while trying to figure the labyrinth of underground routes that is Seoul Metro Subway)

Man: I think we should take the train to Wangsimni and transfer to the two line down to Gangnam. We'll only have one transfer this way, which will save us both time and energy.
Man 2: Yes, that's true. But we could take the train to Gunja transfer to the seven line and then transfer at Konkuk University on to the two line. We'll have about three less stops this way but 2 transfers...
Man: Gawi, bawi, bo.
Man 2: Fine.

Complex Decisions (based on a made up but theoretically possible scenario)
CEO Samsung: With exports at an all-time record, let's buy this American micro-processing firm. We'll cut down on competition and acquire a potential cash cow.
Chairmen of the Board: Are you crazy? In this volatile economic environment, you want to buy a firm?
CEO: Gawi, bawi, bo.
COB: Fine.

Life Changing Decisions
Woman: I want to have a baby.
Man: I want to shit gold.
Woman: Gawi, bawi, bo.
Man: Fine.

I could go on, but judging by the raunchiness of that last one I think it's time to move on...

At this point, the classroom goes crazy, because every student knows the gravity of the upcoming situation. One day without their cell phones is a monumental loss, right up there with losing Goldie their pet gold fish. But two days, OMG! Call the ambulance we got an emergency! The boys have their fists in their hands before I've even finished my proposal, ready to throw. The girls are much more deliberate. You can actually see the wheels cranking. They go through the odds, and they weigh the pros and cons of the situation. The risk adverse girls take their lumps, and will come collect their phones the following day. But most of them play, because* they love the game. And most of the time they win, I'm only batting about .300 in winning percentage. A good number for batting average in baseball, but a poor percentage in rock, paper, scissors. If I lose, the majority of the children all gasp. They want the student to go phoneless for two days. If I win, then the place erupts with cheers!

As I finished writing because, a student just came up to me to collect her phone. She lost the game, and I got her phone for two days. After receiving her phone, she throw her hands up in the air in rejoice.

-Teaching Style
Our new books are long-winded, and I find myself having trouble to get through my lesson plans. To get through the vast amounts of exercises, I have to lecture the entire time. I have no time for disciplining, so I've become a pretty strict teacher. I implement a two strike system, the kids only have one warning. That's my rule anyway. Unfortunately, it's a lot harder for me to enforce it, and I'm beginning to realize I might be a pushover when it comes to parenting.*

*There has to be a thousand parallels between teaching and parenting.

Because the text books are dense, I usually assign more homework for them to complete to keep up with the syllabus. I have become that teacher. The one that assigns a lot of homework, keeps horeseplay to a minimum, and assigns detentions regularly, and I love it.

My Life Is in Your Hands!!

2009-03-12T04:18:00.001-07:00

This is the man, who at any given moment, might do something very scary. But it looks as if they aren't going to launch any "satellites" until April. I should be save until then...

Living with Danger: A Korean's Perspective

2009-03-11T01:06:00.000-07:00

This is spot on, Koreans I talk with are not concerned. There's no panic at all, even as the tension on this tiny pennisula is the highest it's been in over two decades! I don't want to alarm anyone, but my weekend plans are to ride bikes with a tour group along the Demilitarized Zone in Northeast South Korea. If I survive this weekend, then I'll have some pretty cool pictures to post from an area of the DMZ that rarely gets tourist attention.

Raw Fish: Oh How far I've Come

2009-03-10T01:06:00.000-07:00

March is one one my favorite times of the year; my family celebrates about 90 percent of its birthdays in March, the sports world heats up as baseball players fine tune their game in either Arizona or Florida and basketball celebrates March Madness, and the seasons change as winter slowly fades into spring. I love March.

So far March in Korea has brought me two unique adventures, one of them takes place in a fish market. The breathtaking smell, I'm using breathtaking in a negative way here, was a little daunting at first as you can imagine thousands if not millions of fish can't be too pleasant. But my nose was quick to adapt and the smell quickly subdued. The next sense that was firing on all cylinders was my eyes. This place was cavernous, at least the size of a football field. Row after row of fish tanks!

As you can see, I was a little excited to dig into some freshly killed fish. This market is the biggest fish market in Korea and is open 24 hours a day. We were here at 1:00 at night. The selection of possibilities were endless, and I'm not even going to pretend I know the names of what I saw. All I have are these photos:

The experience is very unique. You literally pick out the fish you want, after haggling with the
handlers, by the way the haggling was done in Korean... by a Korean. The lady threw in a couple plates of oysters to seal the deal. They scoop the fish out with a net, and then beat the damn
thing over the head with a blunt object. This isn't a pleasant experience for the squeamish. After bashing our food, the handler took us to a quaint little restaurant located in this gigantic warehouse.

We then polished off three plates of sliced and diced fish, and two plates of oysters. Eating the freshest of fish is gratifying, but I'll trade raw fish for a steak any time. Raw fish is very expensive, and I really don't understand what all the fuss is about. The very best sushi doesn't taste that fishy. It kind of tastes like chewy meat. My question, why bother? Everyone always hypes up our fish market experiences, (this is the fourth time) and I get excited along with them. And every single time I'm disappointed! I don't think raw fish is my thing. It's just alright.

My next adventure took me two and a half hours south of Seoul. It consisted taking a cable car up and hiking down a gorgeous mountain. I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Indiana Jones. That's who I felt like while walking across some suspension bridges. Although, these were not the rickety bridges Indie was walking across and we weren't being hunted down by ruthless pygmies, these bridges did manage to sway in the breeze. It was the highlight of this hiking trip by far. I have to say this, I have become a hiker. I love it so much. I used to never love walking in scenic surroundings, but I can't wait for it now. Maybe it has something to do with living in one of the biggest cities in the world... These bridges were awesome, they had just enough of a thrill factor to keep it interesting.

This March is not the same as my favorite time of the year back home. Tensions continue to boil between North and South Korea, (South Koreans still don't seem to give a damn) meanwhile family and sports are celebrating festivities on the other side of the world without me. Despite all these factors, March is still happening, and I love it. The weather is gradually changing. Everyday I spend hours reading about sports, and thinking about family. I love March, as long as N. Korea behaves. :)

Status Update

2009-03-01T22:55:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been looking forward to writing blog posts as much as I look forward to receiving the random paper cut, but here's an update:

I'm proud to report that our company is working us to the bone. Instead of the normal14-15 classes we've been teaching, we're now at about 18. We can now discipline/punish more efficiently too. In short, we're almost teachers, yet we're not quite there. We don't assign them a grade in our classes. Our students are not dummies. They know that the foreign teacher's class doesn't count, and they act like it doesn't matter. But, I'm getting closer to being a real teacher none the less.

Meg and I are phasing out skiing with hiking. The weather has warmed up quite a bit in recent weeks. This coming Saturday we are heading to a mountain range 1 1/2 hours south of Seoul. The pictures should be breathtaking.

Zach and John are gone. It hasn't really hit me yet, and I'm sure it will soon. I bet leaving Korea hit them when they transferred their won into dollars. The won is at 1,560.25 per dollar! Yikes! When we came here it was roughly 1000 per dollar. They lost a boat load of money, and it looks as if I will too whenever I leave this place, maybe even more than the amount they lost.

It's been raining a lot, which I guess is better than snow. I've taken to the streets armed with a rainbow umbrella. I'm from the school of thought that rainbow colored anything is not the kind of fashion you want to be associated with, unless you live on an island and use the colors sparingly or if your umbrella is rainbow colored. Some guy was standing in the rain, probably in Ireland, and was thinking, "Everybody has got these dark colored umbrellas. Why don't I put some color on these things and make some money? I know, I'll put the colors of the rainbow on it!" Ever since that moment, rainbow colors are alright on an umbrella.

That's all I got.

Koreans vs. Americans

2009-02-17T01:39:00.000-08:00

I read this book on the can the other day*, and the book's thesis compared the differences between Koreans and their American counterparts. It was designed to point out the differences without presenting biases one way or the other. And it can be boiled down to this, Americans think that Koreans are rude and Koreans think that Americans are ignorant to Korean culture. I completely concur with this thesis too. Koreans may be the rudest culture in the world, but I'm getting to like the men hocking up loogies, last night's dinner, next year's kidney stone, their pancreas, and whatever else they can get up on the sidewalk. Oh, I also loved being shoved in the back by 100 year old women that are so bent their bodies form an upside L.

*Sorry for the phrase "on the can" though I have to admit it's one of my favorite phrases. And you must admit, a certain reading on the john phenomena exists. People that haven't picked up a book since high school will gladly read while going to the bathroom. Gross, I know, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Reading seems more interesting when you're handling your business. Unfortunately, I know I've read People and Good Housekeeping in this setting. Both those magazines don't interest me in the slightest, (well... okay, once in a while I have to keep tabs on Brangelina in People) but "on the can" I'll read an article on decorating a Vermont cottage likes it's the Sports page. No one has ever talked about this openly, but how many houses have you been in where you actually see a receptacle for older magazines in the bathroom? Once again, I'm sorry for the digression that has nothing to do with Korea or my experiences.

In other news, that short little pesky North Korean, you know, he who must not be named is appearing in the news quite often, testing the Obama team as much as possible. Remember back on the campaign trail, when Biden let this infamous line slip out:(paraphrasing) "Mark my words, Obama will be tested." I sure hope Biden's not a fortuneteller and North Korea isn't the country doing the testing, because, well, I will die if they are. There's a strong probability of my death if Seoul is attacked, anyways. The only well-funded organization in N. Korea is the army, and it's scary big. If you haven't heard about the North Korean stirrings, then I guess you are living in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan. CNN news's hot topics section has North Korea third ahead of Iraq and Afghanistan. Yikes!

With the tensions mounting, you would think that Seoul would be practicing drills or running through what if scenarios. I know in the 70's, there were nuclear bomb drills. My kids have never heard of any kind of bombing drills. I just asked my neighboring Korean teachers if they even cared about what the North says, and they don't. Not at all. I got two shrugs, a smile, and the same three words; I don't care.

Hey, living in a war zone has its drawbacks, but when in Korea...

Grab Your Glocks

My Obama campaign poster.

Korean Food

2009-02-13T01:04:00.000-08:00

Dak galbi- This is a spicy chicken dish, and it is one of my favorites! That pan has serving size is 2 people! You could feed an army with all that food!

These are hand crafted noodles with pork in them. The pork meat oozes juice, and you actually have to stab the noodles and suck the juice out of them to prevent juices flying everywhere. They are amazing!!
(appetizer)

This is pork. I've talked about this dish at length already. It's delicious.
(serving size 2-3)

This is a Korean style BBQ. You have ribs, pork, and also BBQ-ed duck! (serving size 2-3)

This is called bi-bim-bop. It is a vegetarian dish (there is an egg though) that is very colorful and also amazing. Who knew that some dishes don't need meat?
(serving size 1)

This last dish is shabu shabu. It's basically a broth filled with the veggies you see below and thin strips of beef. The broth is so hot that the beef cooks in seconds, or as the Korean's say, "just shakey, shakey." After you're done feasting on the meat and veggies, you put in a bowl full of noodles. After you're done with the noodles, (when the broth is cooked down to just a couple of drops) you fry some rice. This once again is just a serving size for two people.

Americans may have the biggest portions in the world, but Korea has to be up on the list. These are my favorite meals, and I can not wait to share them with everybody when I return home.

The Acting Career

2009-02-10T22:07:00.001-08:00

I might have just had my fifteen minutes of fame, because I was just filmed on camera and got paid, indirectly.

Yes, just soak that in for a second. Me, you know the guy who is one of the worst actor's in the world, was in a commercial like documentary, and got paid in a 400 dollar comprehensive medical examination voucher, complete with a colonoscopy like procedure. I say colonosocpy like procedure because the camera and fifteen feet of hose were shoved down your mouth instead of your rectum. And I don't know the name of this procedure, although I saw it done to another patient.*

*Wow, this scene reminded me of a way too graphic Discovery Channel medical show. They really shove a thick hose down your throat.** The procedure only lasts a couple of minutes though. This is a rundown of the procedure: (I got such a vivid understanding of the procedure, because I watched it via the video recorder attached to the front of the hose.*** Apparently there is no waiting room in Korea, and we were encouraged to watch the unpleasant proceedings.)

Put the patient to sleep
Ram 15 feet of hose down the patient's throat.
Push through the tongue and mucus with the hose. And whatever else the esophagus has up its sleeve.
Pause every second to take a couple of pictures.
Hold down the patient that is supposedly asleep, even though the patient is struggling mightily. By struggling, I mean flaying his arms uncontrollably, and even clenching his fists.
Remove the hose.

**That's what.... no more jokes

***Every channel in Korea is broadcasted in HD. They are vastly ahead of the U.S. in this regard. Almost every TV I run across, here in Korea, is an HD television. Except, of course, the TV that counts...the one in my room. Watching this poor man wriggle like a fish***** with a huge hook through its head, I could not help but be amazed by the stunningly crisp definition on the monitor. If this man had a tumor, I would be able to detect it easily. The detail of this man's interior was vivid and gross. In fact, I think that camera hose tested the viewers as much as the patient, because the patient was put to sleep.

**** I already got 3 asterisks might as well make it a fourth. I love the use of commas, and I hardly ever know how to use them, but I live by this mantra, "When in a peculiar grammar situation, throw in a comma, because, hell, they're the original man's best friend."

***** Whoever said, "fish don't feel pain" a long time ago had to be an idiot. Why would fish not feel pain? Wouldn't it benefit fish to feel pain, like all oxygen breathing organisms? I have seen enough fish on a hook to know that their twitching isn't because they're excited. No, it's more likely due to the fact that they are bleeding from their gills and in immense pain. Just think if some gigantic being was trying to rip a hook out of your belly, twisting every organ in the process. Would you feel it? Vegetarians use this phrase all the time, as if it somehow justifies eating fish. If I'm not mistaken, fish are animals as well. Maybe their protein depleted brains subconsciously reinforce this misconception, and they need to believe it, I don't know. Cheaper meat for me.

****** I just did a quick google research to make sure my "fish feeling pain" rant had some merit, and it appears that some "scientists" believe that fish DON'T feel pain. Others DO. I'm still in the later group, and I have some more theories. I'll save the three loyal readers I have though.

******* Have you ever had a rant, I mean a real good rant too, and then it turned out that you were completely wrong? When you find out you're wrong, you feel like an idiot, then later that day you go on another rant that's also unwarranted. Well, it happens to me weekly.

Wow! Where was I? Oh yes, acting. Have I mentioned that I might be one of the world's worst actors? Today's process was not necessarily challenging, because I was ad-libbing like Robin Williams, it was just awkward. I was at my best during the improv "interview" where a Korean translator would ask me questions on the procedure (the one above), the staff, the atmosphere, and other "how are you feeling" questions. Obviously, these were all lies, because I didn't have the procedure, nor did I even talk to any of the doctors. So I was a regular actor, paid to spew lies and support marketing propaganda.

Just think of those late night infomercials, where people give testimonies for "wonder pills" that will make them either lose 25 lbs in three days, have 48 hour boners, or get rid of acne in less than 5 minutes. The people that give those "testimonials" are actors bought and paid for by the company's marketing their products. Some of them are convincing, believe me I know, I once thought I could increase my size.... my bicep muscle size (get your mind out of the gutter) in mere days.

I was one of those actors, possibly duping the greater Korean public into believing this company is what it may or may not be. I really don't know if the company is good or not. I don't care either, because I'm the world's worst actor! I'm going to scare people away from the product. They're not going to go near this hospital! They're going to go out of their way to avoid this hospital.

Here's the most memorable line: "I was a little intimidated at first, but the doctor was so kind and helpful, I felt right at home."-me

Laterthe guy told me to say this: "It was so good that I'm going to convince my friends from the United States to come to Korea for the operation"

Because I'm a professional actor, with a license for artistic creativity, I wasn't buying this line. I told the guy, "Wow, a little ambitious don't you think?"

He seemed to love the word "ambitious" and said it about five times while waving his hands to continue. At this point, I thought about pulling a premadonna move by walking off set, because I'll only say the lines my character would say. Since I was playing myself, I knew my character would never mutter the words; "It was so good that I'm going to convince my friends from the United States to come to Korea for the operation."

In the end, I gave up my artistic freedom. The Fascist producer got his way censoring a would be star into unbelievable dialogue, in effect, ending my ticket to Hollywood.

Things left to ponder

Can I consider myself a professional actor? I was paid, but it was more like an exchange of services. Regardless, this is going right to the top of my resume.
Do fish feel pain?
Should I have that procedure done to me when I get my thorough examination? I mean, they put you to sleep. I've been put to sleep before, and WOW what a feeling that is. The dentist told me, "You're going to be asleep in 10 seconds." I thought, "You obviously don't know me. You better at least give me 15 secs..." I couldn't even finish the thought. But before I went "under" the room started spinning around and around at the speed of light. That's a powerful drug, and I'm not jonesing to be put under again, by any means. It would be cool to have a clean bill of health though. What do you think?

Where's my pot of gold?

2009-02-10T22:06:00.001-08:00

I did not take this picture, so I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. I just think it's amazing! The end of a rainbow! WOW!

Funny Pic

2009-02-09T00:22:00.000-08:00

There's no language barrier here. When I look at this sign, I know exatly where to go when nature is calling...upstairs, because I'm a man.

Yes, this graphic picture was in a restauraunt where children may or may not be. As I have said before, Asians don't seem to mind being naked, so this little public sign may not be out of the norm.

Overdue

2009-02-03T01:54:00.000-08:00

I HAVE HAD WORK to do this week, UGH! It's not just the fact that I don't like work, (I don't) but work is made so much harder when for so long you haven't had to do anything. I've had to grade about 225 book reports this week. Correcting is and are, making words plural, and reading the same thing over and over again should be the new form of torture wherever our new Guantanamo Bay is established. I want to pull my hair out! This week has brought down a whip from the tops of this organization. We now have an intranet system that monitors our every move; I call it the Olympia Skynet. So, I'm beginning to think I might actually have a job, which really, really scares me.

Never the less, time has just been flying for me! I cannot believe that I have almost been in Korea for 7 months! This month will be interesting, a changing of the guards if you will. Zach, John, Ramsey, and Steven are all leaving this month. This happens all the time, with people always coming and going, after all, we're just bound to one year contracts. People often take off a month after completion of the contract.* So, John and Zach are leaving us to fend for ourselves, and they are irreplaceable friends. Their vacancies offer new chances for friendships though, and life will go on.

*I have been giddy today as I plan a Southeast Asia trip for the middle of July. One week of working has driven me to plan a vacation. The information I've been reading just sounds heavenly. We're going to head out on a three week trip to Thailand, Laos, and Cambodia. Three weeks you say, isn't that a bit overkill? The answer is a resounding no! When $10 a day will turn you into a king in Laos we might just have to stay longer. Laos is cheap, beautiful, and IN MY FUTURE. Here's a site that will give you a little detail on this magnificent country. What we're going to do for sure in Laos

Ride and bathe an elephant in the jungle
White water raft (10 dollars for the trip)
Relax in the jungle and drink .25 cent fruit shakes

Update:
Skiing -
I have been a skiing fool for the last two weeks, making it to the slopes both weekends. Round trip transportation, (4 hrs. total) ski rentals, and afternoon and night lift tickets cost only 75 dollars a day! I almost can't afford not to, especially considering how far we are from any mountains in Kansas City, so I plan on going to the slopes at least two more times.

Meg and I also went trekking along an ice river with a tour group, and stayed the night in a mushroom shaped cabin. Mushrooms were the theme of the complex we stayed at, and it looked very psychedelic if you ask me, literally right off the pages of Alice in Wonderland or something.

I need a designer, my layout skills are awful. Pre-published posts are always different looking than post-published posts too, so I never know how the pictures will turn out, making captions pointless. That being said, here they are:

The mushroom statue picture; perhaps a bit phallic?
The frozen river with footprints; isn't that a gorgeous shot, simply beautiful.
Me on the frozen river with footprints; yes I ruined it!
Mushroom cabin; strange! Everything was mushroom shaped including benches, chairs, buildings, fire pits, and the actual cabins!
The last picture was taken at a particularly thin point in the river. Paul (from Scotland) and I are head first in the river drinking some fresh spring fed mountain water. The water was so cold and delicious. Knowing how much I hate the cold water, it was perhaps a bit brazen of me to get right over thin ice, but the tour guide did it so... When in Korea...

I love skiing so much. It was one of my favorite things to do. Skiing is the icing on the cake of my Korean experience.

Wow!

2009-01-30T00:08:00.000-08:00

This really hits home. Read this! While white, hopefully I don't boast about my spirtual enlightenment. At least I'm in the entrepreneurial category, so screw the innovators!

Man, this is an even better one! I don't know how many times I have seen overly excited Korean's ask me in their native tongue if I speak Korean. I of course say, "조금" or "jo keum" which means a little. Without hesitation, these Korean's will rapid fire a response that is way beyond my meagor comprehension, and then I will have to stare at them blankly. They understand this stare. The exictement on their face vanishes and is replaced with a look that can be best described as a look a seven year old boy has when he learns that his puppy ate his dad's penny loafer and choked to death. Utterly disappointed, the Korean might try a last ditch effort to communicate with me in Korean, once that attempt fails, we both stare at eachother and wonder what to do next.

I have never promised to learn Korean, although almost everybody that comes to Korea does promise to learn it, and the majority of them are white.

The World's Fattiest Foods

2009-01-22T20:05:00.000-08:00

The World's Fattiest Foods look unsurprisingly delicious.

Knowledge that You need

2009-01-22T00:19:00.001-08:00

Who Knew? Would you eat this stuff, I know I would, but I would have to go with the bag technique first just to hear the "pitter, patter" sound. Then I would pop it straight in the mouth, of course I would be conscious of the symptoms including bloody diarrhea.

The Lunar Holiday

2009-01-21T19:08:00.000-08:00

The Lunar holiday is a big deal in Korea as well as China. I have a book on Korean culture, and Korea is the only nation in the world where approximately 70% of its population travels domestically, by car, on one holiday. That holiday happens to be, drum roll please.... The Lunar Holiday. Naturally, we're driving. Actually, we're going to hop on a bus that will drive us to Phoenix Park. We're going to brave the crazy crowds*, and the crowded highways to go skiing.

*In heavily congested areas of the highway, the Korean government has put in Johnny on the Spots to accommodate the traffic jams. Can you imagine going to a Johnny on the side of a highway? The traffic must be horrendous...

We signed up with the group called Adventure Korea again, because we had such a good experience two weeks ago. This is going to be a 4 day trip. We will really get up into the mountains on day three and four and will "be overwhelmed with natural beauty" according to their website. I'll be sure and take pictures.

On days 1 and 2, we'll be hitting the slopes. I can't wait to test my ski legs again. It's been a while. This should be a jammed pack weekend of great times, and I'm very excited.

This Tuesday represented a unique opportunity that very few people back home had, because I was in foreign soil. At 2:00 in the morning, in a little place I frequent often, called Seoul Pub, Barack Obama was getting inaugurated back in Washington DC and a whole lot of excitement was in the air at this bar. Seoul Pub just so happens to be in the foreign district of Seoul, so there were people from all over the world rooting and cheering for our new prez. Say what you want about his politics, but Obama is a star and has gotten people excited both domestically and abroad. Two 6 foot 6 Frenchman were chanting, "Yes We Can" and I thought they hated* us. The excitement in that bar was hard to believe, and even harder to describe. It was closer to a sporting event than a political one; we couldn't hear his speech it was so loud with chants and other banter. Yet, it made for one hell of a boring sporting event since my team lost in the first round, (Ron Paul) and there was not a whole lot of action, so, in the midst of all this excitement and Pro-American behavior, I left early**.

* I have never seen Zach look like a small guy, but with these two giants towering over him; Zach looked small. Eventually one leaned down and kissed Zach on the cheek (or the top of the head I forgot), and I don't know if Zach was flattered or pissed. He could of been flattered because that's just what those crazy Europeans do, in particular the French, or was he pissed because a DUDE just kissed him. I dunno and I certainly have no idea why he kissed him...

** You know to beat the traffic...

The New Computer

2009-01-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

I got a new computer on Sunday. This has been long overdue, and I'm sorry for all the time I spent borrowing other people's computer. As one roommate put it, "I'm glad I whore my computer to the whole house." I haven't had my own computer since an AIM messenger virus killed my last one 2 1/2 years ago. In the last two years, a lot of technology has passed me by, and I'm very eager to check it all out so if you have any cool gadgets, tricks, or sites please comment below.

So I've been trying to convince Meg to write a post, but she's too busy. I'll step up to the plate for her. Her facial expression in this picture is tell all. Here is what she was thinking:

"I've gotten one! YES!!! That was the most miserable thing in my life, but I GOT ONE! Where's Chris, I have to show him the fish that I caught with my blue, on the verge of frost bitten hands. OH YEAH, that little pansy left during the first wave of cowards! He talks so much trash, but can't back it up. Oh my, I'm freezing, but this was so worth it."

Yes, that pretty much sums up what was going on in Meg's head. Calling me out, which, I deserve.

After the miserableness they call barehanded fishing, we headed out to our sleeping accommodation, and for the first time in my life I felt like a refugee. (insert your shower joke here, can we move on? Are you finished?) Tired, cold, and beat down from the day's festivities (I'm staring at you ice soccer) we took a bus to our cabin campground. There were about 60 foreigners spilt up in two buses. We headed for the mountains, but remember this was a frosty weekend. The roads were so icy, so the bus could not take us to our cabins.

The tour guide told us to grab our stuff, because we had to walk for "seven minutes" up the mountain to our cabin. I just woke up too, and it was pitch black and I was in the f-ing mountains. Confused, I totally thought that this was normal. What's a 7 minute walk anyway?

Well, that 7 minutes quickly turned into 25 minutes. 25 minutes of wondering where the hell am I, and where the hell am I going to lay my head tonight. All of us were just so physically drained that we looked like a pack of refugee's in the mountains. We were endlessly climbing up this steep, narrow, curvy gravel road, while holding everything we owned. It was such a alien sight, and I felt like a refugee.

Maybe even more amazing was the actual pitch black. I haven't seen actual darkness in my six months of living in Seoul. With all these damn neon signs, it's impossible. My apartment is very similar to Kramer's situation in New York, only sub Kenny Roger's Chicken with a place called Mr. Lonely. I think you know what Mr. Lonely is... (besides a place I frequent very often...)

So in the seclusion of mountains, I got the peace of actual darkness. The rest of the night was spent around a bonfire drinking, eating pulled pork, roasting marshmallows, and the normal debates like, "Yes, I agree your football should be called FOOTBALL, but that doesn't make it anymore exciting and certainly not better than my football." or "You say brilliant just like we say awesome, if we ruined the word awesome, then you have certainly ruined brilliant."

The next day brought sunshine and one hell of a hike. This hike was explained to us as moderate, but it was anything but moderate. The grade was steep as hell, and the snow was packed down so far that it was just a solid sheet of ice. The hike was so strenuous that I sweated more than john Roe even in the midst of Attic weather. And, the only way to go down the steep mountain was on your arse. Once again the facial expression says it all.

I was thinking, "Holy shit this fun, but oh my God, my tailbone was fractured from ice soccer yesterday, and SHIT!! Mommy?"

-This picture is the only photo evidence of my plunge into the frigid waters. I'm all the way on the left, no doubt hating myself for the dumb decision that I just made.

The Ice Fishing Festival

2009-01-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

A mere five days ago Meg and I were in a fierce battle with the elements, if my Internet skills were better I would paste the temperature for January 10, 2009 right here, but they aren’t so you are going to have to trust me. The thermometer read a frigid -10 degrees Celsius. Despite chilly temps, last weekend was everything I thought it was going to be and more.

After the 6 am wakeup call wore off, we met many wonderful people on our 3 hr. bus trip eastnorth. Over 70% of the people were from Canada though, which is usually an ominous sign. Not this time though, yet we did have a Canadian soundtrack for the entire trip, complete with such bands as Barenaked Ladies, Nickleback, and my personal favorite Rush. Luckily, Celine Dion was not played; if she was I would have ended my life. I probably would have gone with a swan dive off the bus into fast moving oncoming traffic as Meg shouts out "I'll never let go Jack, I mean Chris".* These guys were great though, probably because they weren’t from Quebec like Dion. Upon arrival, we were promptly greeted with a photo shoot and given some fishing poles. The poles were some cheap plastic things. When I say cheap I mean c-h-e-a-p. There was no reel and the lure was awful. But ice fishing is on my life to do list, so I was fired up to catch some fish regardless of a horrible pole.

*Canadians know a lot about American history, dare I say more than many Americans. For example, I asked one fellow from Toronto during a trivia contest who shot and killed Hamilton, without blinking he answered Burr. Wow! On the other side of the coin, I couldn't even tell you how many provinces are in Canada. I know your quick response is, "Who cares? Canada doesn't matter. There's a reason why they know our history." Hogwash. We should know more about our northern, socialist cousins.

We quickly scouted out a nice hole, surrounded by thousands of other fishermen. Vacationing in Korea is a tricky situation, as I am sure that you can imagine, there's an overpopulation problem here in Korea. At first these crowds scared me, but now I have grown custom to it. I was absolutely undaunted by this crowd, in fact it hardly even bothered me.

By the way, we were on a frozen river trying to catch mountain trout. Underneath the ice, the river was crystal clear, which allowed me to get on my belly and get great visuals of the trout. Because there were .5 million people fishing in the river, the festival guys would stock it every couple of hours or so, literally dumping hundreds upon hundreds of fish in the river. We happened to start as they were dumping fish in 25 feet away from us. I would see these sneaky bastards swim right up to my lure and swim away. There were a lot of fish, and people all around us were catching fish using a snag method, pretty much just pulling the rod up hard and hoping to get lucky and hook a fish anywhere. It seemed to be working because I saw a lot of fish with enormous stab wounds to the belly.

Most of the time you can’t see the fish when you’re fishing, instead you feel them when they nibble or bite your bait. Seeing them is way more frustrating. They would examine “the world’s worst lure” and think to themselves, “Wow that one didn’t even fool me for a second, I didn’t even hesitate. I have been in this river for like ten minutes and I think I’m going to make it. These idiots and their horrible technology and weak budgets need to open the checkbook a little more!” Just as the poor fish laughs at my lure some Korean girl around the age of five with a triple headed hook monster snags the S.O.B. right in the gut. Then she mocks me as I’m face down peering into the river. She's literally pointing at the pile of fish she’s caught. This was in my first thirty minutes, so she could have been there awhile to my defense.

Because Meg and I are white, in Korea, and if I do say so myself an extremely attractive couple, we were asked to be in a photo shoot using fish from a bucket. They setup these living prop fish on our little chintzy rods and asked us to look surprised. The result:

Even in my most bizarre fantasies, fantasies that I can bend time and warp back to the past, fantasies when I happen to be dominating survivor, or fantasies that I can have any job in the world, I have never fantasized being an actor. I know that it could never happen. I could have any superpower in the world, but I could never win an Oscar. Anything in Imagination Land is fair game but acting. My sub-conscience would tell it this way, “Hey, I know we usually get a little crazy here, I mean yesterday we founded Facebook as a 17 year old Harvard undergrad telling Mark Zuckenburg to piss off, but acting COME ON! We can’t get that crazy, not even in your wildest dreams.” So seeing my face on these pictures really affirms what a colossal failure I would be at acting. I really felt stupid posing for these pics as well. Yes, pics as PICS, pics as in plural, pics as in they took one hundred bleeping photos of us doing different poses.

But they did give us the two prop fish that were riding coach on RyanAir straight to hell. So, in an effort to end their lives as quick as possible, we ate them. We took them to a grilling area, bashed their heads in, and grilled them. We also met three great friends. These guys knew a little English. Ming-Young, the guy with the stocking hat with a ball on top of it, (cute I know) was celebrating his birthday with his best friend and his girlfriend. I hope we added a nice touch, because they were ABSOLUTELY AWESOME to us. Our grill table was having so much fun that others were wanting to get in on the action. People would offer (and we would accept) pork, kimchi, rice cakes, and mushrooms to hang out with our table. It was a glorious hour and a half, and I really hope to see these guys again.

After three bottles of soju, a belly full of delicious fish, and three new friends, Meg and I set off for the next adventure; ice soccer. I still have bruises; I should probably leave it at that, but I can’t resist going into a bit more detail. For about 1 hour, I fell on my ass. Right at the beginning, within the first 15 seconds, the puck was out in front of me and I fearlessly ran to go get it encouraged by the three bottles of soju. Next thing I know, my legs are out from underneath me, and I’m on my back re-evaluating the whole situation. Breathing was very hard at this point, so I got to take a few seconds to evaluate my peers. Ice Soccer might as well of been called Icecapaids with all the Canadians playing. They grow up on this slippery shit; I hope they can get around on it. But yeah, they were pulling flying V’s and other hockey strategies. They were good, and me and this fellow from New York were not: (that is me with a coat on kick saving a would be goal fyi)

With each fall, a little soju would be worked off, and then I was sober. This was not the plan, if you remember. I needed to be liquored up to conquer the cold water that was in 15 minutes. The frozen ice pounded the drunkenness out of me.* But like a soldier marching to the worst situation of his life, I continued towards the bare hand fishing. And it was the worst thing in my life...

I'm facing a hairy frog here, because Bare Hand Fishing was awful. Picture this, an audience of a couple hundred people cheering you on, but you don't want to be cheered on; what you want is to go back to the locker room, and put your clothes back on and wish that you never signed up for this crazy shit. They put our group around a ring of ice, and then waited for like ten minutes to let us jump in, but we were wearing just a shirt and shorts in -10 degrees Celsius. That was awful enough, then we jumped in and my life was taken to another level of hurt. Pain. Pain. Pain. My body wouldn't function. My legs barely worked and my hands certainly weren't going to be grasping any slippery trout. In fact, this is what I was thinking, "I got to get out. I got to get out. What the hell am I walking on? Is this gravel? They put gravel in this tank, as if the artic water wasn't enough. I got to get out of here. SHIT! I can't be the first one out. Hell No, say what ever you want to about me, but I have never been the first one out of any group activity. Ever. Shit, I hope Meg doesn't catch a fish. Okay good there are other people getting out. "

Even in extraordinary pain, funny exchanges occur like this one:

British guy: I'm outta here
Korean Supervisor: You have to catch one fish
British: Oi! MOVE!
Korean supervisor: okay, okay

Of course the Oi! made that funny. So I hopped out of that tank (after about 45 seconds, 0 fish, and I was around the 7th person out of there) and headed towards the locker room hoping my shins weren't going to break like a frozen icicle, because they felt like they were cracking with every step. I got naked and huddled around the heater and the British guy, but mainly the British guy. I watched my blue legs turn back to the normal color of flesh and decided to head outside. Meg was one of like 7 foreingers to catch a damn fish, and I'm leaving it at that.

I'm going to try and convince Meg to post on her experience. Look for that to come out soon.

The Weekend

2009-01-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

I have great and exciting news*, Meg and I are attending an Ice Fishing Festival 3 hours eastnorth** of Seoul. Here is the official website. I especially like this part, "Among the side events planned are ice skating, ice sledding, snow sledding, snow castle building, snow sculptures, bobsledding, ice tubing, ice bumper cars, ice biking, snowman photo exhibits, sledding classes, ice soccer, an “ice train” and more."

* I did a load of laundry last night taking a bite out of the workload. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day...I decided my mess wasn't getting cleaned in a day either.

**I just coined this phrase east north three minutes ago. We are primarily heading east, so I thought why not honor East as the main cardinal direction of our voyage, hence eastnorth.

(Here is what Korean's call the ice tunnel, foreigners call it the Death Tunnel, because there is no way that you can make it through the tunnel without falling at least twice.)

I love sledding, and I think that bobsledding is going to take this love to another level. And how much fun does ice bumper cars sound? We signed up with a group and the cost is only 80 dollars including lodging, transportation, and meals!

Ice fishing was actually on the Life-To-Do list, so I get to cross this off in a big way. Actually, I'm still thinking about Canada for ice fishing. I just know there is going to be a hundred thousand people on this River ice fishing, which is not exactly what I had in mind for my ideal ice fishing experience, (nature, solitude, beauty) but I am very excited to go on this trip.

This part scares me though.

This is a picture of an underground tank filled up with frigid water and trout. The object is to jump in the water and grab as many of the trout as you can. The catch is that the water is freezing making every bodily movement you try useless, and you're wearing shorts, and the fish are slimy. And I HATE cold water.

Story Time
The Irish are tough, and they know they are tough. They have had to deal with more hardships than any other Western European nation, so they are calloused to pain. They also like to tell you that YOU"RE not tough. My boss told me that I couldn't swim in the Irish Sea. He said I was too skinny, and I was too delicate to handle the cold temperatures. He bet me 50 quid that I wouldn't do it.

Well, I did.

And it was AWFUL. I was miserable. Meg asked me how it was, and I couldn't even muster a WORD! I was so cold or something that I couldn't talk. My legs felt like they were full of cement, and I thought I might die. Then, Meg jumps in and swims around like a mermaid having the time of her life. Emasculated, I didn't even want to collect from my boss that called me a wuss and was right. So, yeah, I absolutely hate cold water and am counting on soju to help brave the tank of death. Mark my words*, I will catch more fish than Meg, and finally restore my manliness.

*Sounds like a dare Harry

The Lazy Man

2009-01-07T23:47:00.000-08:00

Here's a visual of the man behind the infamous attempted wig stealing:

(of course I had to find the most ridiculous picture, but I must say he certainly looks like a man that would drop his pants in an arcade without being accused)

I'm going to tell you something that you may or may not know about me; I happen to be one of the laziest men in Seoul. Seoul's population is over 20 million people, so I'm defiantly in contention for laziest man in the world, right? But my laziness is cyclical, and right now I happen to be in a rut or a recession if you will.* It all started when I got sick, or should I trace it all the way back to when Meg's friends arrived from America? Whatever the case may be, my closet has thrown up all over my room. Literally just spewing dirty clothes everywhere. My bag of laundry is overflowing, and I have used the same towel to dry off for about two months. It's so bad that if I go 1 more day, I'm going to have to find the least dirty pair of drawers I have and wear them inside out, or borrow a pair from Meg.

*How many time was The Big Lebowski referenced in that last paragraph? I might just have to watch it tonight... No I must clean.

Are you still with me or did you just throw up like my closet? Of course I am exaggerating (a little) but I am going to conquer my laziness tonight with some good hard work. Unlike the government, it appears as if Meg doesn't sympathize with a struggling man, no bailouts for me.

The Only Mexican in Korea

2009-01-05T21:29:00.000-08:00

(Is the stache me or what???)

When I came down with the flu, I was far too weak to do anything let alone shave the few black hairs that pop up on my face. I was sucking my thumb trying to conserve energy for self-preservation while under blankets in the fetal position, hardly a time to think about shaving, which I might add is one of my least favorite things to do in the world, right behind going to the dentist. After days of being in the fetal position, I noticed something right above my lip. Yes that is the faint beginning of a mustache, so in an effort to be funny I just kept letting it grow. Then a strange thing happened to me. People, friends even, would tell me how much they liked mustaches. One of my co-workers even had one!

I became confused. Maybe I look good in my 1/2 stache, which is exactly what I kept thinking to myself. I googled mustaches, and it appears the mustache is in the early stages of a comeback. (you can research it if you want to) Now, I have never been on the forefront of anything. I am what marketers would call late majority. Hardly memorable and pretty conservative, but the mustache became my chance to take part of something right from the beginning (or in this case the Renaissance). If I would rock the mustache before anyone else, well my friends, a seat of glory would be waiting for me right next to Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

Maybe my illusions of grandeur got into my head prematurely, because if Mr. Pitt (sexiest man alive, ditto for Clooney) was wearing a mustache it can't be a fashion mistake. I mean, I had to be close to the cutting edge of fashion if Pitt was wearing one. I convinced myself that I looked cool with the few hairs above my lip. I was going to be the person who brought the mustache to Korea, an innovator for the first time in my life!

All of my illusions came screeching to a halt last Friday, when these two things happened.

I noticed that one particular post puberty student had a better mustache than mine. How did I notice this? He told me... "Teacher, Teacher, you have mustache like me. Mine is bigger and better."* "No," I said, "your hair is just blacker, that makes it look thicker and better." I said this as fast as I could, hoping he wouldn't be able to understand me, thus gaining my excuse credibility.
Not even ten minutes later, right after the class bell rings, I am walking in the hallway and one of my students points at my stache and starts laughing. "Teacher, Teacher, are you Mexican?" How do I respond to this? How does he even know Mexicans are sterotyped with creepy mustaches? At this instance, I knew the stache had to go.

* That's what she said...

How did I fall victim to the power of the stache? I blame my friends who were out to sabotage me. Was this some kind of inside joke, and behind my back these so called friends were laughing their heads off? I blame the 70's and all the hippy fashions that refuse to die; they tricked me into believing one more fad is on the verge of a comeback. I blame my marketing professors for telling me innovators are the entrepeneurs of this world. But most of all I blame YOU, BRAD PITT! And your damn good looks, making it look easy to rock a stache.

Update

2009-01-03T23:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, well, I still am a woman writer even after my profane penis story. I think that the site is full of it, and some program flips a binary coin; o or 1. My first second job was cancelled. I just can't get another one. Here's some great news from Meg's side though: She won the best foreign teacher award for out company. Olympiad has about 200 employees, and all 200 of us were treated to an end of the year party in a banquet hall. In this setting, Meg beat out 40 or so foreign teachers to win a crystal plaque and a 500 dollar gift certificate!! AWESOME!!

She also got another job. She writes out the dialogue from CNN audio clips. I think she gets 30 bucks for each typing. If anyone is prospering from this trip, it has to be Meg. She is simply thriving. She has a number of jobs, she won this great award, she is surrounded with friends that she recruited, and she is respected by all our colleagues. And she gets to listen to her three favorite bands: Rain, Wonder Girls, and Big Bang. Korean's love their pop music.

Don't call me a woman!

2008-12-31T00:02:00.001-08:00

It never ceases to amaze me how much crap is on the web. I ran across this today. The website analyzes blogs and determines whether the author is a male or female. Well, apparently it can't or I write like a girl. In an effort to boost my manliness maybe I should talk more about baseball, beer, and muscle cars.

Maybe this is a positive though. Girls excelled in English during grade school and beyond, kind of like Asians with math.* Overall, my blog is pretty gender neutral (for now) and the website is 55% confident that a woman writes it. It seems pretty fishy now that I think about, considering this post title: John Post #2. John is not Johanna.

*There are two big Asian stereotypes that I need to address right now. The first one is their math skills; it's true. Asians take math seriously from a young age. In Korea, children take supplementary math classes outside of school in addition to a rigorous math program during school. The other misconception is not true. And I'm talking about how every Asian looks the same. Every Asian looks different, so if you hear another Asians look the same joke, just call bull shit.

In a conscience effort to get more manly, I am going to tell a little humorous story involving some of the characters in Seoul. Of course, what is more manly than the word penis. This is a penis story full of crudeness, but it happened. This is my interpretation of a night that happened with my three closest friends in Korea.

John: Last time I was at an arcade I saw Doug's penis.
me: What?
John: Last time I was in an arcade....I saw Doug's penis.
me: I'm sorry, I keep thinking you're saying you saw Doug's penis in an arcade. You know, the place where little children play video games, Chuck E. Cheese ring any bells. Is Doug a pederast...
John: Wait, Zach never told you this story...

against better judgement I tried to find out more... who am I trying to kid, I HAD to find out more, I fired out this response the instant John stopped talking.

me: Please tell.
John: Okay, I can't believe Zach never told you this. After a particularly heavy night of drinking, Zach, Doug, and I wandered off to an arcade. It's like 3 in the morning, but it's Korea so the place is still open. Have you been to an arcade in Korea?
me: And because it's Korea I have absolutely no problem with you in an arcade at 3 am. But to answer your question I haven't been to an arcade here.
John: They are like back home, but they are usually bigger and they have photo booths. The booths have wigs and other costume like accessories. And the three of us went straight to the photo booths, mainly because I like to take photos with men wearing multi-colored wigs at 3 in the morning while being hammered.
me: But of course, who doesn't!
John: I KNOW, some people are afraid of clowns and others, myself included, have clown fetishes. Anyway, Doug had a hard on for this bright orange Afro wig, and he tried to steal it. The bottom line is: it's three in the morning, the place is empty, two of us are white, and we're all tanked, so we were getting a lot of attention from the one poor bastard still working the place. And Doug's stealing a wig. The teenager working this dead end job had his eye on Doug the entire time and started to walk on over towards us...
me: Did you warn Doug????
John: Yeah, we did. We said, "Doug the guys coming." He then threw the bright orange wig behind the photo booth. Maybe you should sit down for the rest of this, because it gets better.
me: The penis part, yeah I can only imagine.
John: The guy is right by us now looking at Doug. He never SAYS ANYTHING. He DOESN'T ACCUSE Doug of anything. Doug initiates EVERYTHING. Doug sees this guy looking at him and says, "What, I didn't take the wig. You want me to take off my shirt. I'll take off my shirt." Doug then proceeds to take off his shirt saying, "See man I don't have your wig." At this point, Doug was assuming that he had to convince this guy a little more, even though the worker never accused him of anything. The next bit is priceless. Doug says, "What you thinks it's in my pants? You want me to take off my pants? I don't have your wig bro-man. I'll take off my pants." Did I mention we were wasted?
me: So Doug has his shirt off and this guy is probably thinking. "Well, I can't understand a word you're saying, because I don't speak English, and holy shit you just took your shirt off. Things are escalating quickly. I mean, really just getting out of hand."
John: YES! Exactly! The guy probaly didn't speak English and never accused Doug of anything. I mean, he had no idea what was about to happen. Doug drops his drawers to his ankles, and he's standing there, cock blowing in the breeze with boxers around his ankles saying, "See, I don't have your wig bro." He then does a complete 360 naked, just so the guy can really check out any crevasse in his naked Hawaiian body. For a good thirty seconds, Doug is butt-ass naked pirouetting like a Russian ballerina. Just absolutely hilarious.
me: In an arcade...at 3 in the morning...Doug's naked. I should be surprised, but I'm not...just another day on this side of the world.

My First Second Job

2008-12-27T02:24:00.000-08:00

I got my first second job. Does that make sense? I now teach separate classes every Sunday from 1:30 to 3:50 for a side job. My school set this up for me and here's the best part: I get paid about 50 dollars per hour! Holy Shnikes! People all around the world are reeling right now, and somehow I'm getting paid 50 dollars an hour to teach kids English asking myself, "What global economic slowdown?" Meg got the gig as well. This is her 4th job.

It's even more interesting considering the following: I don't have an English or teaching degree, in fact, and I hate to say this because of my current job, but English is and has always been one of my worst subjects. I am sure that anyone who has read over two blog posts can attest to my poor grammar skills. Indeed, I just learned that there is a difference between your and you're a year ago! I have been corrected so many times in my life, but the corrections go in one ear and out the other. I'm a baboo. (that's Korean for idiot)

I was adding up the costs of activities and thought I would post them here:

Big Mac Meal- $3.5

Movie ticket - $5.4

Korean Bar B Que meal*- $3-6.50

Pint of the Korean liqueur Soju- 97 cents

Meal for 1 at Outback Steakhouse- 25 dollars

Glazed Doughnut at Dunkin Donuts*- 70 cents

Clothes are much cheaper but it varies so much; I'm going to just avoid that can of worms

1 liter bottle of Orange Juice- $2.70

Okay and here is the best deal in Korea to date: $11.55 for all you can eat sushi rolls and other buffet items. These are real sushi rolls, with fancy sauces, crab, and did I say crab!!!! What are you going to chase your awesome crab almond roll down with, how about all you can drink wine, which is included in the original sticker price! For those of you keeping score, 11.50 for a buffet and all you can drink wine. Now, granted the wine isn't top shelf, but in this case quantity over quality right?

I remember reading an article somewhere, (yes I do read...once in a while) and it listed Seoul as the the 5th most expensive city in the world. The won was a much stronger currency at that point, to give the article some credit, but looking at the prices that I posted above, I just don't see it. I know real estate is very expensive here, but look at how much a Big Mac meal is! I mean, the 5th most expensive city in the world! Get out of here!

I can travel from one side of Seoul to the other for about 20 dollars. That would get you from one side of JFK to other in New York or maybe a couple of laps around ground zero. The cabbies have got a 10 percent increase coming to them sometime in 2009, which is really going to hurt my wallet. It might take 22 dollars to get to the other side of Seoul! It's laughable how cheap public transportation is here. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION! It is one of the few advantages of living in such a population dense city.

I got to go teach the young ones. Really, this is just a long winded update post, which can be boiled down to: I am feeling better, and I got a side job.

나 아파요 ㅜㅜ

2008-12-26T00:25:00.000-08:00

The title translated = I am sick. I mean I got the flu. I don't remember the last time I had the flu, but holy shit, I don't know if I have had it this bad before. I spent all weekend in the fetal position shivering under blankets. I am now in day 5 of this son of a gun, and it has regressed to a really bad cold. A couple of weeks ago, we switched Tuesday night poker to Monday. So, every Tuesday morning, my apartment has a bunch of beer bottles littered throughout the apartment from the 6-8 players the night before. Well, this Tuesday morning, the beer was replaced by a weekend's worth of powerade bottles and tissues, leaving my apartment equally as trashed.

Meg, who was doing her best to stay away and still comfort me at the same time, is predictably as sick as a dog right now. I have always had this ability to get anyone close to me sick whenever I am sick. Growing up, I would catch a cold, then give it to my mom who would in turn give it to Dave. Or was Dave already sick? I can't remember he's usually sick for half of the winter anyway. I probably don't wash my hands and don't cover my mouth enough. As Dave says, "you always got to be touching something." Sorry.

I'm all hopped up on medicine, and I'm feeling a little crazy. I am working on about three hours of sleep, and Survivor Gabon takes the fall for that. I have never spent anytime watching any of the Survivors, so I don't know if Gabon is a new or old season. All I know is that I spent the bulk of the night between 1-6 in the morning either watching the show or thinking about it.

Here were some of the questions that popped up in my mind: What strategic alliances would I pursue? How would I handle certain personalities? Take Kenny for example, the guy is a shyster, right? A swindler, but he's a player and I like that. Yes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Okay, I lost it for a second, but I'm back on track. Meg and I had a wonderful Christmas in Seoul. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe. So, I have now been to McDonald's and Hard Rock Cafe in three different continents. Unfortunately, this was the worst Hard Rock I have been to food wise. The chicken was a tad bit dry, and my french dip was a bit too rosemaryie. But the atmosphere was great as always. We took our time and enjoyed each other's company. Then we headed out to the best mall of Korea.

Christmas is a national holiday and every body has the day off, so every other person in Korea apparently wanted to head toward the best mall in Korea as well. If you think traffic is bad on Christmas in the states, Great Gatsby, come to Korea. I don't even like walking with that many people around me. I truly get freaked out. The movie theatre was crowded beyond belief, and all the shows were sold out till like 10; it was 4 in the afternoon. We folded our cards and headed to the only place that would cheer me up: The Arcade. Meg and I engaged in an intense battle for basketball supremacy via a basketball shooting arcade. She won and took my man hood with her.

The day was exactly what I needed, a little R&R. Meg's mother did a fantastic job, and sent us quite a bit of presents. So we had a gift exchange that was reminiscent of our family tradition. We both had Santa hats on, and after every gift opening I would yell out, "let's hear it for the..."

John post # 2

2008-12-23T21:46:00.000-08:00

Today, Chris suggested topics for me to write about like a special ed teacher helping some retarded schoolboy lacking the creative intellectual capacities to come up with something comically witty to write on his own. Like the retarded schoolboy Chris seems to deduct me as, I'll obediently take his advice. He anticipated his family would find substantial amusement over my mentioning of items that have recently pissed me off (basically you folks laughing at my expense). Being the retarded schoolboy that I am, having you laugh at me is the greatest value I have to offer you (plus I'm used to it).

This may come as a shocker, but I'm not a real big fan of physical pain, particularly in the cerebral area. Nevertheless, this is exactly what I received from the enormous creature we call Zach. He told me that he had just talked to his Dad. He said his Dad told him to tell everybody "hello" and "slap John on his bald head." To the chagrin of my noggin, Zach relayed the message physically before verbally. Zach's reply, "hey man, don't kill the messenger." Now that my head has stopped ringing like a Salvation Army Christmas bell, I can think clearly enough to realize that it was Mike's way of warmly saying a special "hello" for me, which makes me feel good. Unfortunately, that special "hello" had to pass through the medium of a "Zach-hole" resulting in what I diagnose as a mild concussion (all jokes aside Zach didn't really hit me and let Mike know I return the "hello").

Let's get back to uncharted territory that I like to refer to as the truth. One thing that truly "grinds my gears" (to borrow a Peter Griffin phrase) is Koreans obsessive amount of spitting. I don't know if Chris has mentioned this to you (that would require me to read the blog), but the loogies here are out of control. Worse yet, all ages do it (not just the old who have earned the right to be jerks, but ages of people who haven't, especially babies). Even worse yet, spitting is gender impartial (nothing like seeing Miss Sexy turn into Mr. Ed after releasing large quantities of germ infected liquid from her mouth). Finally worst yet, the place is irrelevant. You see spit outside on the sidewalk, inside on the floor, in the elevator, in the sanctuary, and even in the holy water. Maybe this is some sort of circular justice. Those babies being baptized are just going to have to lie in the bed that they've spat in.

Korean students stink! I mean that in the literal sense of the word. Some of my classes make a football locker room smell like Acqua Di Gio. Trying to get them to use deodorant is like trying to get Mark Mangino to eat a vegetable. Koreans are like "you know what"-holes, they all have one and they all stink. Koreans eat loudly! It's no wonder that the man who once held the world record in eating hot dogs was Asian. Koreans would make a caveman look like he eats with the gracefulness of an English queen. The worst part about it is when teachers eat at school (which they always do). I can't get any work done because I'm being distracted by the eating orchestra. I have important things to do like chatting on facebook or watching youtube clips of midgets fighting monkeys.

Koreans' stinginess with the condiments irritate me like a rash south of the belly button. I'm a big fan of ketchup. At McDonalds, you're lucky to get one package (no dispensers anywhere mind you). That one package lasts me my first three fries, then, what the hell am I supposed to do? I go up and politely ask for some more ketchup, so they hand me one more package. Great, three more fries are taken care of. Keeping my cool, I say, "Umm no. Sorry, you don't understand. I'm going to need a lot of ketchup." They smile and say, "so sorry." They come back with two more packages of ketchup. I proceed to explain to them why they need ketchup dispensers, but they don't know what the word "dispenser" means. Ten minutes later after talking to a 17 year old Korean McDonald worker and unsuccessfully translating to him the condiment obligation of fast food joints, I returned to my fries with my meager three ketchup packages. I still didn't have nearly enough ketchup, but my fries were ice cold by this point, so it didn't matter.

I'm not usually one to complain, but those are a few things that "grind my gears" in Korea. I wish everybody a Merry Christmas.

The Big Fat, Hairy Frog Part 1

2008-12-09T04:14:00.000-08:00

I have had problems writing about subjects that are fascinating. I have had writer's block on the DMZ, the weekend Meg and I spent at a Buddhist monastery, and Guam. The DMZ and the monastery were truly special events, and to be honest, I cannot do them justice with my amateur writing skills. I just want to type, "You have to see it, you just have to be there, it was neat." Well, I am forcing myself to write about them right now, in an effort to Eat that Frog.

Guam

Alright I don't remember how much I touched on Guam during the beginning of this blog, but Guam was awful. Guam, the place where Americans first raise, the place where the sun first hits America, the place that isn't really America at all. When I was in Europe, many of the Irish people I worked with would jokingly call America the home of the 48 states, because Alaska and Hawaii don't count. What does that make Guam? Everything in that little island made me mad.

We got off the plane; we had been flying all day. The flight to Hawaii was 10 hours, and then the flight to Guam was another 10 or so. Hell, we even went to Chicago or Houston from Saint Louis before making the flight to Hawaii*. I was on a plane long enough to give Al Gore an ulcer from my massive carbon footprint. We arrived in Guam and immediately went to the airport help desk, because WE WERE IN GUAM. Guam has a wiki page as big as Harrisonville Missouri's. We didn't know what to do; my only information on Guam was my grandpa told me there were no birds on the island because snakes ate all their eggs. Well, I saw birds when the airplane was taxiing down the runway, so that little golden conversation nugget was immediately thrown out the window. No knowledge of the island, and I mean none, but I had a gut feeling that the residents of Guam would be extremely friendly. That's the reputation of island folk anyway.

*It's been a long time since I had to fly all those hours. Now, that I think about it was it Atlanta we flew from or was it Denver...

The helpful man at the desk really did us wonders. We approached him apprehensively, knowing that he spoke English, but having to convince ourselves at the same time.* We weren’t prepared to say the least. We told him that we need to go to this address and pointed at the address on a note card. He told us in perfect English, that we need to go to the Marina hotel. He said that it was 50 dollars a night. We said great! 50 bucks, we'll take. We have made TWO crucial mistakes within 10 minutes of our arrival in Guam.

1. Our first mistake was trusting the guy at the help desk, who spoke perfect English, and may or may not have had the ability to read English.

2. The second mistake was not taking advantage of our free hotel tab, since the teaching academy was going to pick up our hotel tab. I think we didn't really know if the company would pick up the tab, so we just really didn't trust it. Looking back, we placed our faith in the wrong person.

*Maybe it was our apprehension that pissed him off. Maybe he didn't like me because of his secret ability to know that I voted for Bush in 2004, and he hates Bush, and hates the fact that he does not have a vote in the matter. Maybe he thought we were military, and last week some Navy diver just stole his girlfriend, and this diver happened to have an uncanny resemblance to me. I don't know, but I think that he was up to something when he sent us to that shit hole they call Marina Hotel.

The ever so helpful clerk pointed us toward the taxi pick up and drop off place. We were greeted by a friendly Filipino immigrant who spoke like four languages, while being fluent in maybe one of them, and of course it wasn't English. I told him Marina Hotel. He said Hyatt. I told him Marina Hotel, and he said Hamilton. I told him Marina Hotel and he said Marriott. After four more similar exchanges, he asked me if I was sure. He told me that the popular hotels are along the beach. He pointed in the direction of these "popular" hotels and then pointed in the opposite direction towards my sweet Marina. I should have picked up on the many subtle and not so subtle hints that the Marina was away from the action, away from the good beaches, and more likely than not the Marina was going to be a shit hole, but being the optimistic/gullible person that I am, I knew that it would be close to the Korean Immigration office, and any beach would be a short cab ride away. I couldn't even find Guam on the map two days ago; it has to be about the size of Harrisonville right? We could walk!

The next part of the story reminds me of A Boy Named Sue. The cabbie basically dropped us off, said good luck, and KNEW we were going to have to get tough or die! My American pampered ass got dropped off in the worse damn hotel I've ever stayed in, including some questionable hostels in Europe. The worst part about it was that the ride from the airport cost about 35 dollars. You would think that we traveled for twenty five minutes or more to accumulate such a large bill. Noooooo more like ten minutes. Just getting in a taxi cost 6 bucks. Everything on that damn island was very expensive, probably due to the fact that it is in the middle of nowhere. There is an expression BFE, well it should be BFG.

I slept off the anger of the crummy hotel, and looked forward to going to the Korean Embassy which was located near our sweet Marina. The bugs crawling under my sheets gave me a nice massage, anyway, so I got a good night sleep. Well, the morning came as it always has in my first 23 years of existence, and with the help of our hotel desk clerk we headed in the direction of the Korean embassy. Only both the airport help guy and our hotel receptionist sent us to the American embassy. We are now standing in-line with a bunch of non-American citizens renewing their visas, while we are struggling to even get to the Korean embassy. We Were Sent To The Wrong Embassy! We got a new lead on the location of the Korean embassy, so after 25 dollars and five minutes in a taxi we landed right in front of the Korean embassy.

We were interviewed by a Korean who asked us simple questions, but we didn't have the answers. This was a last minute deal. 10 minutes and 20 questions later, I have Meg breaking down because of this man's rudeness and a very real frustration with the process that has been taking place. My Korean company originally gave us a date sometime in early June, now we are in Guam maybe around the 18th of July. They delayed us about a month and a half. Then they sent us NO information of the company or where we would be living, because they needed us so quickly and the details weren’t that much of a priority, I guess. This guy was a dick and had no understanding of our situation at all.

“Hey prick, you ride in a plane for 30 hours, then talk your shit!” I didn't say that, but I should have. The Korean Embassy was full of two applicants: Meg and I. The American embassy, on the other hand, was just like every other government department: busy with customers, unorganized, and awful. Here's the funny thing, I'll take the latter as opposed to some jerk making us feel awful. Not to mention that all those people wanted to go work in America and not in Korea. If there was a time that I thought I made an awful mistake, then that was it, right on the northeast side of BFG.

The mean Korean who was apparently tired of our ignorance sent in his partner who was a younger, nicer man. He told us to come back in at the end of the day for our visa. Outside of the Embassy, we looked around and saw The Hyatt, The Hamilton, and Marriot, literally hundreds of feet from this hell hole embassy. Hopefully you are beginning to see why I hate Guam.

The cab ride back to the shit hole i.e. sweet Marina was another 25 dollars, then the cab ride back to the hell hole i.e. Korean Embassy was another 25, and then back to the shit hole, and then another 30 to the airport. That’s how I kept track of my Guam experience, one expensive cab ride after another. Oh yeah, I experienced a torrential downfall while walking around, had the worse upset stomach of my life (up to that point, it has been exceeded) and I swam in the Ocean near the shit hole, which I later found out to be sewage water. Oh yeah, Guam is a good time, you should go there and stay in the Marina Hotel, and ask the airport desk man for help. Don’t forget to take as many taxi rides as you can!

2008-12-02T02:09:00.001-08:00

DMZ pictures

A difference

2008-12-01T01:48:00.000-08:00

I have seen 7 movies in Korea, and I've come up with a unique way to tell if I liked the movie. If I really liked the movie, then something different happens once the lights come on. I completely forget my surroundings, and am shocked to see that I am one of two non-Asians in the theater. (Meg being the other) Think about it for a second, when you are watching a good movie the world disappears. So, once those lights turn on, I am expecting to see a bunch of white people rushing out to the parking lot to drive home, not a bunch of Asians rushing to an elevator.* During a good movie, I forget that I am in Asia. Bad movies, well, I remember that I am in Asia. I know that I will stand out walking toward the elevator. I know exactly where I am, there is no "escapism" for bad talking pictures.

* Most movie theaters are on the top floors of department stores. The movie theater I go to is on the 11th and 12th floor, so there is not way I am hoofing down to the bottom, and no one else is thinking about walking either. This results in a rat race to the elevator, pure pandemonium. I don't think I have caught the first elevator yet!!

My DMZ post will be later this week, once I load the pictures that I took.

Turkey Day minus the turkey

2008-11-27T00:56:00.000-08:00

We are a day ahead of all of you back home, so Happy Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving, a day of thanks, a day of pilgrims, a day of feasts, a day of football, has to be one of my favorite holidays. It kicks off the holiday season, my favorite time of the year!

There are a few parallels between my current situation and those pilgrims from yesteryear. On one hand, you have a bunch of foreigners fighting everyday for survival in a world so alien. On the other, you have the pilgrims. I mean, they were all buddy buddy with the natives. They had Pocahontas, or was she in Jamestown. Okay I am kidding. We have it soooo easy.

We work from 3 to 11. They are strange hours. Zach did a little research and quickly found a wide arrange of different restaurants offering a Thanksgiving Day spread. The problem was that these buffets ALL started between 5 and 6 pm. We were SOL. We, as the pilgrims had done before us, decided to feast on what we had on hand. I sent out an e-mail to about 10 people. Meg, Doug, and I were the only ones at the meet up spot at the meeting time, everyone else no showed. We were going to head to Gecko's, a place that Zach picked out, but we didn't know how to get there without him. A familiar sign saved the disappointing turn out: Outback Steakhouse! It turned out that three others actually went to Gecko’s and we just missed them by a few minutes. I don’t know why they didn’t call us, but I am happy with our decision to go to Outback. Hey, if given the option of steak or turkey I’m pretty sure the pilgrims would’ve taken the latter. It’s not my fault they were struggling to survive grueling hardships. I had a glorious American meal, from (I think) an American chain with two great people.

Here is the most memorable part of the whole experience. Mind you, we are in a family restaurant. All restaurant chains play music. Italian chains play Frank Sinatra, seafood chains play Jimmy Buffet, and steakhouse chains are supposed to play country western music. Well, apparently that part of “Opening an Outback Franchise Manual” didn’t translate well in Korean. This particular store was playing hip-hop. I was tempted to write blasting hip-hop, but I thought that might be a little over kill. Now, after looking back at that sentence, playing hip hop at a loud level sounds just about perfect. Strange I know, but it gets stranger. They were playing un-edited hip-hop. Needless to say, there was a lot of cursing going on in a pretty nice restaurant. Teachers like me must not be doing a good job because no one seemed to notice at all. It was very weird. The service was great. The waiter spoke English, and was there for our every beckoning. I use to think tipping makes servers better, because they strive for a bigger tip. But the service over here is just great, and we never have to tip. This debunks my entire theory. Also, the fast food is better over here (except for the French Fries, which are often not fresh). The sandwiches are more consistent and very fresh, so it might just be that the Korean workforce is better. I don’t know.

Random Thought: The only place I have seen turkey over here is Quizzno's. They never have any deli meats besides ham. Pork, chicken, and beef are the only meat options.

Update:
10 more days until two of Meg’s friends come to Seoul! Meg got three recruits for the December term.

If Mizzou beats KU this weekend, and the winner of the Big 12 South the following weekend, then they will get a great BCS bowl game. The Fiesta!!! All is not lost, but that Oklahoma State loss at home still stings.

DYK- I am now an author of three books. These are work books, but they have been published. I am kind of a big deal. Working on a fourth as we speak. Meg, by the way, might be published in a magazine called Working Abroad. Here is the address.

Poker Tuesday: I got third, 5th, and 2nd place out of 6 people this past Tuesday.

We are heading to the DMZ this weekend. I'll tell you all about it next week.

Here are some funny pics

2008-11-25T03:01:00.000-08:00

I got sidetracked today. Here are some funny pics I found.

Shocking

2008-11-24T01:56:00.000-08:00

My students will often say explicit words in class. I have heard that the most exported words in the English language are okay and other four letter words. I feel like a parent in these situations. How should I discipline these youngsters for cussing? Do they know what the word means and how offensive it is? I always try to uphold a decent classroom, meaning I try to make it a good learning environment, so I usually scold them while trying to educate them on the word they just used.

One of my fellow co-workers had quite the amusing story today. Her students were supposed to pick emotions, and then act them out like Gestures. One little boy, a nine year old, picked the emotion shocked. He then yelled, "Oh Fuck!" He then proceeded to grab his own throat and strangle himself. He was then dead. That was his act. Shocked would be the right emotion, especially for the teacher! How do you discipline that? Where do you begin?

Alright here is a list of how people have gotten to this site via google searches. These are the only ones I have documented. This is just interesting to me probably.

If you type in Brookersider Bar

This is funny. I misspelled the bar name. It's Brooksider. Someone else made the same mistake and wound up here. Worst mistake of their life.

dumaytravels

Easy enough right. Someone was looking for this blog. You have to type it all in one word though.

imos pizza posnanski

This is just a funny search. Imos pizza is my favorite pizza in the world, and Posnanski is my favorite writer who happens to hate Imos. This was also a random search.

Korean skyscrappers 2008 pusan

Well, once again there is a mistake in my writing, and the searchers. Pusan is officially (I think) spelled Busan. And of course I misspelled skyscrapers.

The moral of this is: make sure you have the right spellings of what you are searching for or you could end up in a dead end site like this!!!

Random Tidbits

2008-11-19T22:43:00.000-08:00

The bartender that trained me way back in the day at ol' Longhorn has moved on to bigger and better things. He has started a website that I find very interesting. Check out this video of what food looks like in heaven. Not bad production values chef Billy.
We had our first snow in Seoul, so yeah it's cold. It was more of a rain snow, but I saw flakes none the less. Here is my question to you: Do Seoul's massive skyscraper's help reduce wind or make it worse? That is the million dollar question that keeps me up at night.
The Rave

Well, I've done it. I finally had a big club experience. It was exactly what I thought it was going to be like. We got their too early at around 10:00, not a good thing when the cheapest drink on the menu is 7 dollars. The dance floor reminded me of a video game, namely Sims. Everyone was about evenly spaced, just dancing to the music the same way, and there was no interaction. Some people were looking at the DJ and some were looking at the guests coming into the club. It just looked awkward. By about 1:00 at night, it was hard to walk.

The funniest thing of the night came early. We were debating where we wanted to go in the club, when a Korean lady approached us. This club is loud, really loud. It is so loud that North Korea could drop nuke on Seoul, and I would not hear it. You could stand six inches away from me and yell in my ear, and I simply could not hear what you said. So this young lady walks up to Meg and starts yelling something. She then offers me her hand, and I shake it. She then yells, "You can dance on the speakers!" After she left, I looked at Meg and yelled, "Where are these speakers she's talking about?"

I am not going to lie, I was moderately interested in dancing on some big speakers. Meg just stared at me with a puzzled look, "What speakers? She said, she's here to help English Speakers!"

So, yeah it was loud. I had a buzzing in my ears for the next two days! The next morning I swore off big clubs. The 9th best DJ in the world, had opening acts, and didn't get on stage till like 2:30 am.* I didn't know DJ's had opening acts. Apparently, they're kind of a big deal. He came out, (should I reword that) and was good, but I can't tell if he was any better than the three spinners before him. Whatever. My ears hurt, my dancing shoes were broken, (due to this electronic dance pop garbage) and those seven dollar shots of tequila were settling in, so I decided to save my good dance moves for another day. We left around 4 a.m.

I felt like Dorthy just writing that sentence, "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore." Bars close before 2:30 back home, and things just start getting good at 2:30 here. Yes, I am a long ways from home.

The next day I woke up, as you can imagine, in a pretty grim state. I sauntered down to Meg's room only to find her gone, but she left me a note. She was gone to buy some boots for winter. I then flipped on the television. Here's the deal: we only get one channel in English. It's called AFN. It stands for the Armed Forces Network, if it isn't obvious enough for you, then it's for the military.

I have no idea how they pick the shows they do, but whatever they pick we're stuck with, because it's the only channel in English. Weekday afternoon's it's Judge Judy, Dr Phil, and soap operas. At night it's Jay Leno, David Letterman, and Craig I can't spell his last name. This particular morning I flipped on the tele to find Extreme Makeover Home Edition. And, wow, all I got to say is that show should come with a disclaimer: "All masculinity will be thrown out the window, while watching this show. Men, leave now the room now if your credibility could in anyway be jeopardized." or "Go to a dark place by yourself, and never talk about what happened."

So, and I blame my condition, a condition of ringing ears, hunger, grogginess, and a small headache. But that show got to me. This little girl had cancer, and her days were limited, but she was a fighter. She thought that she was going to beat it again for the second time. She also went to the hospital to help other children. She meant so much to her family, and her family and given up everything to help her battle cancer. So I'm watching this sensitive stuff early in the morning, and I battling not to lose it.

There are no other channels, so flipping the channel is not an option. Turning the TV off was an option, but I wanted to see that damn house finished. The emotional music cued and I welled up like Dick Vermiel. Extreme Makeover Home Edition and Armageddon are cemented in my do not watch list around other people, yet I have just disclosed this information to the ten people who read this thing.

Poker Night

Last Tuesday was our first poker night. There were six people in my room all playing Texas Hold-em. After reading the table and its patrons, I knew that there were two good players, one novice, (me) and two newbies. It was a five dollar buy-in tournament, with an option to buy back in, and I managed to get second place in the tournament without having to buy back in. I was happy. The winner was going to pay for a cab to McDonald's. I went in my closet to grab a sweater. The sweater I pulled out was like two sizes to small, and it had a little hole on the arm. Apparently, just like a high maintenance woman, my sweater travelled very poorly, so I sold it to John for a Big Mac.

The best trade I ever made in my life! John ended up wearing the sweater to work the next day. Here is his story:
kids- Teacher did you get a new sweater?
John- Yes
kids- then why does it have a hole in it?
John- Well, I bought someone a big mac for it.

That's just funny.

Meg and I saw the movie Taken. We went to it with out any reviews of the movie. In fact, we didn't even know what it was about period. We didn't have any expectations, so we were pleasantly surprised. Plus it's fun to make up your own opinions without any influence from others. I am going to try and see more movies this way.
Meg got another side job offered to her. I'm starting to think I might be dating a star. A recruiter offered her the chance to tutor a Chief Operating Officer for LG. She will get paid like 40 dollars an hour while working two hours a week, if she chooses to accept. That will be her second side hustle.

I am sorry to hear that Cotton passed away. He was a good dog for many, many years.

Paepaero

2008-11-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

Here is a funny exchange I just had with a Korean:

Me: "Samantha, how do you spell Paepaero?"

Samantha: "Pae..."

Me: "What?"

Samantha:"Pae...Pae...Ro"

Me: "One more time"

Samantha: Pae...Pae...Write this down...Ro. Maybe* Pae Pae Lo sounds better.

Me: PaePaeRo or PaePaeLo?

Samantha: PaePaeRo.

So as you can see sometimes you have to be patient. Remember, Korean's say their B's and P's remarkably similar, so the whole time in my head I thought that this was Baebaero day. B's and P's are similar phonetically, so I can understand this mistake. They also say l's and r's the same, and I have no idea why those letters are hard for them.

*Maybe. This is one of the most commonly used words by Koreans. They use it to begin half their sentences. It has different meaning too. I have yet to fully grasp all the meanings that maybe can connotate. Sometimes it means yes, sometimes no, sometimes it's what they want to do, "Maybe, go to Seoul Pub and then Lofts." and sometimes it's what they think you want to hear, "Maybe, fried chicken." I don't get it.

Needless to say, I am not very confident that I spelled this holiday correctly. Paepaero is a cracker stick coated in chocolate. This holiday was set up by a company every 11/11 to sell more chocolate. This is a brilliant marketing device, but pretty shameless at the same time. I felt conflicted buying these chocolate sticks for Meg. On one hand, I want to take part in Korean culture, but I don't really like the concept of this particular holiday. It's like Valentine's Day, you exchange crackers with crushes and friends.

Okay, Samantha just brought over a box of the candy coated sticks, it's PePeRo. She claims, "it's spelled wrong." Translation can be a fickle thing, but I am siding with Lotte on this one, Samantha.

Think about this: every major holiday is consumer driven. If it's not consumer driven then it's not a real popular holiday. Christmas you buy gifts, Thanksgiving you buy food, Halloween you buy candy, Valentine's Day (Mother's and Father's Day too) you go out to eat, Easter you buy crap, and even holidays like Labor and Memorial day you go on a vacation or have a BBQ. Martin Luther King's day, Veteran's Day, and Earth Day are holidays off the top of my head that aren't consumer driven. These holiday's have great reasons for existence, they just don't get a lot of attention. Okay, that's the rambling thought of the month.

Meg is doing great work with her "side hustle". She has about six candidates lined up. I think she really likes recruiting. She loves it here, and I think her enthusiasm rubs off on others. It is remarkable really, in about ten days she has 6 recruits! Keep it up Meg and you can buy me a computer for Christmas! It might also have something to do with the current conditions in America too. I read that it takes around five months for the average unemployed job seeker to find employment. College loans start up in 6 months so that's cutting it pretty close.

This weekend Meg and I are going to see the 9th best DJ in the world, according to DJ Mag. This should be an interesting experience. I have NEVER been a real club guy, but I have never been to a rave either! Here is his website.

Lastly here is pic of a Pepero stand.

The Halloween

2008-11-05T00:09:00.000-08:00

Halloween isn't just a child's holiday, I quickly learned this in college. With men salivating every October it's no wonder why this has become one of the most popular holidays, the chocolate is just so good! The real reason of course is the naughty nurses, naughty teachers, naughty librarians, and well, you get the picture, Halloween is an excuse for ladies to dress promiscuous, causing me to pledge a faithful alliance to the dark holiday. Somewhere along the history of this holiday, women got the idea to take advantage of the costume thing.

As I have come to learn, many things are opposite here in Korea, the best example being nay. Nay means no in English, here it means yes. Patrolling the streets of Seoul on Halloween night, something just didn't add up t. The air was chilly, there was defiantly excitement in the air, but something was just off. Was it pumpkins, leaves cahnging there colors, or candy? Or, colud it of been the fact that men had less clothing on than women. I saw Micheal Phelps clad in just a speedo, swim cap, and eight chocolate gold medals. I saw some Asian man wearing a diaper and huge angel wings. So the men wore less than the women, and that's not even counting the skimpy little number I was wearing!

Say hello to the new President of America Meg!

Fan Death to the left

Peace Man

The Pros and Cons of Teaching in Korea

2008-11-03T20:40:00.000-08:00

Here is a pro and cons list of coming to Korea:

Pros

This is a continuation of college, by that I mean little responsibility.
The compensation is more than sufficient. The cost of living in Seoul is very affordable. The only expensive thing in Seoul is the real estate, which happens to be taken care of by the teaching academies/public schools. It is very easy to get by, here's an example of a typical night out: 1 dollar subway ride to your destination, 8 dollar nice dinner, (drinks are $2.50-3.50) and then a taxi ride home split between people usually costs around 4 dollars.* So depending on how much you drink, it's very reasonable.
No expenses- You have to fork up about 100 dollars every month in utilities, that's it. Think about the savings, no car payment, no car insurance, no gasoline, and no rent. Health insurance is very cheap, and I have a ten dollar a month cell phone plan.
Save Money- see above. Many people I have run across have saved money for master programs or more schooling when they go back home. If you're thinking about extending your education, this would be a great place to get a head start.
Pay College Loans- Get a good start paying back those ugly monsters.
Seoul- Seoul is the second biggest city in the world. It's huge. There is stuff going on all the time.
Learn a new culture and language- talk about expanding your horizons, Asia is the on the opposite side of the culture spectrum than western culture.
Travel- See the rest of this side of the world. If I don't get to visit two other countries on this experience, I will be extremely disappointed in myself. First up, Thailand and Laos!
The Resume- Employers want to see global experience and while this might not be the ideal experience, it is an experience none the less.
Good Job- There is minimal stress related when working this job. It's easy and it can be fun.

*While it is hard to spend a lot of money in Korea, it can be done. The majority of streets in Seoul have claw machines. These are really bright and big claw machines. The prizes aren't just stuffed animals, these aren't kids claw machines. The prizes are fancy butane lighters and cell phones and then they have random prizes like underwear. Crazy I know. Last night, I was walking down the street with about seven guys. We ran into a street carnival, equipped with air guns, punching bags, (You basically wind-up and hit the bag as hard as possible, and it rates your punch, on a scale of 1000) and other carny games.

The punching bag was a money drainer to say the least. With that much testosterone in a ten foot radius, money was flying in that machine to see who could hit the bag the hardest. After about 6 dollars (split between us) we learned that there is some strategy to it. A straight stiff, straight right was our model. After about 8 dollars and a nearly broken wrist, I had the high score at 8942. But the high score ever was 9357, (I'm speaking for myself here, but I think we wanted that high score or at least 9000.) so after 15 dollars and sore wrists the group moved on to head butting the bag for bragging rights. This is of course after playing darts for about three hours. I have never been around such competitive people in my life! After twenty dollars, sore wrists, and headaches the group disbanded to go home. Here was the summary of my spending on that night: 1 buck for the subway, 1 dollar for the street corn dog, 1.50 for the chicken on a stick, 4 dollars for darts, 10 dollars for beer, 3 dollars for the bag, 5 dollars for the taxi to McDonald's, and $6.75 at Mikey D's. 4 hot cakes, a Sausage Egg McMuffin, and hash browns always end the night with an explanation mark!* 30 dollars for all that fun, and the majority of the expenses were not necessary by any means! I have a sprained wrist to prove it.

Wait, the asterisk was going to be about how taxi's are so cheap. You could go to Columbia from Kansas City for 40 dollars in a taxi, based on Seoul taxi rates. No probably not, but you can go from one end of Seoul to the other for 20 bucks. Not bad at all, especially with five people in the cab. Then, remember that the cabs are basically roller coasters, that's worth the price of admission alone.

**McDonald's has the best breakfast fast food. I just want to quash the debate that Hardee's is better right now! Actually, my wrist hurts maybe another time.

Cons

Teaching kids can be frustrating. It tests your patience. Sometimes you have to sing and dance to get any reactions at all, and other times you have to slam fists on desks to get them to stop talking.
Seoul- This is a big city. It has some dirty aspects about it. The sidewalk etiquette is absurd, just awful.
Korean's have poor manners. They are in a hurry and will bump into to you. This is a future post.
THE WON- The won has lost 20% of it's value to the dollar this year and is extremely volatile. Things are looking better, because the won was down like 32%. This will undercut your savings if this performance doesn't hange.
Homesick- This isn't the States/whatever your home is. I have not watched one Chiefs or Royals game and just one MU game in 3 and 1/2 months. The food, while extremely delicious, can be boring after awhile. It would be similar to eating Mexican food everyday for 3 months. That sounds like it would be very good, but trust me, it'll get old after a while. There are a few ethnic restaurants. The driving can be scary. It just takes a little bit of adjustment.
North Korea could blow up Seoul. Not likely at all, that's what I tell myself at least, and we have a spot in the subway with a shank and canned food and bottled water, and...

Alright here is my summation: My generation is not going to be able to retire... ever, or at the best case scenario 85, so why not take advantage of youth and do something bold. Korean's have generally liked me, and they generally like Americans. America is the reason South Korea is what it is today, it's easy to rail on America's wars in the Middle East, but it worked here in Korea. The average South Korean is three inches taller than the average North Korean. They have a good life because of American intervention, and there's a token amount of respect for that reason. Sometimes I'm completely shocked at how I get treated, I have received tons of free stuff, I stayed with a family in a Buddhist temple, and random people want to get their picture taken with me. I'm just an ordinary Joe, too.

I have the rest of my life to figure out what I want to do, and I know that a cubicle is not in my calling right now. Just like the stock market, my emotions on Korea can be a roller coaster, but there is no doubt in my mind that this has been a good idea.

Pictures of my Birthday

2008-10-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

Check out the album of my party. I'll put more picture up later.

These are my favorite pictures though:

The PC Room Comparison

2008-10-25T23:24:00.000-07:00

Meg's laptop is no longer charging up, which provides a little dilemma for our weekend Internet needs. The solution has become going to PC Bongs. These are basically computer labs that cost a little less than a dollar per hour. Hooked up to ultra fast Internet, I'm ready to go.

The sights, smells, and sounds that accompany a trip to a PC Bong are one of a kind. Here is an observation list:

1) I have never seen a woman in here except for Meg, so I'll conservatively estimate a 95% men to women ratio

2) The average age is 17

3) The place smells like a mix between ramen noodles, cigarettes, and BO. The noodles are sold here and you can use a microwave, there is a smoking side but the ventilation is horrible so it wafts over into non, and body odor. Teenage boys playing games for hours in a non-ventilated room, need I say more.

4) They play RPG games. That's it. They're addicted, reminding me of that South Park episode. It's not crack, it's Starcraft.

5) The Sounds include all the sound effects of computer games. No one has headphones on, so with their computer volume blasting it becomes very loud. Picture a very crowded arcade, but every machine plays the same sound.

To be honest it reminds me of my freshman year of college with my roommate Dave, who never did anything but play computer games.

1) Girls were not over ever, our room maybe had a 90% men to women ratio. We were in an all male dorm though...(my excuse)

2) The average age was 18 and 1/2

3) Smelled like teen aged boys, one of whom has questionable hygiene* and pizza. Dave ordered a pizza every other day. Not joking either, IMO's was called more than every other number combined. We weren't smokers.

4) He played RPG games like 8 hours a day. It was a full time job.

5) Dave did wear headphones though. Thanks for the courtesy, Dave.

*Alright, I've been taking heat for the amount of showers I take during a week. No one has ever told me I shower too much, but I don't remember ever being criticized for the amount I shower this much. People gasp at the fact that I don't shower everyday. I, on average, shower 3.8 times a week. I figured this out because 80% of the time I shower 4 times a week, but every once in a while I'll just manage a meager three showers, in an attempt to save the whales and the citizens of Atlanta. Now that I'm working out, I average 5-6 showers a week. For my birthday, I have received a photo album, (from a Korean co-worker) a magnetic dart board, (from Keith and Theresa) a Korean traditional hand fan piece of art, (this is awesome, and it was given to me by the check-in lady at the gym) protein powder (from Meg, this is what I really wanted), a cake, (from the b0ss) and a louffa. Someone is trying to send a message here, and it's not that I need to hone my dart skills.

So, here I am surrounded by geeks once again, feeling right at home even though I'm trillions of miles away from it, and angry that the Won continues to suck, and even angrier that N. Korea plans on turning Seoul to rubble! To the subway, Meg! But it was a celebration of my life yesterday, so lets just push pass the negative. Last night was amazing because of the people who helped me celebrate it.

Here is some insight to my situation: Foreigners all have the same universal experiences while living in Korea, allowing people with nothing in common to come together. Many of my friends over here would not be my friends back home, because of different personalities. Either by working together, living near eachother, or simply because there aren't that many English speaking people, we're forced to overcome adversities in our relationships. This has been the most rewarding part of this journey. One day Meg and I will hang out with a double math major from Cornell, and the next day we'll hang out with somebody representing the opposite end of the spectrum, Zach. Holding one common bond with people has allowed me unique friendship experiences, and I bet this will also be the most beneficial aspect of this experience for the Career World. I'll be able to work with everybody.

The cast of characters that flanked me last night was a diverse group to say the least. There were four Koreans, two people with Asian ancestry, two African-Americans, an American with Middle East descent, and an Australian. I had an unforgettable day with over 15 friends.

The Gym

2008-10-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

Body aroma masked with other fragrances, fluorescent lights, general anxiety, and a random Asian brazenly roaming around in his birthday suit to this day flood my senses as I remember walking through the Missouri University Recreational Center men's locker room. I have a year long membership to a gym here in Korea, and I have to say, I see way too many naked Asians. They seem to perfectly adept to being nude.

There's no shame in these Korean men. They prance here and there stark naked. Brush there teeth naked, get on the scale naked, spray their hair naked, and finish their stretches naked, which might be the most disturbing thing to see. Ever. They do the laundry naked, wash their car naked, tie their shoes naked, cook bacon naked, to be completely honest, the last thing these guys do is put on their clothes when getting ready. Maybe the majority of people's morning ritual includes being naked for an extended period of time, in PRIVATE. The scene in the men's locker room is Korea's best reenactment of a Roman bathhouse tragedy, minus the women.

I thought I had a personal trainer, but I don't. The trainers do take a interest in me more than others, because I am a rare foreigner in the gym, so they will assist me sometimes. I walked in on one of these trainers, during scene 21 of Roman Bathouse Korean Edition #11. Now, I don't want to lift a bunch of weight with H* standing over me. Even worse, grabbing me to correct my mangled lifting form into perfection. Some of these positions that lifting requires are awkward enough, add a trainer in a precarious position helping you, throw in the fact that you have just seen this man naked, a pinch of random stares, and you have a recipe for a newly converted gym homophobic.

*H is apparently his English name; he has a Hollister hat that reads H, I'm assuming he had that particular hat on one day and the boss was like
"All the other personal trainers have English names, you need one too. I don't care that you don't speak that much English, what name would you like?"
H (in Korean) - "I don't know any English names"
Boss (also in Korean, looking at his hat)- "How about H?"
And so it was done, the name H was born.

I now spend about one minute and fifteen seconds in the locker room, and I'm trying to cut it down another 25 secs.

Jamaica Album

2008-10-22T01:31:00.000-07:00

Pictures courtesy Meg. This was our Jamaican vacation for spring break last year.

the continuation of the To be Continued

2008-10-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: After receiving some feedback, I want everyone to know that I don't drink that much. Maybe half of the posts I write contain some form of alcohol, but remember I only write one or two posts a week. So it may seem like I'm drinking a ton, but I'm not. In reality, this blog magnifies the amount of drinking done. In fact, I have never been healthier. I go to the gym four times a week. I eat more veggies and fruits than I ever have, and I drink 2 gallons of water everyday. Just because I'm at a bar doesn't mean that I am drunk, believe me I am never as bad as my Korean counterparts. The stories that contain alcohol are events that happen, and usually have a story worth telling. If I just wrote I woke up, watched "The Young and The Restless" taught some ornery kids, ate gimbap, watched Letterman, and went to bed. Would that interest you? That being said, this post contains alcohol.

The continuation of the To be Continued
After the tiring competition, we ate some pork belly and then headed home and fell immediately asleep. Right now you must be thinking, "why didn't he just finish that last sentence on his last entry?" Well, I am thinking the exact same thing myself. What a waste of a to be continued! Apparently, I had other ideas for the story, but I have lost them over the course of a week.

That Sunday we saw Hellboy 2, which was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I usually can watch and appreciate B movies too, this one was hard to stomach. The only American movies that come to Korea are action adventure and family movies though, so I'm sure I'll see some more duds. The plot had some historically bad love flings, the cheesiest dialogue, and bizarre characters. Star Wars characters look normal compared to these dudes. Awful. I really want to see the new Cohen brothers movie, Burn after Reading. One reviewer said it could develop a cult like following. Sound familiar anyone? If you have seen it please drop a comment.

Sometime before this weekend, Meg, John, Doug, and I were playing darts. We met a Korean man named Hyuksu. Doug and John left to go meet up with Zach, and we decided to stay because it was getting late. We wanted to stay closer to home. We talked and talked to Hyuksu. His English was way better than our Korean, but that is not saying much. Body language was the key to our communication. We ended up playing games and made plans to go out to dinner with him and the bartender. He actually lives just a few minutes away from us. We were like 15 minutes away from our home at the time, so it was pretty random in a big place like Seoul.

Well, true to his word, Hyuksu was in the lobby of our building at 4:00 with word that Duyoung (the bartender) was not going to be able to meet us. He took us (in his car) to our favorite place. The place that hosted Crazy Worker Party I and II. We ate great food.* Then he snatched up the bill, and simply refused our requests to pay for it or at least give him some money. We met up later at a western-style bar called Beatles.** We played more games, and relived the night we had the previous Thursday.

* The best part of the night was Hyuksu could hardly speak English at first. The obvious reason was he was sober. So, does drinking help when speaking a language? I think he needed booze to loosen up and not be afraid of making mistakes. Sure enough, he got better as the night progressed. This phenomenon reminds me of dancing, you may be a sloppy dancer while drinking but the inhibitions have been lowered and by God you're out there, in the middle of the floor, doing the Macarena with one hand on your hip and the other holding a beverage thinking to yourself, "I need a hat next to me, so I can get some money like those bums downtown. This show should come with a ticket price, it's that good! Yeah!!" So, at the end of the night Hyuksu was lecturing me on Korean history, American beef, melamine, and Kim Jung Il like he was a professor. His seminar didn't make much sense, but he's out there trying, speaking English like it was easy, holding a beverage in one hand waving the other madly, thinking to himself, "Man, I should charge these ignorant Americans money, this knowledge shouldn't be free, yeah I'm that good!
Liquid Courage...

This little tidbit was good too: he had an engagement to go to, and he was driving. While we were eating he refrained from drinking beer, but that didn't stop him from topping off his soju glass from time to time. Soju is of course stronger than beer, so you tell me if that makes sense. Koreans well, they're just different. They don't make sense a lot of times. He ended up taking the subway.

**Western-style bar just simply implies that it's a normal American bar. Korean HOFs (bars) require you to get food when you drink. This bar also has thousand and thousands of vinyl records. Comment some good song choices that I probably haven't heard in a while, please.

Side Note
Korean's don't throw away their waste from the bathroom, and by that I mean toilet paper. Gross, I know, but ask yourself, does it make sense? Anyways, I flush my paper. I don't know what kind of damage I'm doing to the sewage treatment center, but it can't be that bad. A toilet at work backed up on me and left me in quite a dilemma. I blame the toilet paper. First, came embarrassment, not this kind of embarrassment though. Next came the decision making process. Do I tell someone, do I try and find a plunger, do I flea the scene? Honestly, I just left the bathroom and prayed that a student would be blamed for my surprise. Nothing ever came of it though.

That's what is going on over on this side of the world, I went to a monastery last weekend. I'll post about it later on in the week. Check out the pictures down below.

Budha Pictures

2008-10-21T00:54:00.000-07:00

Here is last weekend given to you in a web album.

Europe Photos

2008-10-16T01:36:00.000-07:00

Here is a little album I put together. London, Ireland, and Spain photos are in here.

Pictures of the Festivity

2008-10-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

Tug of War to the right

Balloon Stomp above

Team Jump Rope

Group Photo (above) With a couple of people, you could throw it very far.

Zach is wearing the black shirt, and I'm wearing the striped blue shirt. (below)

Great action shot below.

Arts and Crafts Time

Our scenic mountain on the right

The games that is too hard to describe. We'll see if a picture is really worth a thousand words.

Statues and whathaveyou

I forgot my camera

2008-10-11T22:53:00.001-07:00

11:00 p.m. Friday Night Sushi house
Because of our predicament, an early morning event, my boss and I had a talk about the festivities of the night. She tried to give the foreign teacher crew a curfew, and we politely declined. Each side gave a compelling argument, but since we held the language advantage we were able to convince her otherwise. 2:00, which was the curfew, may sound late, but when you're getting off of work at 11:00 it's just three hours.

The night began with a tray of assorted raw fish appetizers, es-car-got, and other snail like creatures. I indulged in it all, not necessary because I like it or even might like it, but because I like eating weird stuff and telling people about it. The next plate was a plate full of sushi. Not normal sushi either. This is raw fish. Raw fish and an assortment of sauces. You can also wrap it in lettuce if your heart desires. There is no roll, no rice, no veggies, no California in the name, no avocados, just raw fish. It's really good too. They also delivered calamari at this point. Really big fried squid tentacles, and guess what, the Koreans did not like calamari, (it's too cheap compared to an expensive plate of raw fish) so I feasted.

There was soju and mackju and somack (a combination of the two) and Korean drinking games that I may or may not have participated in. There were chants and cheers. There were spitwads flying at mirrors, resembling a scene from Billy Madison much more so than an office party.

2:30 a.m. Noribong
We sang our hearts out as if we were in the finals of Korean Idol.

3:30 am Apartment
In the convenience store at the bottom of our building, we were busy preparing for the next day by aggressively detoxing the liver. This involves Morning Care, lots of water, and ice cream. Morning Care is a gross drink that Koreans swear will cure your hangover. It tastes like medicine and it costs $4.5o, which is expensive over here. Water is essential when trying to cleanse the body. The ice-cream, well it just sounded good at 3:30 in the morning. This trio of treats was sure to get me off to a good start at 8:30 in the morning. Right?

8:15 a.m Saturday Apartment

Well, a train apparently hit me in my sleep. My trio did nothing to prevent my present condition. Morning Care, just like every other hangover prevention medicine, is a load of dung. This is just what I've heard, I have no experience in this matter. I'll tell you what does work though: McDonald's. It just so happened that the bus was picking us up right in front of a McDonald's. And we ate. I love McDonald's for their breakfasts, and I have never scarfed down a hasbrown as fast as I did that morning. I have for the most part been deprived of great greasy treats, and my condition was less than stellar. After Mickey D's and a little cat nap, I felt good.

10:45: Somewhere on a Mountain

We finally arrived at what was basically a boy scouts camp. Hundreds of Korean cub scouts lined the paths of a pretty Korean hillside. We had a competition between the foreign teachers. Once again Zach was pitted against John, Meg, and myself. It was his academy versus ours. Games included the usual suspects like tug of war and a group jump rope competition. Then there were new games. One game was essentially volleyball with no rules, but a 20 pound ball the size of a full grown midget. Basically a huge ball that was filled with air. It was soft and big. There was no spiking of this ball, in fact, if you tried to hit it with just one hand it would hardly move. That proved to be an embarrassment for me on more than one occasion.

The first time I hit the ball as hard as I could. My arm moved further than the ball, just in the opposite direction, right into another guys face. With his nose bent and a fat lip, Brian hung in there and tried to help the team. We ended up losing this game for a multiple of reasons. Here is a list of excuses why we failed to win:

1) We had three children running around on our side of the court. These were the director's children, so we had to embrace 'em. Zach's team had zero kids.

2) The other side had more men on their side, although half of the team was gay. I am not joking or exaggerating either. Zach works with maybe five homosexual men. That is starting to look like less of an advantage as I sit here typing. Okay, scratch that.

2) My team was hung over. No, that doesn't work either. I'm sure they were hungover as well, this is Korea after all.

Okay they won. Why do I need multiple excuses in the first place? They didn't have any kids. That's it. That's why we lost.

We also lost Jump Rope, and a balloon stomping contest. The balloon contest is where everyone runs around kicking and stomping like madmen. The goal is to pop other peoples balloons, while protecting your own balloons. The balloons are attached below the knee and around the ankle. Everyone has two balloons. I never stomped anybodies balloon. I was horrible. We won tug of war, literally pulling Zach in our direction like a rag doll. We also won another contest, but it's too hard to explain.

To Be Continued

Busy Weekend

2008-10-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

I'm finishing up my final week of easy work before the grind begins all over again, but I have some good news. Tonight, we are having another work party. To remind you, here is what they entail.

So expect another boozy filled night of stories, lost in translation moments, and good food. This time we're going out for Sushi and Saki. Should be a blast. I have a camera now, so I'll take lots of pictures. I'm also going to take pics of the classroom and students. This should give you a better understanding of my environment.

On Saturday, every foreign teacher in the entire corporation (10+ schools) is getting the privilege to go on a field trip. The problem is the timing. We have a company party on Friday night, and those get crazy. It starts at 11:30 at night, who knows when it will end. Then we have to wake up by 8:30 a.m. to get to the bus by 9:30 am! Will we make it? I'll put the line at +110, to get some action.* I think this might be some type of cruel joke our big bosses are playing on us.

*Alright am I an addicted gambler? Here are the questions I must ask myself:
Do I have a gambling problem?
You may have a gambling problem if you:

Neglect work or family to gamble
Yes, I am guilty of this. I neglect both work and Meg quite often. I study sports while at work all the time, and then bet at work. That has to be a case of addiction.
Gamble in secret
I do it in the open, right at my office computer.
Lie about how much you gamble
No, I'm open about it. I read on a site that only 1 percent of sports gamblers win over the long run. I have also read how sports betting could be a worthwhile investment. How could only one percent of investors making money be considered a worthwhile investment?
Feel compelled to keep upping your bets
Not yet...
Feel remorse after gambling
Sure! Who likes to lose money? If you didn't feel a touch of remorse, then you don't value money.
Gamble until you’ve spent your last dollar
No. I put 100 dollars in 5 months ago, and I still am playing with that money.
Gamble with money you need to pay bills
Yes, my free rent and lack of automobile payments takes a beating.
Steal, borrow, or sell things to get money for gambling
Yes, I snatch money from Meg's purse everyday.
Dream of the "big win" and what it will buy

Everynight...
Okay, okay, I am not addicted. This stuff is all exaggerated. I would not let myself gamble at work. It's a funny joke, when I lose my original 100 dollars, because it will happen, I will quit.

I did send this message to Tyler though, who asked me about sports betting: "I would highly recommend sports gambling! It is fun, that being said, I think you know that there are some risks associated with it, you laugh now, but have you ever had the gambling hunger, I recommend starting with a small sum of money that you are not afraid to lose and just test the waters." Too bad there wasn't a question on persuading friends.

The field trip will consist of Korean bar-b-que, games, and pottery all taking place at a mountain an hour and a half away. Should be a lot of fun. Zach says he'll be there, his line is +145*. (Zach, in my estimation, has never been up at 8:30 a.m. in his time in Korea.) ((Still up from the night before does not count in this situation.)) Just kidding Big Guy.

*Does making lines on whether someone "no shows" help or hurt my case of addiction?

I'll be back with pictures and stories on Monday.

What else will they think of

2008-10-09T02:35:00.000-07:00

Google Goggles: Saving one relationship, job, and frienship at a time.

Interview with Meg part II

2008-10-08T03:45:00.000-07:00

1) How is the hiking in Korea?
I absolutely love hiking in Korea. Keep in mind that I have only gone twice, but each time was equally rewarding. Even though there are so many people hiking the same mountain, you have plenty of opportunities to escape and venture off on your own little path. I actually enjoy seeing all of the people. It is such a scenic and cultural experience.

2) What do you think of the Korean hiking outfits?
Wow! They really take their hiking to a whole different level. I was so overwhelmed and felt a little out of place in my jeans and tennis shoes. You have plenty of opportunities to purchase your hiking gear on the way up to the entrance of the mountain. Koreans get fully decked out in hiking boots, hiking pants, shirts, vests (the vest is an essential accessory if you want to be cool), backpacks, hiking canes (two if you are really a pro), gloves, water bottles, blankets, and of course, the makoli (Korean rice wine).

My first impression was that they are being a little bit ridiculous with all of their gear. Deep down inside, I was definitely feeling a bit jealous. I really wanted one of those canes or walking sticks. As I stated earlier, some hikers were sporting two canes. OK, now that is just being selfish!

Next time I hike, I will have to take a picture of some of the hiking gear kiosks. I think the true hikers are addicted to this gear. The hikers who are already decked out are swarming the stands while the kiosk owners start shouting out their limited time offers. It truly is something you have to see with your own eyes.
If you are wondering, yes, I did show up a little more prepared on my second hiking adventure. I went out and purchased an official hiking shirt. I also got some pretty nice track pants as well. Needless to say, I still felt pretty left out that I didn’t have a vest or a hiking cane. I don’t think I will ever purchase anything else hiking related, but I thoroughly enjoy and respect the people who do. Besides, I am way cooler than anybody in my hot pink hiking shirt.

3) How about Makoli?

As I briefly explained, makoli is a traditional Korean rice wine. It is tradition to take a bottle (maybe more than one, I have no idea) up the mountain with you when you hike. I was pretty baffled by the idea of hiking and wine. Honestly, how could I have been so surprised that they cannot even go hiking without a little booze in them??

Personally, I was not too impressed with the taste of makoli. I do not even think I can accurately describe it. I have never tasted anything like it before. It has a bit of a bitter taste, but is definitely easy to get down. I would not be able to drink much of it simply because I just do not care for it. Regardless, I could not have been happier being on top of that boulder, enjoying nature, and sharing a few drinks with Chris.

4) I found it funny that there are so many paved hiking trails, what did you think about the concrete paths?

I think the paths are great. I cannot say I gave them much use because I was enjoying the “off trail” hiking. I noticed that a great majority of hikers are a bit older. For them, the paved paths are essential. It is a great way for those who can no longer frolic around creeks and boulders to still enjoy what the mountain has to offer. I also used the paved paths as a guide to get back to the bottom of the mountain, so I feel they were pretty useful.

5) What is your favorite part?

I think you asked me this question because you know I have a weakness. I can never pick just one favorite thing about an experience!!

The entire day is quite eventful. Your journey begins the moment you leave the subway station. People are selling a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables immediately outside of the station. You are surrounded by hikers and literally have no other option but to go with the flow. Everyone begins their journey up to the mountain entrance, which is a good 25 minute walk from the subway. On the way up, you pass by hundreds of tiny kiosks, all really selling the same exact thing. If you forgot your hiking gear, you will easily find all you need from these street vendors and shops. If you like fish, you are in luck. Every other stand is cooking fresh fish over an open flame. Plenty of tasty treats are available for those who do not care for fish, but fish is definitely the most common.

Once you finally make your way through the hustle and bustle, the journey up the mountain begins. Hikers can pick from two different routes to take. From these two routes, you can find yourself endless paths and trails to take. I love the different scenes you stumble across on your way. For starters, you can expect to randomly stumble upon a rest area/fitness area. Here, you will find people resting to grab a bite to eat, drink some makoli, lift weights, or hula hoop. Yes, I said hula hoop. I also enjoy passing by people picnicking and drinking makoli. Everyone seems so at peace and completely at ease.

The sound of loud steps and chatty voices is a great way to know it is time to head back. Also, a Korean saying “Down” to you is a pretty good sign as well…People begin their descent back down the mountain around 5:30 or so. I am not sure if it is a rule to leave at a certain time, but everyone seems to head back together. I am always sad to head back, but I know my day is not yet complete.

On the way back through the hustle and bustle, you will find all of the hikers enjoying a victory meal along with their soju. Chris and I skip the soju, but we do enjoy our own victory meal. We each get a sausage and a beer. The last time we went hiking, we really did not want a beer. Honestly, all we said was “sausage doogay joosayo”, which literally means “sausage two please bring me.” No one mentioned anything about beer, yet the lady gave Chris and I each a tall, frosty mug filled to the brim with beer. Needless to say, we couldn’t turn it down. Beer or no beer, I love our victory meal. It is great to see everyone laughing, eating, drinking, and feeling accomplished. To sum it up, I love love love hiking in Korea!

*Editor's Note- Here are some ideas for unofficial Korean slogans-
1) "Korea, where every meal comes with alochol, even if you don't want it."
2) "We drink more than the Irish"
I could go on.... but I'll spare you some lame jokes.
Thank You Meg

Hiking

2008-10-08T01:14:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm trying to learn how to have a slide show so everything will be so nice and tidy, but I can't figure it out. For right now, I'll just have to post a lot of pictures like this.

Journal Edition

I live under constant shade. Not the shade from a weeping willow or a tall oak tree, but shade from multi story buildings. Nature is non-existent in such a large city. There are trees on the side of the road, a couple of months ago I heard some locusts, and now there are small mosquitoes, but that is about it. This concrete jungle inspired us to go hiking. We have now gone twice, and it's safe to assume that it is one our favorite things to do.

We take the subway north for about an hour to get there, practically spitting distance from the dark side, North Korea.* From there we walk about 25 minutes in crowded pathways toward the mountain. The hiking trails, just like the beaches of Korea, are extremely crowded. People everywhere! This defiantly takes away the enjoyment of the great outdoors. Solitude, beauty, nature aren't in the same category as over dressed Koreans. Oh, how other cultures can

be so alien at times. Korean hikers get geared up for hiking like they are about to embark on climbing Everest. That's fine, but when it is 70 degrees outside, and your hiking on a paved path at a very manageable grade it just seems a bit excessive. Put away your damn walking stick! They are all walking advertisements for North Face and Columbia.

*On a serious note, my associate director just informed me that China has been claiming more of the historic Baekdu mountain through various means. She thinks that North Korea might be getting paid to let some of it happen. This makes sense since North Korea is so poor. The government could use that money to feed it's population or buy more plutonium instead. Whatever.

This is somber news, because South Korea has no control over that mountain which lies on the boarder of China and North Korea. It is a prized Korean possession, and the largest mountain on the Korean peninsula. The mountain is seeped in Korean history.

Being the rebel that I am, Meg and I hopped off on every side path we could fine, most of the time we blatantly ignored the koala bear sign with his hands held up in a stop position. Hiking is getting dirty, which is hard to do when traversing pavement. We ended up having a great time hiking along rocks, creeks, and even some trees! It was so memorable. I have always thought that the best time of any of my trips have been the nature excursions, and Korea has not been an exception. I loved it!

It also inspired this short semi autobiographical story, that I'll finish maybe tomorrow, maybe never.

Won Update

2008-10-07T00:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone cares about this kind of stuff, but I really find it interesting. Check out the won free fall. It's amazing, I might be stuck over here due to the fact the won is worth zilch.

The Beer

2008-10-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying, I never have drank a beer that I haven't liked. Oh sure, I might say Stag is awful, or Coors light tastes like water, or PBR stands for Probably Bull uRine, but I like them. If I was stranded on an island and I had to choose between those beers and no beers, I would choose those beers. And yes, that collection would have me salivating like Pavlov's dog, or a parched hick at the Indy 500.

Korean beer is worse than those beers. It's more water like than any of those beers. Europeans and other beer enthusiasts (snobs) often say that the vast majority of American beer is water. (I may or may not agree, but that is neither here or there) They need to come to Korea, because this beer is WATER! These beers are light and airy. That being said, you would think that I would just stick to mixed drinks or import beers. If you thought that you would be WRONG!* Korean beer is cheap, and I follow The Simple Economic Rule to a T: If the price is low, then the demand is high, and if the price is high, well I'll stay the hell away.
The price of import is high, while the price of Korean alcohol is low. Soju, (remember 20% ALC, tastes like watered down vodka, and costs one dollar for a pint of it) Korean beer (one dollar), and Korean wine (one dollar) are very cheap. Those are all convenient store prices in case you were wondering.

*There are many business ideas that come into my head over here. The best one yet might be a Small brewery/pub/restaurant idea. I love these joints. It would be similar to a Flat Branch/Freestate/75th street brewery place.** Here is why it would work:

** I have never used that many slashes in my life...combined...including 3rd grade when the math curriculum centered around division.

1) The amount of foreign teachers coming to Korea to teach English is increasing.
2) Koreans love the majority of things associated with America and the western world.
3) Half of the Korean population could be considered alcoholics.
4) The lack of quality beer in Korea
5) I came up with it, how could it not succeed?

Idea number 2- Transplant El Rancho right in the heart of Seoul. El Rancho is fabulous, greasy, sloppy, Mexican food. It dominates the late night food options of Columbia Missouri. It is authentic Tex/Mex. (that probably gets a hyphen, but I'm on a roll with the slash) All the employees are from across the boarder, and they may or may not have green cards, but they can roll a burrito the size of your head in a matter of seconds.
Why it would work:

1) There is a real lack of quality Mexican food in Korea. Any Korean attempts at Mexican food are poor. They have a franchise Mexican chain that is pretty good, serving small portions of over-priced food. Really, pretty good in the sense that it is Mexican food in Korea. Beggars can not be choosers.
2) They don't have Taco Bell
3) If you get the Mexican Crew to sign up for this transplant experiment, you would get one of the world's highest quality workforce (at least North America's right?) to sell many big burritos. Why this would work: it's not like the majority of the workers at El Rancho can speak or read English anyway, so I imagine they could be equally adept fumbling around with the Korean language. There's no difference!
4) Same as the above number 5

What was I talking about again? Oh right, Mackju. Korean beer is called Mackju. It's cheap but not that good, but it beats paying 8 dollars for a Guinness. Budweiser is pretty prevalent in Korea, but I try and stay away. I don't like large, looming conglomerates and InBev OWNS the worldwide beer market, including Korea's water beer. There is only one large beer company in Korea that is not owned by InBev, and that's my beer of choice.

InBev, a Belgium company, bought Budweiser a couple of months ago. As John put it, "I thought Budweiser would buy Belgium." I try and refrain from buying InBev products because, hell that is what a consumer is supposed to do when having an objection with a company. I know it won't matter to InBev, who bought an icon of America, an icon of my state. So my beer of choice is HITE, Korean beer water not associated with the global machine InBev. As of writing this blog InBev does not own HITE, that could of changed in the minutes I've spent writing this.

I'm getting back to Writting

2008-10-01T23:36:00.001-07:00

I'm ending my hiatus from writing real posts. I'm back in the saddle. Okay, to fill you in on the last couple of weeks is simple. I spend most of my time searching the Internet. Half of my time is spent on sports websites*, and the other half is spent reading the news. The news was so depressing, all I wanted to write about was how the world is going to kill itself, how the dollar will collapse, how Sarah Palin** looks more like an "American pageant contestant" than a Vice President Candidate or more like the "VP of the school board" than the VP of the United States. Basically, I was reading a lot of doom and gloom for our country, which is very depressing.

*About five months ago, I put 100 dollars into a sports betting account. I dubbed this "entertainment" the first sign of an addiction. In five months, I have built the 100 dollar "entertainment into $325. I'm not great at it, but I'm pretty consistent. I can see why gambling can be dangerous, especially when you're winning. Secondly, anything that has a sub language is dangerous. Drugs, for example, have a language all to themselves. Here is some of the slang in the drug world. Sports betting is no different, complete with words upon words that a layman would not understand. I know this is an addictive endeavor, because the language is a dead give away. I'll monitor my status for a week to see if I'm addicted to gambling or not, based on the signs of this website.

** Sarah Palin is great, if just for the fact that Tina Fey can spoof her. What an uncanny resemblance. I can't tell a difference!

Then the house vetoed the 700 billion dollar Bailout plan, and I regained some hope. With that little silver of hope, I have decided to spilt my time between sports websites, and watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia via the website surfthechannel.com. (which illegally allows you to access thousands of TV shows) Apparently, all I needed was a little Charley Day in my life, because I got the bug to write again. No more doom and gloom!

North Korea has started up their nuclear program once again, after disabling for relief. They want to be taken off the Axis of Evil list or the Terror Whathaveyou List, but Washington wants to see more progress first. Whatever, I am not a diplomat, I don't care. Just realize I am less than 100 miles from an arsenal of weapons that could turn Seoul into a lake of fire. I have never been more scared in my life (maybe a slight hyperbole) than when I saw fighter jet after fighter jet fly by heading north. It felt like I was out a scene from Independence Day. I was sure Will Smith was up there winking at me from his cockpit, telling me everything would be alright.

This was just a Lazy Sunday mind you, just a pleasant weekend afternoon, yet I knew Armageddon was upon us. Why would ten to fifteen US fighter jets be heading north? What part of Seoul is burning to the ground? Every Korean was looking up to the sky as well, which did not help relieve any of the tension in my mind. I was a deer in headlights wondering what to do.

"What should we do Meg? Should we take the subway South, maybe down there we can avoid all the potential nuclear fallout. Do subways make good bomb shelters? I know the London subway protected the Queen during World War II. Hey, if it's good enough for royalty it's good enough for us. We'll need some sort of a shank, we'll probably have to resort to cannibalism down there. I expect everyone to head underground. Don't worry, you'll be safe. If the bombs turn everyone into Zombies... well, we'll cross that bridge when it comes. " Those were the frantic thoughts spewing forth from my mind. You think crazy now, but have you ever been that close to imminent death?

My thoughts were calmed mere minutes later when Meg remembered that there was an Air Show at one of the military bases in Seoul. A calming sensation ran through my body, yet it was tainted with fear because this situation could happen at any moment. Aw, living a life in fear is never the way to live, I say that as I look at the homemade shank on my desk. Better safe than sorry!

Man, writing is your mood put on paper or in this case blog. After watching three back-to-back episodes of my new favorite sitcom ever, I feel as crazy as Charley. Most of what I said is all joking of course, but how would you like to live under the world's fifth largest standing army and this guy:

The Address

2008-09-29T00:32:00.000-07:00

I know October is around the corner and that means football, brisk winds, leaves changing colors, Halloween, and my Birthday! So in case anybody wants to send me anything here is my address:

Olympiad/OLA
Seoul South Korea 130-838
Dongdaemun Jangan4dong 295-5 6FL

Of course you don't have to send anything for my birthday, but there it is if you want to.

The streets of Seoul

2008-09-26T00:34:00.000-07:00

Here you go, this just proves that streets of Seoul are littered with these damn mopeds! Read this article.

I guess I am a liar

2008-09-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

I am sufferring from writer's block. I have too much time on my hands. I am bored out of my mind. I have started writing about like three different topics before throwing them away. I need help. E-mail me any questions you might have, or any experiences you might want me to talk about.

I've got a lot of time

2008-09-18T23:15:00.001-07:00

This is going to be my forum for the next couple of weeks. The topics will have no particular order just like my writing style. I have a lot of free time on my, hands because I don't have to teach a class for the next two weeks. My students are preparing for a standardized test to gain admittance into high schools. This is similar to our process of getting into college, so the better score a student gets equals a better school. These are very important tests. I have been given "busy work" tasks of coming up with names for grade levels (this takes 30 minutes) and writing a couple of books over reading comprehension. This sounds challenging, but it is really simple. I have a format to follow, and I don't have to write the passages, just questions over the passages. Expect numerous posts over the next couple of weeks.

Here is a great quote I found today while perusing the Internet:

Those who understand interest, collect it; those who don't, pay it. - Albert Einstein

Some of the people I have met over here came to Korean in an attempt to pay off credit card debt. Meg and I both have some school loans to pay off, but I can not imagine how twenty year old somethings amass so much credit card debt.

Maybe it is the "monkey see, monkey do" effect, because the previous generations are bogged down with credit card debt. A house, three cars, a house at the Ozarks, a boat, and everything else under the sun is the kind of actions adults take, including many of our parents, which isn't the best role model for younger generations to follow. It seems like our government is a great example! Maybe it is the relative lack of education we received on the subject. It seems like the average American is clueless. I mean, I don't understand deleveraging and swaps and ratio leverages and derivatives and the majority of financial lingo tossed around during the past couple weeks, but I know that if I spend more than I make, then I'm in the red. With that in mind, many of these twenty year olds would not have any debt if they just curbed their spending habits.

I'm not an expert, and I have yet to live in a challenging situation where I might be forced to take on debt. Take this with a grain of salt from a novice who is just trying to pass some time, but the root of America's financial problems can be traced back to people living beyond their means.

Here is a Ron Paul video dealing with America's recent financial woes. My friend Derek brought this to my attention via Facebook.

Density, Sidewaks, and the Perils of Both

2008-09-17T03:50:00.000-07:00

The modern world in Asia is as dense with people as my mom’s former garden with weeds. The buildings are tall advertisements for Korean conglomerate companies, with their logos stamped on all corners reading Hyundai, Lotte, Samsung, and LG among others, begging the numerous consumers on the city streets to remember their favorite company. The cookie cutter skyscrapers house over 20 million people. About 60 years ago, the city I’m living in was mere rumble. How does a city rise from the ashes to become the world’s second largest city and the most “wired” city in the world? Industrialization has to be the only answer; Korea is China’s case study on growth and the consequences of such rapid growth.

Amongst the thick air, the fast culture, and a country fighting with problems of reunification and dependence to the United States lies a 22 year old who is mad. YES, I’m angry. The time is now, where I stand up and let my RAGE out. In the states, there is an epidemic called road rage. Everyone of course is familiar with this; a feeling washes over the driver like someone pointing out XYZ, warm blood travels throughout the body as mounting frustration follows closely behind. The driver is not in control during rush hour, and this leads to acts of fruitless hostility towards others on the crazy road of modernity. Slow drivers in fast lanes, fast drivers in slow lanes, and the normal drivers caught in the middle trying to navigate the chasm between the polar extremes.

I don’t have a vehicle in Korea, and I love it. Just as my pet peeves with traffic lights has been replaced by waiting for elevators, so too has road rage. In Korea, I have dubbed an epidemic, which I call “Sidewalk Rage” Seoul is a fast paced environment, much like every other big city in the world. Lost in all this hustle and bustle is me. I wake up at 2:00 in the afternoon every day, and I don’t go to sleep until like 4:00 at night, give or take two hours. College was not the real world, and this certainly is not either. I’m never in a hurry, and this is a direct conflict with the swift Koreans.

Here is a common example: Meg and I will be walking down the road and an on comer will be walking toward us heading the opposite way. The sidewalks are fairly large, and there is ample room for the misguided pedestrian to easily avoid us, yet to my continuing surprise they come at us like a heat seeking missile after an M-I-G. We are doing are part by picking a side and moving towards it by an easy three feet. Still here is a Korean heading over towards us! What are you doing, are you trying to send a message? I just don’t get it.

Then there are the slow walkers busy watching TV on their cell phones, texting their crushes, or innocently day dreaming about what food they want to eat with their kimchi tonight. I’m a slow walker sure, but these walkers are S-L-O-W walkers. Getting around the slow walkers can be tricky with all the fast walkers swirling around.

Slow walkers and fast walkers are difficult to manage, but it pales in comparison to the traffic. Yes, there is traffic on the sidewalks of Seoul. Parking lots must be hard to come by, so if a driver needs to get to the bank, then that driver will just park on the sidewalk near the bank. It’s maddening. These drivers will cut you off on the SIDEWALK! My friend Doug was almost hit a couple of weeks ago. And the damn mopeds!!! Oh, man the mopeds piss me off! They are ziggin and a zagging through the people like professional slalom skiers. These moped drivers are usually delivery men of pizzas and other foods. They drive on the roads, and if a red light comes up they just hoop on the sidewalk like it’s I-435. I’m not normally a violent man, but I want to drop an elbow on these drivers on a consistent basis. I had a dream where I was the frog in “Frogger.” Instead of a street, I was trying to get from point A to point B on the sidewalk. You already know my obstacles, and I couldn't even get past level 1. So in this age of speed, remember to SLOW DOWN, besides you’ll live longer.

Links and other Randomness

2008-09-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

Al Davis: The Most Frightening Man in Professional Sports

Whenever you have a bad day at the office, think to yourself, "It could be worse, I could be working for this man."

Al Davis is nuts. Lane Kiffin's reaction is priceless, just laugh it off, Lane. He looks like a cross between a very old pirate and a very old snapping turtle. Or just really old ________.

Here is a clip from a Korean TV show. I know my reaction would be the same or worse.

Here are some more Asian pranks. The emu is classic, because every man has had that sensation wash over them that someone is directly behind them starring at the goods. What a scary sight that an emu would make. Here is another one. I like the last reaction the best. Finally, here is one of the classic pranks from America.

Have any women ever thought to themselves, "I just wish I could pee standing up." I know if I was a woman, I would experience a little envy going into a disgusting Johnny on the Spot while tailgating for an MU football game, of course while anticipating another dominating victory. Well, those crazy Japanese have caught on to this market and are selling a peeing video game.

The user gets to feel the pleasure of standing while going to the bathroom, while wearing a strap on appendage equipped with a phallic like controller. The future is coming way to fast and I know this because the Japanese are selling virtual reality peeing games!

Bush praises South Korea, rebukes NorthStory Highlights

2008-09-14T02:20:00.000-07:00

Just click the title. I have seen North Korea in the news lately, most stories are related to Kim Jong Il's health. The part of this story I like the most is that North Korea has 11,000 thousand rockets aimed at the Korean capital. There's nothing like looking down the barrel of a gun, happened to be held by a 5 foot maniac owning a scary track record. Pretty scary!

The John Roe Experiment

2008-09-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

Meg and I probably spend the majority of our free time with this man right here. He plays a large part in our life over here in Korea, so I figured why not get him to speak a few words. Except for some exaggerations in the first paragraph, I think he did a wonderful job, if you can trust a guy that wears bug antennas, here it is:

A month ago Chris begs me to read his self proclaimed brilliant blog. With a fake smile, I said sure why not. Like a nagging little kid on a long car ride asking, "Are we there yet?" every five minutes, Chris asked me everyday if I had read his blog. Finally after a week, I called Zach up and asked him to give me a briefing of it, so I could pretend like I'd read it when Chris asked about it. Thinking this was sufficient enough action on my part in quenching Chris's thirst for my attention of his blog, I was dumbfounded when he asked me to provide a guest post. With a fake smile, I said sure why not (I'm like Zach at the bakery, I can't say "no"). Now I'm paying one of my fifth grade students $5 to write it for me.

In all honesty (which is overated), I have read the blog. Chris Ernest HemingDumay has done a fine job with a few exceptions. One being that he misspelled the name of my town. It's ATCHISON!! Nevertheless, I thank him for him allowing me a blog slot.

I'm not much of a blogger. Right now it's hard for me to grasp the context of my audience considering it consists of many of whom I have not met. I realized most of you probably know Zach, thus I decided to use my introduction to take a cheap shot at the "Big Guy". That was easy. The hard part is figuring out what story or topic to address first. Chris often goes off on tangents in his blog. I'll probably follow his precedent. Chris talked to me about 30 min. ago via facebook asking me if I had started writing my blog. Right now it's 4:30 am and I'm at a PC bong (computer lab that you pay $1 per hour to use). I stay up late and wake up right before work which starts at 3:00 pm for me. If I'm not out with Zach or Chris and Meghan, I often go to the PC bong because I'm computerless. I was just thinking that last night at this exact same time Chris, Meghan, Doug, and I were riding home in a taxi cab after a night of liquid refreshments arguing about which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was the best (in Doug's defense I believe he was passed out at this point, understandably so considering 10 min. prior he was dancing shirtless on a table in the fine Korean drinking establishment we were at). My guess is most would presumably attribute this juvenile squabble over cartoon turtles to our intoxication levels. Unfortunately, the truth lies elsewhere as evident by the fact of my conversation over the same topic with Chris earlier today. Despite both of us having accessed the condition of sobriety, we digressed right back to our night before in defending our rankings of the best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (Wow, a beautiful girl just walked in at 4:45 in the morning wearing a stunning dress. This only happens in Korea.) After describing all this nonsensical ninja turtle talk and seeing my future girlfriend having a seat three computers down, I think I will put my headphones on and You Tube some George Strait to set the mood. I think the song "The Chair" http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=BhZBBM8dimQ&NR=1 is suitable for the moment.

Chris and Meghan have become great friends of mine. We have had a great amount of fun embarking on our new journey. I feel bad that Zach lives further away from us. Zach has plenty of friends in his area, but he admits their not as cool as us and wishes he was closer. We do get to see the "Big Guy" a few times a week. We all owe him a "thank you" for convincing us to take a chance on this adventure. One of the first things Chris says to me when he came to Korea was, "What the hell has Zach got Meghan and I into?" I told him that was my initial thought as well, but assured him that he would probably be pleasantly surprised. Kansas and Korea has more separating it than just 10,000 km, but it's the similarities that have made me feel at home. Almost every time I tell a Korean I'm from the USA, I notice a twinkle in his eye. He sincerely repeats, "USA very good". It's amazing how much they've assimilated to our western culture from their knowledge of our baseball teams to their love of our music. My fourth graders knew of Nat King Cole. American fourth graders don't even know of Nat King Cole (one of my favorites by the way, I think he's next on my You Tube playlist). When I go to a bar, it's more likely to be playing American music than Korean. I was at McDonalds the other day and it was playing an Eminem song (an unedited version I might add). That's a testimate to the greatness of our country. We can come over here with just a college degree and make more than a teacher back home (considering their paying for our apartment). I have to be at the school 35 hours a week, but I'm only in the classroom 14 of those hours. I may spend roughly 2 hours a week on grading and prep work and the rest of my time is spent on the internet. In other words, my job is a piece of cake. Why? Because I can speak English. That's how valuable our language is to them and this pattern is emerging all over the world. We are the most powerful country. By learning our language and culture, it gives them potential access to that power. That's why they are willing to cough up so much dough for it. Anyways, Zach has tapped into this. Chris, Meghan, and I have followed suit. Now we're all reaping the benifits.

For the record, Michelangelo is by far the best TNMT, based on his party personality and his above average video game attributes. Donatello and Leonardo are very close; Raphael isn't even in the same category. My name was thrown amongst the wall and slammed down on the dirty Korean pavement a few times, but I proably deserve it. You should of let your students write the next blog, it it will be better, just kidding. Thank You!

The Greenback

2008-09-11T03:46:00.000-07:00

http://www.forecasts.org/won.htm

As an expate, with future aspirations of coming back to America, a lot of my salary is tied to currencies. The South Korean Won is at a four year low compared to the dollar. The dollar has been rallying like Pete Sampras in his prime on a whole bunch of countries lately. When I was coming over here, the dollar was in an awful way, and now it seems to be strengthening.

The dollar has been a thorn in my side throughout my world travels. In Dublin, a pint of Guinness averages about 4.50 euros, so it cost me damn near seven dollars. That will curb your desire for a tasty beverage real fast! Ireland cost me so much money because the dollar was so weak compared to the Euro. I am not even going to talk about how much money our weak currency cost me in England. I will say this, "just Double it" came up often in speech, every price in England has to be doubled for the dollar to equal the pound.

Now when I am making wons, I don't need to see the dollar coming on strong. Money I send home will vary based on the currencies strength. A weak dollar is good for me. A strong won is good, and the combination of the two would be ideal. That forecast shows (I doubt it's very accurate, by the way) a rise in the dollar, which will cut into my pocketbook. I am happy for all you back home.

To the Dollar, my nemesis!