The Second Commercial

Remember my last commercial? It was more or less an awkward train wreck. I was testifying on behalf of a product that I never used. The director exclusively spoke Korean. And I was paid in a free health examination that I've never used. It was a pretty horrible experience.

So when Meg got a call on Tuesday night from a friend about a possible upcoming commercial, she asked me if I was interested. Without hesitation I answered, "Absolutely." I'll give it a second chance. When Meg told me that we were going to be paid 200 dollars in cash, well, that sealed the deal for sure. Meg and I had to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to make it to the infamous casino. Waking up at 6 is not my cup of tea, and once again I failed to get McDonald's due to time constraints. We arrived at the casino at 8:00 o'clock in the morning after an hour spent in the subway. The casino happens to be the place where I lost 200 dollars, (I blame the White Russians) so I figure they owe me this anyway. There was no dialogue in this part as an added bonus.

Acting is very awkward. That's the only way to describe it. It's unnatural to be pretending in front of people. I remember the children who pretended in front of others growing up were the ones that got made fun of. I still have emotional scars. I also have a theory on cameras: People either love them or hate them, and I hate them. There is one video (that I know of) of me on the internets*. As you can see, I'm in a crouched position hiding from the camera. I literally hate the damn things.**



*I think one of my roommates specifically typed my whole name. I have no idea why. Perhaps one of you could enlighten me.

**The other hit on my name is this darling quote I gave, "Warnken Properties made my first renting experience a breeze." The first renting experience I had was with Warnken properties. I gave them that quote hoping to receive my entire security deposit back. Of course, they still robbed me of 75 dollars. I gave them that great quote despite the fact that I HATED that company. They would charge us 25 dollars every week too if we didn't take out our trash. Even if our can was empty, we still had to take it to the dumpster. Because we were irresponsible college students, we got charged a lot. 25 dollars split four ways isn't a lot, but it adds up. Even worse, I once got a call from the Fire Marshall telling me that I need to come down to her office for an interview. I'm 20 years old. I'm in over my head the minute I answer that call. My crazy landlord thought someone from my apartment tried to burn down the entire building. She was trying to charge me and my roommates with arson. They eventually found out who did burn the building. It wasn't us, and it was an accident. She was awful. She was a fascist. And now I'm reminded every time I google myself that I sold my soul to that devil with the mere hopes of receiving my entire deposit back.

There was a cast of 6 foreigners hired. We were paired into couples. I was paired with a different woman. Yes that's right, I was in the process of cheating on Meg, but it's okay since we 're "acting." The first shot involved food. I was eating bibimbop, or I guess I had bibimbop in front of me. My "girlfriend" and I were supposed to chit chat and look very excited. They love enthusiasm. So the more ridiculous we got, the more they loved it. The production values on this commercial were amazing. They had extensive lighting equipment, a moving crane that could move the camera in any direction, and makeup artists that would touch up the three women every 15 minutes or so. Meg had a scene where she had to eat sushi. Meg HATES sushi. Not only does she have to eat sushi, but she has to ACT like she loves it. I got such a big kick out of watching her choke down raw fish and attempt to be overly enthusiastic about it.

This scene was followed by a slot machine scene. Complete with high fives, wide smiles, and a fist pump that would make Tiger Woods proud. And finally we did a roulette scene. It was a long morning that rewarded us with a quesadilla breakfast and 200 dollars. It was well worth the awkwardness of acting. And from now on you'll never hear me make another Tom Cruise joke again.