Crazy Work Parties

What happens when a movie is a box office smash hit? You follow it up with a sequel. That is exactly what happen with Olympiad.* The first party was a celebration of the foreign work force finally arriving. While we were patiently waiting to arrive in Korea for over a month, Olympiad was waiting on us as well. The domestic staff had to take on more responsibility in our absence. They were teaching our classes! Needless to say they were excited for our arrival. I won't kid myself either, they were more excited to work less.

*Olympiad is the company I work for. They are a private education institution specializing in mathematics (very good at science too). They hope to leverage their solid reputation in math, and apply it to English. I am in a brand new building. The first seven floors are Olympiads, not exactly a lightweight. The building is great, but the rooms are claustrophobic. You could not fit more than twenty kids per room, and that would be pushing it. 15 by 10 foot prison cells. The tools of the trade are: a dry erase board, a marker, a pen, and books to base my lectures on. That's it. There is a common room that you share with all the other teachers. I have a desk and a computer. During my "plan sessions" you can often find me checking out Royals commentary, reading the KC star, perusing Facebook, or other productive activities like posting blogs. So, everybody can take a couple minutes to read this during work, because hell, I am writing the damn thing at work. If it takes ten minutes to read, it probably takes at least 45 minutes to write, and I write what ever comes into my head, one digression right after the other.


What ensued was a grand ol' celebration of epic portions. The vice president was in rare form. I have never seen upper level management partake in the festivities as much as my boss. She set the attitude of the night by pouring shot after shot of soju. The boss lady is around 33 and wants to be our friend so bad. The phrase "when in Rome" comes to mind on this night, just modified to "when in Korea do as a Korean does". I was not going to disappoint my boss in the first week by rejecting her soju offers! The venue was a pork house. Every table is armed with a grill and a call button. There is a nice patio and a seating capacity of about 100. My group consisted of 25 lined up in a row of 6 tables.



The call button was used sparingly at first, but towards the end of the night it was my best friend. I got a little button happy if you will, and the Koreans encouraged it. First it was drinks. "Would you like Coke to chase your Soju* "Try the plum wine." (it's excellent) "Here try cider." Cider is basically sprite, and I thought there was alcohol in it. Luckily I was duped; it is just a type of soda. Of course the call button was used to replenish our beer and soju reserves, as well as the food being served to us on the grill.



*I am not a huge soda drinker, and I tried to cut it out of my diet completely due to the obscene amount of high fructose corn syrup present in the serving size of coke. The coke in Korea does not use HFCS. They use sugar. Yeah, probably lots of it, but for the first time I can say that my throat did not hurt when taking a big gulp of refreshing coke. You could chug the delicious beverage. It was so much better!



The food was amazing. The grill is at a 10% grade. On the lower side is an overflowing pile of kimchi. Working up the grill you have the pig meat. I don't know what cut of the pig it is, all I know is that its fatty and meaty and delicious. And greasy. The grease then runs down into the kimchi. I am getting kind of sick of kimchi, after all, it is served with every meal, including breakfast. But greasy hot kimchi is a treat. I am getting incredibly hungry writing this. I think I'm salivating (maybe even drooling). Also included are vegetables and pineapples. The vegetables include normal mushrooms, long stringy mushrooms, onions, and pumpkin.* I like to put them below the pig fat (meat) too. Obesity might not be a problem over here, but corroded arteries are. And Fan Death. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death**. Keep in mind, there aren't any plates. You have the option of wrapping the food up in a piece of lettuce making a lettuce wrap, or you can dip the food in a variety of sauces. There is one I am told that is the Korean ketchup, a tangy A1 type sauce, a couple different powders, and a red chili sauce. All conveniently placed right in front of you.


*Jamaicans cook with pumpkin a lot as well. I always thought you just carved them, and made a pie with them once a year. Turns out it is a scrumptious veggie.


** I tried to make that link work, but I don't know if it works. Everything is in Korean on the computer, I feel like I am part of an older generation trying to navigate computers. I can relate to the readers that just learned how to turn off a computer, or who still have not quite learned how to post a comment. Which by the way, I tried to make it more user friendly. You don't have to have a Google account anymore. Google makes the default settings so only Google users are able to post a reply, so they can get you to sign up if you don't have an account. That is one of the many small reasons that Google stock is at 500 dollars.

The best part of eating is the group experience. Everyone is essentially eating off the same plate. After the third helping of the main dish, native Koreans started ordering other popular dishes. I literally ate like a king. "Yes I like the noodle dish, liquid yogurt is alright, will you please pass the rice." "Beer, Chris?" "When in Korea, Sophie*" These were my normal responses. We were there for for an eternity, to be honest, I could of stayed even longer. I never spent a dime either. Company tabs are in my top five coolest things list, making the list easy too.

*The Koreans have English names because they are English teachers. I can't say their real names, so I call them by their English names. I was introduced that way as well.

Then it was off to a noribong. The direct translation is singing room. It is Karaoke with a small group of people. The Koreans would sing a Korean song, and then the foreigners would bust out Sweet Caroline. They would sing a song, we would counter with Piano Man. It was so great! Meg won the grand prize of the night by singing We Didn't start the Fire*. She nailed it! It has a fast paced beat with obscure words. Steve, a fellow worker, said, "I would marry you based on that performance alone." John Roe had a microphone in hand, but to his credit knew that a genius was at work and only chimed in during the chorus. At the end of the song, I said, "You guys were awesome and by you guys I mean Meghan."

Here is the first part of the song.

49 Harry Truman, Doris Day, red china, Johnnie Ray

South pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

50 Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television

North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

51 Rosenberg's, h-bomb, sugar ray, panmunjomBrando, the king and I and the catcher in the rye

52 Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

Chorus: We didn't start the fire, It was always burning,

Since the worlds been turning, We didn't start the fire,No we didn't light it,

But we tried to fight it

It's a fast song, requiring the perfect amount of mental lubrication and soju was just the ticket. She was sooo good, that she has officially retired that song from her Karaoke playbook stating, "That was an out of body experience. I can't top it, so I might as well go out on top."

We are on cloud nine at the next bar, but it was getting late and our big group started to disband. We all called it a night. Looking back at our tale of adventure, brings back glorious memories of great food and people.

(To Be Continued...)

Characters of Seoul

Where in the world does a person go to meet other English speaking people in Korea? The answer is Itawon. Itawon is known as the foreign district of Seoul. It is right in the middle of the city. It is, as my friend John said, "in the soul of Seoul." Its an entertainment district. The streets are littered with street vendors, bars, and dining establishments. I have been there three times.

The cast of characters I have run into include James from New Jersey, Tom from The Netherlands, and Nick from Manchester. I have also seen some Nigerians and ran into Elaina from Russia.



James is a huge sports fan. I place sports fans in two categories; there is the casual sports fan and the diehard sports fan. The casual sports fan watches Sportscenter highlights once or twice a week. These fans know the stars and the rules of the games; they love sports. The diehard sports fan dreams about sports. Sports are on their mind all the time. The founder of ADIDAS or All Day I Dream About Soccer was an obvious diehard. These fans not only know the stars, but they also know the stars back ups and the backs ups back up. They know statistics that make you wonder, "Why are you using so much mental capacity for sports?" They'll tell you the record of the 1993 Kansas City Chiefs. They'll rattle off video game attributes for players, "Devin Hester, 100 speed. Manny Lawson 90 speed." James and myself are very much the latter sports fan.



Tom Koning is from the Netherlands and speaks perfect English. In fact, he speaks five languages! His English is so good that I thought he was from the Midwest. He does not have any type of an accent. When he told me he was from Holland, I almost fell over. Nick was the biggest barrel of laughs I have had yet in Korea. I would start smiling anytime he would speak. One time he caught me laughing at him talking when he obviously wasn't saying anything remotely funny. We talked politics and religion and played pool. His arrival in Korea is a good story.



Manchester is home to the Red Devils soccer team, arguably the world's most popular sports franchise. This is probably paradise for a soccer loving Brit, but Nick left the Queen to go to school in China. He speaks three languages that I know of: Chinese, Korean, and English. In China, he met a Korean girl. They sparked a little romance, then poof he's got a job in Korea. The only hitch is he hates Korea. His relationship is on the rocks and he wants out. He's a "bloody banker". We met last Thursday night and around three o'clock at night he asked somebody, "What time is it?" He followed with a slur of curse words* and was off like a prom dress. He had to be at work in three hours. Time management wasn't something he was taught in China.



*Profane Language Alert. I loved hearing Nick cuss. It was so funny. As a little kid, I would laugh so hard if damn or shit slipped out of someones mouth. Now I don't have a reaction to cursing, but when you add an English or Irish or Scottish accent to the curse word it transforms itself into belly laugh hysteria. Wanker, Tosser, Bollocks, and Taking the Piss were the words that got me giggling like a kid. One drunk guy slammed his glass down shattering it into a thousand pieces, "He's a fecking tosser." was Nick's reply.



Nigerians are rumored to be the drug dealers of Korea. This is all rumored and I don't know if it is true, but needless to say I have befriended all of them.



There is a bar called Hollywood. It is owned by Shawn. Shawn has lived in Houston and speaks perfect English. He is young, probably around 25. His dad passed away and left him this bar. So Hollywood is our Cheers. (where everyone knows your name) Its a good time.

There is a major Kansas City connection going on over here. John is from Atchinson. Zach is from Lenexa. Bryan and Ryan are from the greater KC area. Then randomly I have met two other people from KC. The seven of us should set up a Little Kansas City somewhere and eat the world's best bar-b-que, drink Boulevard, and discuss the Chiefs upcoming season. Does Kansas City have a Little Korea?

I've also met a lot of Canadians. Canada is really just high on life right now. They are some brazen men. First of all, one Canuck had the audacity to tell me that Canada could take over Alaska anytime they wanted. All thirty million of them are prepared to go to war over Alaska. He wants Alaska for the oil. He told me that they already have dug trenches in preperation. "Dave, this isn't World War 1. We're not going fight in the trenches. We have an airforce. We have cruise missles. We have nukes. You have toy guns and maybe a couple of evil bears." That is what I should have told him, but I said "Canada is a loft over a really cool party." Someone else followed up, "Canada is America's hat." These are the types of conversations you have on the international scene.

FAQ Sheet #1

What age students do you teach?
I teach middle school students. They range from 12 - 14.

Do you like teaching?
The first day was awful. I did not plan enough material. It was my fault. Plus, I am teaching a second language, so it was not like I could easily fill the void with questions and stories. But day 2 was a lot smoother and today was even better than Day 2. I think I will like it.

How many hours do you teach?
I teach 16 classes a week at 70 minutes a class. I work around 30 hours a week.

Do you like Korea?
Yes. This was a great decision. It is still early, but this place is exciting. I don't know anything yet, and I am still having a lot of fun.

Who do you teach?
I am told we teach a more blue collar clientele. I have one student who has spent time in America, and could teach the class as well as me. Classes never have more than 15 students. I have a couple of 4 children classes too. Usually it's around 15 kids though.

Size

Terry left a comment that I found interesting; it was another stereotype. He said, "How does it feel to be a Giant?" This is commenting on the perception that Asians are smaller than Caucasians. I was expecting to be the Jolly White Giant in Korea, which is not entirely true.


I am about 6'2'' (on a good day, ((with shoes)), that puts me above average. Certainly not a giant. Lets say in America I am in the 72nd percentile measuring male height. In Korea, there are a lot smaller gentlemen. That puts the national average down a bit. I would venture its around 5'9''. I would say I am in the 85th percentile in Korea. I was on the subway* today, and I was thinking about Terry's question before I ever read his comment. Out of the half million gentlemen I saw, two were obviously taller than me. Many were around my height though. I'm tall, but I do not get any awkward looks.** People aren't trying to call up Barnum and Bailey to yell, "We got a freak for you!! Oh yeah, as tall as a giraffe! Get ready to sell a lot of tickets." Zach, on the other hand, would be in the 97th percentile, and they're trying to get him to perform in the circus as we speak.



*Day 7: I am beginning to feel comfortable within my neighborhood. By neighborhood I mean, a big street that I walk up and down. One side is the office where I work, while the other side is the subway station I use. This would be approximately a 25 minute walk from one side to the other. Let me paint you a picture of this street: there are two malls, a driving range, a movie theatre, many restaurants, many convenience stores, banks, and many high rise buildings. One image sticks out larger than any...NEON HEARTS.



My apartment has surprised me. I have a bed, a TV, a nice bathroom, good closet space, a washer, and (more importantly) it is roughly three times larger than Zach's apartment. All of this luxury seems to good to be true, and I guess it is. I live in a prominent massage parlor district. My huge room is offset by massage parlors. There are huge parlors, small parlors, red parlors, yellow parlors, expensive parlors, dirty parlors, business room parlors, room business parlors, and any other parlor you can think of. At night, my street comes alive with Neon lights. Meg and I were walking home from work after our first day and Meg told our boss, "Seoul looks so pretty at night." Sung Ming (our boss) replied, "That's because you don't know how to read Korean." Apparently, there are a lot of parlors.



Massage parlors are apart of Asian culture; it is a form of legal prostitution. Prostitution denotes such dirty connotations back home, but it's much more of a business over here. I have never seen a prostitute on the streets. I would not even know that I lived near so many brothels, unless I was told. My area is not unsafe because of the parlors. Please do not worry about this situation. I have only visited two parlors, and Meg has cut her working hours back to one a night, three days a week. We are fine!



Even with the massage parlors, I feel like I command the street now, not because I've been in every building, but because I've walked on it long enough to know which areas smell pungent, what areas have big puddles, and what places I can easily cross to get to the other side. In short, this street is where my new home is. I haven't ventured off the street, because I would quickly lose the landmarks I count on to get home. I have befriended the subway though. The subway once again reminded me how big Seoul is. In my one hour ride through the city, I went through fifteen stops and three stations. I also saw a million people. Not joking. It was like ants in an ant hill.


**I did get one of the best looks I have ever seen in my life yesterday, but Meg was with me so I don't think it was related to height. (Not saying Meg is short or anything) This three year old little girl threw her hands over her head and gasped. Meg and I started chuckling to ourselves at her actions. She then ran over to the shelter of her parents and gasped. I could tell that I we were the first white people that this girl has ever seen. She was so shocked and scared at the same time. I know I am scary, but I am not that scary!!


The women ALWAYS wear heels, so it is impossible to decipher their actual height. That experiment failed. So I can not help you on female size.

Storytime

Alright, I have been really busy. Meg still does not have an Internet connection in her apartment and I do not have a computer, so I have not had as many chances to post as I would like. I love the first round of comments, keep them up. I think I am going to continue to tell stories. This should be a more interesting way to keep everyone up to date. Here is a generic update: This is now our sixth day in Korea, it is hot, it is more humid than Missouri, Rainy Season is starting, and Koreans love foreigners (so far).

Kimchi is a staple of Korean food. It is fermented cabbage that is 90% of the time served cold. It is alright and it seems to vary quite a bit. It packs a nice little spice punch. Like Americans, Koreans love their meat. My diet was probably composed of at least 60% meat, so this is a good thing for me.

Last Saturday, Meg and I met up with Zach at Itaweon. Zach is a veteran of Korean teaching and knows the ropes of the city. He took charge and ordered the meal for eight guests. It was pretty impressive. The meal was full of good sides like a corn type salad, a vinegar based salad, a cooked squid dish, kimchi, and others. What Zach ordered as the main course was pig intestines. So the main dishes I had were pig intestines* and squid. Yeah, I guess you can say I have arrived in Korea.

*Pig intestines taste like a combination of pork chop and bacon, or like a fatty pork chop. I must say that was one of the best meals that I have had in a while.

That night was also my first experience with soju. Soju, an essential part to any Koreans diet, is actually as cheap as water! It is rice wine that is 40 proof. Its alright, but I am afraid it could do some damage. Here is my first Korean story.

Meg and I had to take a 3:00 a.m. flight from Guam to Korea. It was another uneventful early morning flight. We arrived in Korea at eight o'clock. A little Asian man (5'5) with a piece of notebook paper stating, "Meghan, Chris" was there greeting us. After a one and a half hour drive through Seoul at rush hour with Ray (the driver)*, we understood just how big this city really was. In fact, it is the biggest city I have ever been in. My body did not know what day it was, what time it was, or even what functions it was supposed to carry out. I was a mess. I met an official at the academy, had lunch, and then went to bed. It was probably around two o'clock.

* Ray was very much on the feminine side of masculinity. He picked us up in a little Hyundai. The only vehicles you see in Korea are Hyundais, KIAs, and DaeWoo's. (I don't know how to spell the names of those vehicles and I am too lazy to look it up.) I have seen one Benz too. Anyways, we were in a tiny car. His trunk was already half full of crap. I could tell this was going to be an awful ride through Seoul. Who picks two people up from the airport with a trunk half full? Remember, these people are going to be gone for a year. We had a lot of luggage, but Ray did not get the memo. So I am in the back seat of a little car, with heavy luggage crammed all around me. It must of been a comical sight. I could not buckle up. I did not want to complain to Ray, mainly because I was in Korea for like ten minutes, and I did not want to push any buttons quite yet. Americans call Asians poor drivers. That is their stereotype. And I was in the backseat wondering if that applies to Asians in their homeland.

Seoul is a big city. There is a ton of traffic. I was scared enough with Ray zipping along on the freeway, but then I look out and I see hundreds of other Asian drivers doing the same thing. I was in a unique position to confirm or dis confirm this stereotype. Lets just say he and the rest of Seoul passed; it wasn't pretty, but they passed. In fact, Meg became car sick toward the end of our adventure. So they get a 68% for not hurting us, but scaring the hell out of us at the same time. I don't care who you are, that is a pretty funny situation.

Since I went to bed so early, naturally I was going to wake up early. I woke up at 3:30 am. I was wide awake too. I waited till about six a.m., then I went down one floor to wake up Meg. Turns out she was up since 3 am! We then started to walk around the city. At six in the morning, on a Thursday, we saw many young Koreans stumbling in the streets. Six in the morning and they were still drunk. It was quite amusing for the two of us. One of Zach's Irish friends said that her culture can't hold a candlestick to the Koreans in terms of drinking, and I believe it. America has an obesity epidemic and Korea has a drinking epidemic. It is so cheap to drink here; apparently some people can not afford not to get drunk. But this city has something going on 24 hours a day and is very big, so there's got to be some bad apples. That was our first picture of Korea by ourselves. The caption should have been "What have we got ourselves into?"

22 hours of Travel

I don't mind travelling on airplanes; it does not bother me at all. At least that's what I thought. 22 hours of flying in the course of 36 hours can make you change your mind. Anyways, I read an article on Continental's executive chef. He is renowned around the world and has worked in some of the finest hotels in all of Europe. He lives in Houston and I think he has life figured out. Lets think about this for a second, he is a chef for an airline company! Here is an example of a decision he has to make, "This was a particularly good year for the peanut harvest, they are nice and crunchy. We should double the order."*

*I'll tell you what, peanuts on an airplane are the best peanuts I have ever tasted. I get pumped up for them. I always want to ask for more but end up biting my tongue. It could be the altitude or maybe the small portions that don't burn me out, but I love them. Come to think of it, everything on an airplane tastes better. I hate pretzels, but I'll scarf them down at 35,000 feet. I am never as excited anywhere else, if someone offers me a coke.


Because I don't have any in flight stories worth a damn*, I am going to list the food we ate while on board for 22 hours. Peanuts, a couple of salads, soggy microwaved pizza, a soggy turkey wrap, a real good chicken pasta, and another banal sandwich. Tell me chef, what experience do you need to come up with these items. They are all microwaved! Yet I could not eat these items fast enough. McDonald's has recently hired a culinary expert, he is behind the select salads, chicken sandwiches, parfaits, and other healthy items. I get his job. He has a plethora off ingredients and a KITCHEN to serve his creations out of. I would not be surprised if planes do have kitchens, but I have never seen one. So this has to be in the top five for best job for the level of difficulty, right?

*screaming babies, lack of sleep, ear's popping, the usual.

Here's the List:
1. 1st base coach
I still don't know what role they really have except to be male cheerleaders. They relay signs from other coaches that the players can see for themselves. They yell "GET BACK!" as players are already diving back to the base. They dodge foul balls nicely, but that is not an excuse for a job. They get paid to hang out with major leaguers. Sign me up.
2. Weatherman in San Diego
The weather is the same all year round. "70 degrees and sunny" is the only lone you need to know. Living there would be nice too.
3. Tom Cruises PR rep
"don't jump on couches, don't talk about Scientology, don't talk about relationships, don't speak." That's the extent of that job. This job could be volatile though, and the expected duration would be short.
4. Airline Chef
What an easy job. I am guessing a lot of time is devoted to first class, but I am not scared. One hour a week watching the Food Network will keep my skills up to par.
5. Senator or Representative of Guam
This is here because I am lazy and was struggling to come up with another idea. But I like it. You work for the government, which is notoriously easy. Your vote does not count in the senate, but you still get to go to Washington. There is only 150,000 on the island. I'll take it.


Anybody have any good choices?? This might let me know if I have an audience out there. I probably do not.

The first of many

Alright, I have now told over ten people my aspirations to start blogging to get me over the hump and do it. My dismal e-mailing record last summer led me to the conclusion that I need to blog to keep people informed.* The goals I have for this blog are: entertaining stories that make readers want to check the site for new posts daily and reader participation. Yes I have high expectations for this, but I am planning on adventure and good stories.

* My excuse is that Meg always supplied everyone with the best e-mails. I did not want to repeat the same information. The e-mails I would send would be like me telling you the exact same joke she did, only with me butchering the punchline. The question now becomes, "Why isn't she blogging?" Good question.

My chain has been jerked around for the last month and a half by Korea. I am now in Saint Louis awaiting departure. It could be Monday, it could be September 21st, 2023. I have no idea. This has been the most frustrating thing in my life. I'd rather shoot a 67 on 9 holes, then go through the day-to-day guessing game of when we finally leave for Korea. I must say that I have made the most of my opportunity in America.

On Thursday, Pat Smith and I went sailing. Now this was a windy day. Pat knew it was windy because he saw corn stalks bending in the breeze, and he looked up the mph of the wind on-line. I knew it was windy because Pat's sailboat was thrown off the trailer by a rather sizable gust. I went over to the boat to make sure everything was okay, after (of course) making sure every beer bottle in the cooler was not damaged. They were a little shaken but fine (the boat was fine too). On the lake, I could tell it was windy because of the amount of work I had to do. * There was no relaxing time. When I was the skipper, I tried to ride the wind. I'll define riding the wind simply as getting your butt on one side of the boat or else you will capsize. We started to take on water, and Pat yelled out, "release the line." I did... a little to fast and Pat was thrown as far as his boat earlier in the day. So I am in the boat, Pat's in the lake, and I can not tell you my own name I am panicking so much. Luckily, the wind died and Pat swam over.

*The first time Pat and I went sailing was in very moderate conditions. In fact, I was under the impression that sail boats were glorified canoes. It was like a float trip where you never paddled. My life was never in jeopardy. I was able to relax, which is why I thought sailing would be great on my last night in Kansas City. Of course it was the exact opposite, but I am always up for a little adventure.

I called Michelle Wilmore to ask her the name of a favorite Lawrence eatery called Pepperjack's and she invited me to Brooksider. The Brooksider located in... you guessed it Brookside. It is a mere six blocks from my house. Dave dropped me off, and I thought I was going to see Michelle. After six laps through the crowded bar, I soon thought otherwise. I did see Wes from the Real World there again. I think he is now just a professional drinker because Zach and I ran into him months ago at that bar. Michelle, I'll forgive you this time.

Please send me suggestions and don't ever be afraid to leave comments. Leave out grammatical errors please. I am human and I make mistakes.