China

Get ready for a humdinger of a post. Somewhere in between the countless hours I spend on baseball websites and lewrockwell,* I’ve managed to write this beast.



*I have actually been spending too much time on baseball sites. Baseball has become my biggest addiction. The root of this addiction began in Ireland. I was over there in the summer of 2007, and up to this point in my life football and basketball were by far my favorite sports. If Ken Griffey Jr. wasn’t playing, then I wasn’t going to be bothered watching baseball. The Sportscenter highlights were enough for me. But, in Ireland, during that rainy summer, baseball was my connection to Kansas City. You see, it was too early for football season and far too early for basketball to begin, so baseball was the logical choice. Ironically, my interest in America’s national pastime was brewed overseas. Needless to say, my passion for Royals baseball has only intensified over the last two years. My days are emptier when the Royals have an off day.



April 9, 2009-
Meg’s parents arrived in South Korea at 7 o’clock pm. I have assimilated to Korea so much that I am undaunted at the sight of towering skyscrapers, a hole in the ground where a toilet bowl should be, pastries with bean fillings, children in school uniforms walking home at night just finishing school…at 11:30 pm. But seeing Meg’s parents wide eyed at some of the astonishing random sights here was a great reminder. We took them up to our roof once we got off. The view from my apartment building is breathtaking. My building is 21 stories and quite a bit bigger than the buildings in my immediate area, and by immediate area I mean within five minutes walking distance. From this perch, you can appreciate the vast city that is Seoul. I would like to use the word skyline but cannot. Skyline, at least in my interpretation, refers to a line of buildings that usually define the downtown area of a city. Seoul doesn’t have a skyline, rather a skycluster or skygrid. All these towering buildings with their huge neon lights are nestled around the bottoms of various mountains in the city, creating a spectacular view. “It’s like Vegas” was Meg’s mother’s quote. We then took them to eat some spicy chicken deliciousness. After swearing to them that we weren’t about to eat chicken feet, they bravely tried everything that was thrown at them, even if it would “light up your world” as some of the Korean spicy dishes tend to do.



April 10th, 2009
The way I’m remembering these days is by what we ate for dinner. April 10th happened to be fried chicken. I’ve already told you that Korean’s know how to fry some chicken. KFC is probably the second most prevalent American fast food chain behind McDonald’s in Korea, and every residential area offers a plethora of beer and fried chicken restaurants. The place we chose is delicious and was a big hit with the folks. Within 30 hours of being in Korea, Meg’s mother had been given 3 presents from random Korean strangers. Upon arriving, some man gave her a hardboiled egg. She literally just got off the airport bus, and some young Korean man gave her a hardboiled egg. Koreans eat hardboiled eggs as a snack, in fact they are sold in every convenience store where we would normally see impulse buys like gum and mints.* Then the same young man must of thought, “Damn, those eggs leave your breath smelling like kimchi and garlic. Do they even eat hardboiled eggs in those crazy western countries? Well, I got to do something…” and he gave her a piece of gum to top it off. On April 10th, some random stranger in the restaurant approached our table and handed her a present. It was a bag full of Korean edible treats. I have no idea why she was given these presents, but I have to say it feels incredibly good to have gifts bestowed upon you like that. Very Rockstar.



*Who would ever think that a hardboiled egg would be an impulse buy? Here’s the thought process of a Korean man approaching cash register. “Chapstick! You know, it sure is windy out there today. My lips have been chapped for two months. I’ve been shedding so much skin from my bottom lip that a North Korean could survive on my skin flake protein for a week!” He begins to chuckle to himself, “Egg! Yes! Just what I need, some real protein. Of course I’ll need a pack of gum too.”



April 11th, 2009
This was a Saturday, and what a Saturday it was. A group of ten went to see a Korean baseball game, which just so happened to be my first Korean baseball game. The atmosphere of a Korean baseball game is completely different than what we are accustomed to back home. It is a sight to see, and I recommend it thoroughly! It’s so cool to see an American game with an Asian spin. For starters, one side of the stadium is for the home crowd and the other side is for those cheering the visitors. The PA system is weak. All the cheers are generated by the fans, and the fans are loudest on offense. The team we happened to be cheering for was the home team, so the opposing team was cheering first. 90% of the crowd has inflatable noise makers, and these noise makers beat in cadence with some huge drums during the cheers. It honestly sounds and feels like you are about to go to war with the opposing side. The atmosphere was intense. Everybody was in unison. It was awesome. I can’t wait to go check out another game. Mr. Baseball offers a great glimpse of baseball in Asia. After the game, we took the rents out for a Korean style bbq pork dinner with our group of ten.



April 12th, 2009
On Sunday, we headed out to a cherry blossom festival. Believe you me; there was a ton of cherry blossoms. A Ton! This festival was about 3 1/2 hours away from Seoul, and it included all the headaches of traveling in a foreign country. Here is my one step guide to traveling in a foreign country; plan for everything to go wrong and be patient when everything does go wrong.



April 13th, 2009
China! For the second time in my life, I had someone waiting at the airport holding a piece of paper with my name on it. The feelings of these small gestures are a combination of comfort and Rock Starness. Our guide was Doo, and he was amazing. Born and raised in Beijing, he had a passion for all things China. He was 27, full of life and jokes.* Our first day festivities included the Summer Palace, which was amazing. Hopefully, throughout my blog posts I have been able to convey the massive crowds experienced in Seoul. Well, take those massive crowds and times it by two, and then you are at the level of Beijing crowds. This is the peak season of tourism for China. China, home of 1.3 billion people, doesn’t need the rest of the world for tourism quotas; they can get by just fine with domestic tourists. The tourists were mainly domestic farmers who work on their own schedule. They were out in droves on this delightful Monday. As for the Summer Palace, it was great. The weather was perfect; in fact the weather was perfect for our entire China trip. The sights of this ancient palace, where Chinese Emperors would pass the time on hot summer nights, were grand. And some things were quite comical. Chinese children under the age of four have giant holes in their trousers. This blogger tackles this subject a lot better than I ever could, so please click the link to fully appreciate the baby bum phenomena in China. I asked Doo about these pants, and he gave me a lecture about how children don’t know how to go to the bathroom. He then said the pants were convenient. Agreed. In fact I’d like to get me a pair of them. Some 80 year old peasant, who happened to be missing 29 of his 32 teeth, wanted to get his picture taken with me. I don’t have any witnesses either, but I’m pretty sure he tried kissing me, and I’m pretty sure I would have let him had Meg not been around.



*Doo joke number 1- A happy couple was thinking about getting married. The woman was all for it, but the man had some reservations. After months of thinking, the man finally agreed to marry the woman under one condition: the man would have a secret box that the woman would promise never to open. The woman agreed instantly. After fifty years of marriage, the woman decided to open that secret box. In the box, she found 3 golf balls and 1,000 dollars. This seemingly random combination of items intrigued her. Her husband was sick and on his deathbed, so she asked him, “Honey, why do you have 3 golf balls in your secret box?” The dying old man was either sick of hiding the truth from his wife or too doped up on medicine to lie replied, “I put a golf ball in my secret box every time I’ve cheated on you.” The woman was not happy to be cheated on, but decided to show her dying husband compassion. “That’s okay honey. What is the 1,000 dollars for?” The man replied, “Every time I get a dozen golf balls, I sell them.”



April 14th, 2009
Day two of China started with a glorious western style breakfast from our four star hotel. For the third time in 9 months I was treated to such tasty treats like pancakes, bacon, sausage, waffles, scrambled eggs, and French toast. We then headed out to the Forbidden City. The Forbidden City simply dominates and shames every temple in Korea and for that matter probably the world. Doo said that the Japanese were very careful in their occupation of China. The Japanese believed that destroying Chinese culture would curse them. They believed this because the Japanese are descendants of China, and like the Chinese, they are very superstitious. In Korea, on the other hand, the Japanese pillaged, plundered, raped, and burned down everything. Anyway, the Forbidden City is where they filmed The Last Emperor and is right across from Tiananmen Square. I believe the normal adjectives apply to the Forbidden City: beautiful, amazing, astonishing, (of course, crowded) wonderful, and so on. I want to say that the campus of this city was 242 acres. The Emperor would live here with 10,000 guards, 72 serving women, and a bunch of neutered men acting as advisors. Tiananmen Square is the biggest square in the world. It’s right across from the “Chinese Whitehouse”. It’s also home to Mao Zedong. Mao is revered in China. They love him. I guess they forgot to write the chapter on Mao where he kills over 70 million Chinese with communist policies. We also saw a Chinese opera, which can only be described as torture. The same ungodly instruments are beat for no rhyme or reason. I rather listen to the racket of a third grade band practice than the chaos of a Chinese Opera. On top all that lunacy, was a man dressed up like a woman singing falsetto! It was horrible!



*Doo joke number 2- A couple just so happened to share the same birthday. They decided to get married on their birthday, which would bring them good luck. They got married on their 30th birthday. After 30 years of marriage, they decided to throw themselves a big Anniversary/Birthday party. Because they got married on their birthdays, they did receive good luck. A genie showed up at their party granting them each one wish. The woman wished for enough money to travel the world. Poof! She was handed a suitcase full of cash. The man wished for a wife 30 years younger. Poof! The man turned 90.



April 15th, 2009
On Wednesday, we saw the Ming Tombs. And the Great Wall. I thought about ending Day 3 of China right there, because it’d be funny. I write 200 plus words on the role baseball plays in my life and just merely mention the Great Wall. I do think I’m getting carpel tunnels in my wrist at this point, due to the length of this post, and I have probably lost every reader at this point. Anyway, the Ming Tombs were amazing. But the Great Wall is something to behold. The size of it is immense. If you stretched the wall out, then it would go from LA to Washington DC says Doo**. The Great Wall also involves a Great Walk. The grade on some stretches of the wall is steeper than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bicep! We made it to the top and then got to haggle with some peasants for “I climbed The Great Wall” T-shirts. This was a unique battle, where we got them to come down like 450%! We ended up with three t-shirts, two sculptures, and a scarf. Meg’s dad ended up trying on his T-shirt, so for periods of time he was shirtless on The Great Wall. When one of the ladies asked him for money, he said that she should pay him for the view of his half-naked body. She then told him that he had mental problems. As with running with the bulls, climbing The Great Wall was on my life to do list. I have a pretty ambitious life to do list. I want to do all of things I have written down, but in the back of my head I know that most of them are long shots. It’s a great feeling to scratch out these items. It’s surreal, because they actually happened and even in my wildest dreams I didn’t anticipate them happening so quickly. But here I am, in Asia, living out dreams I thought of years ago!



*Doo joke number 3- (This took place right after a conversation on Disney) You know the mouse that walks on two legs? What’s his name? (We of course yelled Mickey) What about the duck? (We yelled Donald Duck, he then coolly stated…) All ducks walk on two feet.



**Doesn’t it seem like everything conveniently stretches from LA to DC or LA to New York. I’m beginning to question everything that happens to stretch that length.



April 16th, 2009
Our last day in China was all about haggling. We went to a market and bought loads of counterfeit goods. I got a big ol’ Samsonite hiking backpack and two high quality Ralph Lauren polo shirts for about 33 dollars. Once again you have to take the price they tell you and divide it by 4 to get a good starting point. It was honestly the most fun I’ve ever had shopping. I absolutely loved it! I got separated from our fearsome foursome because I was like a kid in a candy store. Sometimes negotiating on items I didn’t even want just for the sake of negotiating. It was a lot of fun.



China in summation: China was such an amazing blend of rich culture, friendly people, AMAZING FOOD, and great things to do. It was one of the best vacations of my life, in large part thanks to Doo. He was so kind and enthusiastic. He took all the stress related to traveling right off our hands. He took us to the best restaurants or told us where to find them. He told us the prices we should expect to pay. Meg’s parents weren’t quite too shabby themselves. They proved to be excellent companions. They also paid for the trip, and I’m so thankful for that. It was a great time; I’m sure it’ll be unforgettable as well.