Koreans vs. Americans

I read this book on the can the other day*, and the book's thesis compared the differences between Koreans and their American counterparts. It was designed to point out the differences without presenting biases one way or the other. And it can be boiled down to this, Americans think that Koreans are rude and Koreans think that Americans are ignorant to Korean culture. I completely concur with this thesis too. Koreans may be the rudest culture in the world, but I'm getting to like the men hocking up loogies, last night's dinner, next year's kidney stone, their pancreas, and whatever else they can get up on the sidewalk. Oh, I also loved being shoved in the back by 100 year old women that are so bent their bodies form an upside L.


*Sorry for the phrase "on the can" though I have to admit it's one of my favorite phrases. And you must admit, a certain reading on the john phenomena exists. People that haven't picked up a book since high school will gladly read while going to the bathroom. Gross, I know, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Reading seems more interesting when you're handling your business. Unfortunately, I know I've read People and Good Housekeeping in this setting. Both those magazines don't interest me in the slightest, (well... okay, once in a while I have to keep tabs on Brangelina in People) but "on the can" I'll read an article on decorating a Vermont cottage likes it's the Sports page. No one has ever talked about this openly, but how many houses have you been in where you actually see a receptacle for older magazines in the bathroom? Once again, I'm sorry for the digression that has nothing to do with Korea or my experiences.


In other news, that short little pesky North Korean, you know, he who must not be named is appearing in the news quite often, testing the Obama team as much as possible. Remember back on the campaign trail, when Biden let this infamous line slip out:(paraphrasing) "Mark my words, Obama will be tested." I sure hope Biden's not a fortuneteller and North Korea isn't the country doing the testing, because, well, I will die if they are. There's a strong probability of my death if Seoul is attacked, anyways. The only well-funded organization in N. Korea is the army, and it's scary big. If you haven't heard about the North Korean stirrings, then I guess you are living in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan. CNN news's hot topics section has North Korea third ahead of Iraq and Afghanistan. Yikes!

With the tensions mounting, you would think that Seoul would be practicing drills or running through what if scenarios. I know in the 70's, there were nuclear bomb drills. My kids have never heard of any kind of bombing drills. I just asked my neighboring Korean teachers if they even cared about what the North says, and they don't. Not at all. I got two shrugs, a smile, and the same three words; I don't care.


Hey, living in a war zone has its drawbacks, but when in Korea...







Grab Your Glocks













My Obama campaign poster.

Korean Food

Dak galbi- This is a spicy chicken dish, and it is one of my favorites! That pan has serving size is 2 people! You could feed an army with all that food!





These are hand crafted noodles with pork in them. The pork meat oozes juice, and you actually have to stab the noodles and suck the juice out of them to prevent juices flying everywhere. They are amazing!!
(appetizer)




This is pork. I've talked about this dish at length already. It's delicious.
(serving size 2-3)




This is a Korean style BBQ. You have ribs, pork, and also BBQ-ed duck! (serving size 2-3)





This is called bi-bim-bop. It is a vegetarian dish (there is an egg though) that is very colorful and also amazing. Who knew that some dishes don't need meat?
(serving size 1)


This last dish is shabu shabu. It's basically a broth filled with the veggies you see below and thin strips of beef. The broth is so hot that the beef cooks in seconds, or as the Korean's say, "just shakey, shakey." After you're done feasting on the meat and veggies, you put in a bowl full of noodles. After you're done with the noodles, (when the broth is cooked down to just a couple of drops) you fry some rice. This once again is just a serving size for two people.






Americans may have the biggest portions in the world, but Korea has to be up on the list. These are my favorite meals, and I can not wait to share them with everybody when I return home.

The Acting Career

I might have just had my fifteen minutes of fame, because I was just filmed on camera and got paid, indirectly.

Yes, just soak that in for a second. Me, you know the guy who is one of the worst actor's in the world, was in a commercial like documentary, and got paid in a 400 dollar comprehensive medical examination voucher, complete with a colonoscopy like procedure. I say colonosocpy like procedure because the camera and fifteen feet of hose were shoved down your mouth instead of your rectum. And I don't know the name of this procedure, although I saw it done to another patient.*

*Wow, this scene reminded me of a way too graphic Discovery Channel medical show. They really shove a thick hose down your throat.** The procedure only lasts a couple of minutes though. This is a rundown of the procedure: (I got such a vivid understanding of the procedure, because I watched it via the video recorder attached to the front of the hose.*** Apparently there is no waiting room in Korea, and we were encouraged to watch the unpleasant proceedings.)

1. Put the patient to sleep
2. Ram 15 feet of hose down the patient's throat.
   
3. Push through the tongue and mucus with the hose. And whatever else the esophagus has up its sleeve.
   
4. Pause every second to take a couple of pictures.
5. Hold down the patient that is supposedly asleep, even though the patient is struggling mightily. By struggling, I mean flaying his arms uncontrollably, and even clenching his fists.
6. Remove the hose.

**That's what.... no more jokes

***Every channel in Korea is broadcasted in HD. They are vastly ahead of the U.S. in this regard. Almost every TV I run across, here in Korea, is an HD television. Except, of course, the TV that counts...the one in my room. Watching this poor man wriggle like a fish***** with a huge hook through its head, I could not help but be amazed by the stunningly crisp definition on the monitor. If this man had a tumor, I would be able to detect it easily. The detail of this man's interior was vivid and gross. In fact, I think that camera hose tested the viewers as much as the patient, because the patient was put to sleep.

**** I already got 3 asterisks might as well make it a fourth. I love the use of commas, and I hardly ever know how to use them, but I live by this mantra, "When in a peculiar grammar situation, throw in a comma, because, hell, they're the original man's best friend."

***** Whoever said, "fish don't feel pain" a long time ago had to be an idiot. Why would fish not feel pain? Wouldn't it benefit fish to feel pain, like all oxygen breathing organisms? I have seen enough fish on a hook to know that their twitching isn't because they're excited. No, it's more likely due to the fact that they are bleeding from their gills and in immense pain. Just think if some gigantic being was trying to rip a hook out of your belly, twisting every organ in the process. Would you feel it? Vegetarians use this phrase all the time, as if it somehow justifies eating fish. If I'm not mistaken, fish are animals as well. Maybe their protein depleted brains subconsciously reinforce this misconception, and they need to believe it, I don't know. Cheaper meat for me.

****** I just did a quick google research to make sure my "fish feeling pain" rant had some merit, and it appears that some "scientists" believe that fish DON'T feel pain. Others DO. I'm still in the later group, and I have some more theories. I'll save the three loyal readers I have though.

******* Have you ever had a rant, I mean a real good rant too, and then it turned out that you were completely wrong? When you find out you're wrong, you feel like an idiot, then later that day you go on another rant that's also unwarranted. Well, it happens to me weekly.

Wow! Where was I? Oh yes, acting. Have I mentioned that I might be one of the world's worst actors? Today's process was not necessarily challenging, because I was ad-libbing like Robin Williams, it was just awkward. I was at my best during the improv "interview" where a Korean translator would ask me questions on the procedure (the one above), the staff, the atmosphere, and other "how are you feeling" questions. Obviously, these were all lies, because I didn't have the procedure, nor did I even talk to any of the doctors. So I was a regular actor, paid to spew lies and support marketing propaganda.

Just think of those late night infomercials, where people give testimonies for "wonder pills" that will make them either lose 25 lbs in three days, have 48 hour boners, or get rid of acne in less than 5 minutes. The people that give those "testimonials" are actors bought and paid for by the company's marketing their products. Some of them are convincing, believe me I know, I once thought I could increase my size.... my bicep muscle size (get your mind out of the gutter) in mere days.

I was one of those actors, possibly duping the greater Korean public into believing this company is what it may or may not be. I really don't know if the company is good or not. I don't care either, because I'm the world's worst actor! I'm going to scare people away from the product. They're not going to go near this hospital! They're going to go out of their way to avoid this hospital.

Here's the most memorable line: "I was a little intimidated at first, but the doctor was so kind and helpful, I felt right at home."-me

Laterthe guy told me to say this: "It was so good that I'm going to convince my friends from the United States to come to Korea for the operation"

Because I'm a professional actor, with a license for artistic creativity, I wasn't buying this line. I told the guy, "Wow, a little ambitious don't you think?"

He seemed to love the word "ambitious" and said it about five times while waving his hands to continue. At this point, I thought about pulling a premadonna move by walking off set, because I'll only say the lines my character would say. Since I was playing myself, I knew my character would never mutter the words; "It was so good that I'm going to convince my friends from the United States to come to Korea for the operation."

In the end, I gave up my artistic freedom. The Fascist producer got his way censoring a would be star into unbelievable dialogue, in effect, ending my ticket to Hollywood.

Things left to ponder

1. Can I consider myself a professional actor? I was paid, but it was more like an exchange of services. Regardless, this is going right to the top of my resume.
2. Do fish feel pain?
3. Should I have that procedure done to me when I get my thorough examination? I mean, they put you to sleep. I've been put to sleep before, and WOW what a feeling that is. The dentist told me, "You're going to be asleep in 10 seconds." I thought, "You obviously don't know me. You better at least give me 15 secs..." I couldn't even finish the thought. But before I went "under" the room started spinning around and around at the speed of light. That's a powerful drug, and I'm not jonesing to be put under again, by any means. It would be cool to have a clean bill of health though. What do you think?
   

Where's my pot of gold?

I did not take this picture, so I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. I just think it's amazing! The end of a rainbow! WOW!

Funny Pic

There's no language barrier here. When I look at this sign, I know exatly where to go when nature is calling...upstairs, because I'm a man.

Yes, this graphic picture was in a restauraunt where children may or may not be. As I have said before, Asians don't seem to mind being naked, so this little public sign may not be out of the norm.

Overdue

I HAVE HAD WORK to do this week, UGH! It's not just the fact that I don't like work, (I don't) but work is made so much harder when for so long you haven't had to do anything. I've had to grade about 225 book reports this week. Correcting is and are, making words plural, and reading the same thing over and over again should be the new form of torture wherever our new Guantanamo Bay is established. I want to pull my hair out! This week has brought down a whip from the tops of this organization. We now have an intranet system that monitors our every move; I call it the Olympia Skynet. So, I'm beginning to think I might actually have a job, which really, really scares me.

Never the less, time has just been flying for me! I cannot believe that I have almost been in Korea for 7 months! This month will be interesting, a changing of the guards if you will. Zach, John, Ramsey, and Steven are all leaving this month. This happens all the time, with people always coming and going, after all, we're just bound to one year contracts. People often take off a month after completion of the contract.* So, John and Zach are leaving us to fend for ourselves, and they are irreplaceable friends. Their vacancies offer new chances for friendships though, and life will go on.

*I have been giddy today as I plan a Southeast Asia trip for the middle of July. One week of working has driven me to plan a vacation. The information I've been reading just sounds heavenly. We're going to head out on a three week trip to Thailand, Laos, and Cambodia. Three weeks you say, isn't that a bit overkill? The answer is a resounding no! When $10 a day will turn you into a king in Laos we might just have to stay longer. Laos is cheap, beautiful, and IN MY FUTURE. Here's a site that will give you a little detail on this magnificent country. What we're going to do for sure in Laos

• Ride and bathe an elephant in the jungle
• White water raft (10 dollars for the trip)
• Relax in the jungle and drink .25 cent fruit shakes

Update:
Skiing -
I have been a skiing fool for the last two weeks, making it to the slopes both weekends. Round trip transportation, (4 hrs. total) ski rentals, and afternoon and night lift tickets cost only 75 dollars a day! I almost can't afford not to, especially considering how far we are from any mountains in Kansas City, so I plan on going to the slopes at least two more times.

Meg and I also went trekking along an ice river with a tour group, and stayed the night in a mushroom shaped cabin. Mushrooms were the theme of the complex we stayed at, and it looked very psychedelic if you ask me, literally right off the pages of Alice in Wonderland or something.































I need a designer, my layout skills are awful. Pre-published posts are always different looking than post-published posts too, so I never know how the pictures will turn out, making captions pointless. That being said, here they are:

The mushroom statue picture; perhaps a bit phallic?
The frozen river with footprints; isn't that a gorgeous shot, simply beautiful.
Me on the frozen river with footprints; yes I ruined it!
Mushroom cabin; strange! Everything was mushroom shaped including benches, chairs, buildings, fire pits, and the actual cabins!
The last picture was taken at a particularly thin point in the river. Paul (from Scotland) and I are head first in the river drinking some fresh spring fed mountain water. The water was so cold and delicious. Knowing how much I hate the cold water, it was perhaps a bit brazen of me to get right over thin ice, but the tour guide did it so... When in Korea...

I love skiing so much. It was one of my favorite things to do. Skiing is the icing on the cake of my Korean experience.