Don't call me a woman!

It never ceases to amaze me how much crap is on the web. I ran across this today. The website analyzes blogs and determines whether the author is a male or female. Well, apparently it can't or I write like a girl. In an effort to boost my manliness maybe I should talk more about baseball, beer, and muscle cars.


Maybe this is a positive though. Girls excelled in English during grade school and beyond, kind of like Asians with math.* Overall, my blog is pretty gender neutral (for now) and the website is 55% confident that a woman writes it. It seems pretty fishy now that I think about, considering this post title: John Post #2. John is not Johanna.


*There are two big Asian stereotypes that I need to address right now. The first one is their math skills; it's true. Asians take math seriously from a young age. In Korea, children take supplementary math classes outside of school in addition to a rigorous math program during school. The other misconception is not true. And I'm talking about how every Asian looks the same. Every Asian looks different, so if you hear another Asians look the same joke, just call bull shit.

In a conscience effort to get more manly, I am going to tell a little humorous story involving some of the characters in Seoul. Of course, what is more manly than the word penis. This is a penis story full of crudeness, but it happened. This is my interpretation of a night that happened with my three closest friends in Korea.

John: Last time I was at an arcade I saw Doug's penis.
me: What?
John: Last time I was in an arcade....I saw Doug's penis.
me: I'm sorry, I keep thinking you're saying you saw Doug's penis in an arcade. You know, the place where little children play video games, Chuck E. Cheese ring any bells. Is Doug a pederast...
John: Wait, Zach never told you this story...

against better judgement I tried to find out more... who am I trying to kid, I HAD to find out more, I fired out this response the instant John stopped talking.

me: Please tell.
John: Okay, I can't believe Zach never told you this. After a particularly heavy night of drinking, Zach, Doug, and I wandered off to an arcade. It's like 3 in the morning, but it's Korea so the place is still open. Have you been to an arcade in Korea?
me: And because it's Korea I have absolutely no problem with you in an arcade at 3 am. But to answer your question I haven't been to an arcade here.
John: They are like back home, but they are usually bigger and they have photo booths. The booths have wigs and other costume like accessories. And the three of us went straight to the photo booths, mainly because I like to take photos with men wearing multi-colored wigs at 3 in the morning while being hammered.
me: But of course, who doesn't!
John: I KNOW, some people are afraid of clowns and others, myself included, have clown fetishes. Anyway, Doug had a hard on for this bright orange Afro wig, and he tried to steal it. The bottom line is: it's three in the morning, the place is empty, two of us are white, and we're all tanked, so we were getting a lot of attention from the one poor bastard still working the place. And Doug's stealing a wig. The teenager working this dead end job had his eye on Doug the entire time and started to walk on over towards us...
me: Did you warn Doug????
John: Yeah, we did. We said, "Doug the guys coming." He then threw the bright orange wig behind the photo booth. Maybe you should sit down for the rest of this, because it gets better.
me: The penis part, yeah I can only imagine.
John: The guy is right by us now looking at Doug. He never SAYS ANYTHING. He DOESN'T ACCUSE Doug of anything. Doug initiates EVERYTHING. Doug sees this guy looking at him and says, "What, I didn't take the wig. You want me to take off my shirt. I'll take off my shirt." Doug then proceeds to take off his shirt saying, "See man I don't have your wig." At this point, Doug was assuming that he had to convince this guy a little more, even though the worker never accused him of anything. The next bit is priceless. Doug says, "What you thinks it's in my pants? You want me to take off my pants? I don't have your wig bro-man. I'll take off my pants." Did I mention we were wasted?
me: So Doug has his shirt off and this guy is probably thinking. "Well, I can't understand a word you're saying, because I don't speak English, and holy shit you just took your shirt off. Things are escalating quickly. I mean, really just getting out of hand."
John: YES! Exactly! The guy probaly didn't speak English and never accused Doug of anything. I mean, he had no idea what was about to happen. Doug drops his drawers to his ankles, and he's standing there, cock blowing in the breeze with boxers around his ankles saying, "See, I don't have your wig bro." He then does a complete 360 naked, just so the guy can really check out any crevasse in his naked Hawaiian body. For a good thirty seconds, Doug is butt-ass naked pirouetting like a Russian ballerina. Just absolutely hilarious.
me: In an arcade...at 3 in the morning...Doug's naked. I should be surprised, but I'm not...just another day on this side of the world.