Don't call me a woman!

It never ceases to amaze me how much crap is on the web. I ran across this today. The website analyzes blogs and determines whether the author is a male or female. Well, apparently it can't or I write like a girl. In an effort to boost my manliness maybe I should talk more about baseball, beer, and muscle cars.


Maybe this is a positive though. Girls excelled in English during grade school and beyond, kind of like Asians with math.* Overall, my blog is pretty gender neutral (for now) and the website is 55% confident that a woman writes it. It seems pretty fishy now that I think about, considering this post title: John Post #2. John is not Johanna.


*There are two big Asian stereotypes that I need to address right now. The first one is their math skills; it's true. Asians take math seriously from a young age. In Korea, children take supplementary math classes outside of school in addition to a rigorous math program during school. The other misconception is not true. And I'm talking about how every Asian looks the same. Every Asian looks different, so if you hear another Asians look the same joke, just call bull shit.

In a conscience effort to get more manly, I am going to tell a little humorous story involving some of the characters in Seoul. Of course, what is more manly than the word penis. This is a penis story full of crudeness, but it happened. This is my interpretation of a night that happened with my three closest friends in Korea.

John: Last time I was at an arcade I saw Doug's penis.
me: What?
John: Last time I was in an arcade....I saw Doug's penis.
me: I'm sorry, I keep thinking you're saying you saw Doug's penis in an arcade. You know, the place where little children play video games, Chuck E. Cheese ring any bells. Is Doug a pederast...
John: Wait, Zach never told you this story...

against better judgement I tried to find out more... who am I trying to kid, I HAD to find out more, I fired out this response the instant John stopped talking.

me: Please tell.
John: Okay, I can't believe Zach never told you this. After a particularly heavy night of drinking, Zach, Doug, and I wandered off to an arcade. It's like 3 in the morning, but it's Korea so the place is still open. Have you been to an arcade in Korea?
me: And because it's Korea I have absolutely no problem with you in an arcade at 3 am. But to answer your question I haven't been to an arcade here.
John: They are like back home, but they are usually bigger and they have photo booths. The booths have wigs and other costume like accessories. And the three of us went straight to the photo booths, mainly because I like to take photos with men wearing multi-colored wigs at 3 in the morning while being hammered.
me: But of course, who doesn't!
John: I KNOW, some people are afraid of clowns and others, myself included, have clown fetishes. Anyway, Doug had a hard on for this bright orange Afro wig, and he tried to steal it. The bottom line is: it's three in the morning, the place is empty, two of us are white, and we're all tanked, so we were getting a lot of attention from the one poor bastard still working the place. And Doug's stealing a wig. The teenager working this dead end job had his eye on Doug the entire time and started to walk on over towards us...
me: Did you warn Doug????
John: Yeah, we did. We said, "Doug the guys coming." He then threw the bright orange wig behind the photo booth. Maybe you should sit down for the rest of this, because it gets better.
me: The penis part, yeah I can only imagine.
John: The guy is right by us now looking at Doug. He never SAYS ANYTHING. He DOESN'T ACCUSE Doug of anything. Doug initiates EVERYTHING. Doug sees this guy looking at him and says, "What, I didn't take the wig. You want me to take off my shirt. I'll take off my shirt." Doug then proceeds to take off his shirt saying, "See man I don't have your wig." At this point, Doug was assuming that he had to convince this guy a little more, even though the worker never accused him of anything. The next bit is priceless. Doug says, "What you thinks it's in my pants? You want me to take off my pants? I don't have your wig bro-man. I'll take off my pants." Did I mention we were wasted?
me: So Doug has his shirt off and this guy is probably thinking. "Well, I can't understand a word you're saying, because I don't speak English, and holy shit you just took your shirt off. Things are escalating quickly. I mean, really just getting out of hand."
John: YES! Exactly! The guy probaly didn't speak English and never accused Doug of anything. I mean, he had no idea what was about to happen. Doug drops his drawers to his ankles, and he's standing there, cock blowing in the breeze with boxers around his ankles saying, "See, I don't have your wig bro." He then does a complete 360 naked, just so the guy can really check out any crevasse in his naked Hawaiian body. For a good thirty seconds, Doug is butt-ass naked pirouetting like a Russian ballerina. Just absolutely hilarious.
me: In an arcade...at 3 in the morning...Doug's naked. I should be surprised, but I'm not...just another day on this side of the world.

My First Second Job

I got my first second job. Does that make sense? I now teach separate classes every Sunday from 1:30 to 3:50 for a side job. My school set this up for me and here's the best part: I get paid about 50 dollars per hour! Holy Shnikes! People all around the world are reeling right now, and somehow I'm getting paid 50 dollars an hour to teach kids English asking myself, "What global economic slowdown?" Meg got the gig as well. This is her 4th job.



It's even more interesting considering the following: I don't have an English or teaching degree, in fact, and I hate to say this because of my current job, but English is and has always been one of my worst subjects. I am sure that anyone who has read over two blog posts can attest to my poor grammar skills. Indeed, I just learned that there is a difference between your and you're a year ago! I have been corrected so many times in my life, but the corrections go in one ear and out the other. I'm a baboo. (that's Korean for idiot)



I was adding up the costs of activities and thought I would post them here:



Big Mac Meal- $3.5

Movie ticket - $5.4

Korean Bar B Que meal*- $3-6.50

Pint of the Korean liqueur Soju- 97 cents

Meal for 1 at Outback Steakhouse- 25 dollars

Glazed Doughnut at Dunkin Donuts*- 70 cents

Clothes are much cheaper but it varies so much; I'm going to just avoid that can of worms

1 liter bottle of Orange Juice- $2.70



Okay and here is the best deal in Korea to date: $11.55 for all you can eat sushi rolls and other buffet items. These are real sushi rolls, with fancy sauces, crab, and did I say crab!!!! What are you going to chase your awesome crab almond roll down with, how about all you can drink wine, which is included in the original sticker price! For those of you keeping score, 11.50 for a buffet and all you can drink wine. Now, granted the wine isn't top shelf, but in this case quantity over quality right?


I remember reading an article somewhere, (yes I do read...once in a while) and it listed Seoul as the the 5th most expensive city in the world. The won was a much stronger currency at that point, to give the article some credit, but looking at the prices that I posted above, I just don't see it. I know real estate is very expensive here, but look at how much a Big Mac meal is! I mean, the 5th most expensive city in the world! Get out of here!

I can travel from one side of Seoul to the other for about 20 dollars. That would get you from one side of JFK to other in New York or maybe a couple of laps around ground zero. The cabbies have got a 10 percent increase coming to them sometime in 2009, which is really going to hurt my wallet. It might take 22 dollars to get to the other side of Seoul! It's laughable how cheap public transportation is here. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION! It is one of the few advantages of living in such a population dense city.

I got to go teach the young ones. Really, this is just a long winded update post, which can be boiled down to: I am feeling better, and I got a side job.

나 아파요 ㅜㅜ

The title translated = I am sick. I mean I got the flu. I don't remember the last time I had the flu, but holy shit, I don't know if I have had it this bad before. I spent all weekend in the fetal position shivering under blankets. I am now in day 5 of this son of a gun, and it has regressed to a really bad cold. A couple of weeks ago, we switched Tuesday night poker to Monday. So, every Tuesday morning, my apartment has a bunch of beer bottles littered throughout the apartment from the 6-8 players the night before. Well, this Tuesday morning, the beer was replaced by a weekend's worth of powerade bottles and tissues, leaving my apartment equally as trashed.

Meg, who was doing her best to stay away and still comfort me at the same time, is predictably as sick as a dog right now. I have always had this ability to get anyone close to me sick whenever I am sick. Growing up, I would catch a cold, then give it to my mom who would in turn give it to Dave. Or was Dave already sick? I can't remember he's usually sick for half of the winter anyway. I probably don't wash my hands and don't cover my mouth enough. As Dave says, "you always got to be touching something." Sorry.

I'm all hopped up on medicine, and I'm feeling a little crazy. I am working on about three hours of sleep, and Survivor Gabon takes the fall for that. I have never spent anytime watching any of the Survivors, so I don't know if Gabon is a new or old season. All I know is that I spent the bulk of the night between 1-6 in the morning either watching the show or thinking about it.

Here were some of the questions that popped up in my mind: What strategic alliances would I pursue? How would I handle certain personalities? Take Kenny for example, the guy is a shyster, right? A swindler, but he's a player and I like that. Yes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Okay, I lost it for a second, but I'm back on track. Meg and I had a wonderful Christmas in Seoul. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe. So, I have now been to McDonald's and Hard Rock Cafe in three different continents. Unfortunately, this was the worst Hard Rock I have been to food wise. The chicken was a tad bit dry, and my french dip was a bit too rosemaryie. But the atmosphere was great as always. We took our time and enjoyed each other's company. Then we headed out to the best mall of Korea.

Christmas is a national holiday and every body has the day off, so every other person in Korea apparently wanted to head toward the best mall in Korea as well. If you think traffic is bad on Christmas in the states, Great Gatsby, come to Korea. I don't even like walking with that many people around me. I truly get freaked out. The movie theatre was crowded beyond belief, and all the shows were sold out till like 10; it was 4 in the afternoon. We folded our cards and headed to the only place that would cheer me up: The Arcade. Meg and I engaged in an intense battle for basketball supremacy via a basketball shooting arcade. She won and took my man hood with her.

The day was exactly what I needed, a little R&R. Meg's mother did a fantastic job, and sent us quite a bit of presents. So we had a gift exchange that was reminiscent of our family tradition. We both had Santa hats on, and after every gift opening I would yell out, "let's hear it for the..."

John post # 2

Today, Chris suggested topics for me to write about like a special ed teacher helping some retarded schoolboy lacking the creative intellectual capacities to come up with something comically witty to write on his own. Like the retarded schoolboy Chris seems to deduct me as, I'll obediently take his advice. He anticipated his family would find substantial amusement over my mentioning of items that have recently pissed me off (basically you folks laughing at my expense). Being the retarded schoolboy that I am, having you laugh at me is the greatest value I have to offer you (plus I'm used to it).

This may come as a shocker, but I'm not a real big fan of physical pain, particularly in the cerebral area. Nevertheless, this is exactly what I received from the enormous creature we call Zach. He told me that he had just talked to his Dad. He said his Dad told him to tell everybody "hello" and "slap John on his bald head." To the chagrin of my noggin, Zach relayed the message physically before verbally. Zach's reply, "hey man, don't kill the messenger." Now that my head has stopped ringing like a Salvation Army Christmas bell, I can think clearly enough to realize that it was Mike's way of warmly saying a special "hello" for me, which makes me feel good. Unfortunately, that special "hello" had to pass through the medium of a "Zach-hole" resulting in what I diagnose as a mild concussion (all jokes aside Zach didn't really hit me and let Mike know I return the "hello").

Let's get back to uncharted territory that I like to refer to as the truth. One thing that truly "grinds my gears" (to borrow a Peter Griffin phrase) is Koreans obsessive amount of spitting. I don't know if Chris has mentioned this to you (that would require me to read the blog), but the loogies here are out of control. Worse yet, all ages do it (not just the old who have earned the right to be jerks, but ages of people who haven't, especially babies). Even worse yet, spitting is gender impartial (nothing like seeing Miss Sexy turn into Mr. Ed after releasing large quantities of germ infected liquid from her mouth). Finally worst yet, the place is irrelevant. You see spit outside on the sidewalk, inside on the floor, in the elevator, in the sanctuary, and even in the holy water. Maybe this is some sort of circular justice. Those babies being baptized are just going to have to lie in the bed that they've spat in.

Korean students stink! I mean that in the literal sense of the word. Some of my classes make a football locker room smell like Acqua Di Gio. Trying to get them to use deodorant is like trying to get Mark Mangino to eat a vegetable. Koreans are like "you know what"-holes, they all have one and they all stink. Koreans eat loudly! It's no wonder that the man who once held the world record in eating hot dogs was Asian. Koreans would make a caveman look like he eats with the gracefulness of an English queen. The worst part about it is when teachers eat at school (which they always do). I can't get any work done because I'm being distracted by the eating orchestra. I have important things to do like chatting on facebook or watching youtube clips of midgets fighting monkeys.

Koreans' stinginess with the condiments irritate me like a rash south of the belly button. I'm a big fan of ketchup. At McDonalds, you're lucky to get one package (no dispensers anywhere mind you). That one package lasts me my first three fries, then, what the hell am I supposed to do? I go up and politely ask for some more ketchup, so they hand me one more package. Great, three more fries are taken care of. Keeping my cool, I say, "Umm no. Sorry, you don't understand. I'm going to need a lot of ketchup." They smile and say, "so sorry." They come back with two more packages of ketchup. I proceed to explain to them why they need ketchup dispensers, but they don't know what the word "dispenser" means. Ten minutes later after talking to a 17 year old Korean McDonald worker and unsuccessfully translating to him the condiment obligation of fast food joints, I returned to my fries with my meager three ketchup packages. I still didn't have nearly enough ketchup, but my fries were ice cold by this point, so it didn't matter.

I'm not usually one to complain, but those are a few things that "grind my gears" in Korea. I wish everybody a Merry Christmas.

The Big Fat, Hairy Frog Part 1

I have had problems writing about subjects that are fascinating. I have had writer's block on the DMZ, the weekend Meg and I spent at a Buddhist monastery, and Guam. The DMZ and the monastery were truly special events, and to be honest, I cannot do them justice with my amateur writing skills. I just want to type, "You have to see it, you just have to be there, it was neat." Well, I am forcing myself to write about them right now, in an effort to Eat that Frog.

Guam

Alright I don't remember how much I touched on Guam during the beginning of this blog, but Guam was awful. Guam, the place where Americans first raise, the place where the sun first hits America, the place that isn't really America at all. When I was in Europe, many of the Irish people I worked with would jokingly call America the home of the 48 states, because Alaska and Hawaii don't count. What does that make Guam? Everything in that little island made me mad.

We got off the plane; we had been flying all day. The flight to Hawaii was 10 hours, and then the flight to Guam was another 10 or so. Hell, we even went to Chicago or Houston from Saint Louis before making the flight to Hawaii*. I was on a plane long enough to give Al Gore an ulcer from my massive carbon footprint. We arrived in Guam and immediately went to the airport help desk, because WE WERE IN GUAM. Guam has a wiki page as big as Harrisonville Missouri's. We didn't know what to do; my only information on Guam was my grandpa told me there were no birds on the island because snakes ate all their eggs. Well, I saw birds when the airplane was taxiing down the runway, so that little golden conversation nugget was immediately thrown out the window. No knowledge of the island, and I mean none, but I had a gut feeling that the residents of Guam would be extremely friendly. That's the reputation of island folk anyway.

*It's been a long time since I had to fly all those hours. Now, that I think about it was it Atlanta we flew from or was it Denver...

The helpful man at the desk really did us wonders. We approached him apprehensively, knowing that he spoke English, but having to convince ourselves at the same time.* We weren’t prepared to say the least. We told him that we need to go to this address and pointed at the address on a note card. He told us in perfect English, that we need to go to the Marina hotel. He said that it was 50 dollars a night. We said great! 50 bucks, we'll take. We have made TWO crucial mistakes within 10 minutes of our arrival in Guam.

1. Our first mistake was trusting the guy at the help desk, who spoke perfect English, and may or may not have had the ability to read English.

2. The second mistake was not taking advantage of our free hotel tab, since the teaching academy was going to pick up our hotel tab. I think we didn't really know if the company would pick up the tab, so we just really didn't trust it. Looking back, we placed our faith in the wrong person.

*Maybe it was our apprehension that pissed him off. Maybe he didn't like me because of his secret ability to know that I voted for Bush in 2004, and he hates Bush, and hates the fact that he does not have a vote in the matter. Maybe he thought we were military, and last week some Navy diver just stole his girlfriend, and this diver happened to have an uncanny resemblance to me. I don't know, but I think that he was up to something when he sent us to that shit hole they call Marina Hotel.

The ever so helpful clerk pointed us toward the taxi pick up and drop off place. We were greeted by a friendly Filipino immigrant who spoke like four languages, while being fluent in maybe one of them, and of course it wasn't English. I told him Marina Hotel. He said Hyatt. I told him Marina Hotel, and he said Hamilton. I told him Marina Hotel and he said Marriott. After four more similar exchanges, he asked me if I was sure. He told me that the popular hotels are along the beach. He pointed in the direction of these "popular" hotels and then pointed in the opposite direction towards my sweet Marina. I should have picked up on the many subtle and not so subtle hints that the Marina was away from the action, away from the good beaches, and more likely than not the Marina was going to be a shit hole, but being the optimistic/gullible person that I am, I knew that it would be close to the Korean Immigration office, and any beach would be a short cab ride away. I couldn't even find Guam on the map two days ago; it has to be about the size of Harrisonville right? We could walk!

The next part of the story reminds me of A Boy Named Sue. The cabbie basically dropped us off, said good luck, and KNEW we were going to have to get tough or die! My American pampered ass got dropped off in the worse damn hotel I've ever stayed in, including some questionable hostels in Europe. The worst part about it was that the ride from the airport cost about 35 dollars. You would think that we traveled for twenty five minutes or more to accumulate such a large bill. Noooooo more like ten minutes. Just getting in a taxi cost 6 bucks. Everything on that damn island was very expensive, probably due to the fact that it is in the middle of nowhere. There is an expression BFE, well it should be BFG.

I slept off the anger of the crummy hotel, and looked forward to going to the Korean Embassy which was located near our sweet Marina. The bugs crawling under my sheets gave me a nice massage, anyway, so I got a good night sleep. Well, the morning came as it always has in my first 23 years of existence, and with the help of our hotel desk clerk we headed in the direction of the Korean embassy. Only both the airport help guy and our hotel receptionist sent us to the American embassy. We are now standing in-line with a bunch of non-American citizens renewing their visas, while we are struggling to even get to the Korean embassy. We Were Sent To The Wrong Embassy! We got a new lead on the location of the Korean embassy, so after 25 dollars and five minutes in a taxi we landed right in front of the Korean embassy.

We were interviewed by a Korean who asked us simple questions, but we didn't have the answers. This was a last minute deal. 10 minutes and 20 questions later, I have Meg breaking down because of this man's rudeness and a very real frustration with the process that has been taking place. My Korean company originally gave us a date sometime in early June, now we are in Guam maybe around the 18th of July. They delayed us about a month and a half. Then they sent us NO information of the company or where we would be living, because they needed us so quickly and the details weren’t that much of a priority, I guess. This guy was a dick and had no understanding of our situation at all.

“Hey prick, you ride in a plane for 30 hours, then talk your shit!” I didn't say that, but I should have. The Korean Embassy was full of two applicants: Meg and I. The American embassy, on the other hand, was just like every other government department: busy with customers, unorganized, and awful. Here's the funny thing, I'll take the latter as opposed to some jerk making us feel awful. Not to mention that all those people wanted to go work in America and not in Korea. If there was a time that I thought I made an awful mistake, then that was it, right on the northeast side of BFG.

The mean Korean who was apparently tired of our ignorance sent in his partner who was a younger, nicer man. He told us to come back in at the end of the day for our visa. Outside of the Embassy, we looked around and saw The Hyatt, The Hamilton, and Marriot, literally hundreds of feet from this hell hole embassy. Hopefully you are beginning to see why I hate Guam.

The cab ride back to the shit hole i.e. sweet Marina was another 25 dollars, then the cab ride back to the hell hole i.e. Korean Embassy was another 25, and then back to the shit hole, and then another 30 to the airport. That’s how I kept track of my Guam experience, one expensive cab ride after another. Oh yeah, I experienced a torrential downfall while walking around, had the worse upset stomach of my life (up to that point, it has been exceeded) and I swam in the Ocean near the shit hole, which I later found out to be sewage water. Oh yeah, Guam is a good time, you should go there and stay in the Marina Hotel, and ask the airport desk man for help. Don’t forget to take as many taxi rides as you can!

DMZ pictures

A difference

I have seen 7 movies in Korea, and I've come up with a unique way to tell if I liked the movie. If I really liked the movie, then something different happens once the lights come on. I completely forget my surroundings, and am shocked to see that I am one of two non-Asians in the theater. (Meg being the other) Think about it for a second, when you are watching a good movie the world disappears. So, once those lights turn on, I am expecting to see a bunch of white people rushing out to the parking lot to drive home, not a bunch of Asians rushing to an elevator.* During a good movie, I forget that I am in Asia. Bad movies, well, I remember that I am in Asia. I know that I will stand out walking toward the elevator. I know exactly where I am, there is no "escapism" for bad talking pictures.

* Most movie theaters are on the top floors of department stores. The movie theater I go to is on the 11th and 12th floor, so there is not way I am hoofing down to the bottom, and no one else is thinking about walking either. This results in a rat race to the elevator, pure pandemonium. I don't think I have caught the first elevator yet!!


My DMZ post will be later this week, once I load the pictures that I took.

Turkey Day minus the turkey

We are a day ahead of all of you back home, so Happy Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving, a day of thanks, a day of pilgrims, a day of feasts, a day of football, has to be one of my favorite holidays. It kicks off the holiday season, my favorite time of the year!

There are a few parallels between my current situation and those pilgrims from yesteryear. On one hand, you have a bunch of foreigners fighting everyday for survival in a world so alien. On the other, you have the pilgrims. I mean, they were all buddy buddy with the natives. They had Pocahontas, or was she in Jamestown. Okay I am kidding. We have it soooo easy.

We work from 3 to 11. They are strange hours. Zach did a little research and quickly found a wide arrange of different restaurants offering a Thanksgiving Day spread. The problem was that these buffets ALL started between 5 and 6 pm. We were SOL. We, as the pilgrims had done before us, decided to feast on what we had on hand. I sent out an e-mail to about 10 people. Meg, Doug, and I were the only ones at the meet up spot at the meeting time, everyone else no showed. We were going to head to Gecko's, a place that Zach picked out, but we didn't know how to get there without him. A familiar sign saved the disappointing turn out: Outback Steakhouse! It turned out that three others actually went to Gecko’s and we just missed them by a few minutes. I don’t know why they didn’t call us, but I am happy with our decision to go to Outback. Hey, if given the option of steak or turkey I’m pretty sure the pilgrims would’ve taken the latter. It’s not my fault they were struggling to survive grueling hardships. I had a glorious American meal, from (I think) an American chain with two great people.

Here is the most memorable part of the whole experience. Mind you, we are in a family restaurant. All restaurant chains play music. Italian chains play Frank Sinatra, seafood chains play Jimmy Buffet, and steakhouse chains are supposed to play country western music. Well, apparently that part of “Opening an Outback Franchise Manual” didn’t translate well in Korean. This particular store was playing hip-hop. I was tempted to write blasting hip-hop, but I thought that might be a little over kill. Now, after looking back at that sentence, playing hip hop at a loud level sounds just about perfect. Strange I know, but it gets stranger. They were playing un-edited hip-hop. Needless to say, there was a lot of cursing going on in a pretty nice restaurant. Teachers like me must not be doing a good job because no one seemed to notice at all. It was very weird. The service was great. The waiter spoke English, and was there for our every beckoning. I use to think tipping makes servers better, because they strive for a bigger tip. But the service over here is just great, and we never have to tip. This debunks my entire theory. Also, the fast food is better over here (except for the French Fries, which are often not fresh). The sandwiches are more consistent and very fresh, so it might just be that the Korean workforce is better. I don’t know.

Random Thought: The only place I have seen turkey over here is Quizzno's. They never have any deli meats besides ham. Pork, chicken, and beef are the only meat options.

Update:
10 more days until two of Meg’s friends come to Seoul! Meg got three recruits for the December term.

If Mizzou beats KU this weekend, and the winner of the Big 12 South the following weekend, then they will get a great BCS bowl game. The Fiesta!!! All is not lost, but that Oklahoma State loss at home still stings.

DYK- I am now an author of three books. These are work books, but they have been published. I am kind of a big deal. Working on a fourth as we speak. Meg, by the way, might be published in a magazine called Working Abroad. Here is the address.

Poker Tuesday: I got third, 5th, and 2nd place out of 6 people this past Tuesday.

We are heading to the DMZ this weekend. I'll tell you all about it next week.

Here are some funny pics

I got sidetracked today. Here are some funny pics I found.

Shocking

My students will often say explicit words in class. I have heard that the most exported words in the English language are okay and other four letter words. I feel like a parent in these situations. How should I discipline these youngsters for cussing? Do they know what the word means and how offensive it is? I always try to uphold a decent classroom, meaning I try to make it a good learning environment, so I usually scold them while trying to educate them on the word they just used.

One of my fellow co-workers had quite the amusing story today. Her students were supposed to pick emotions, and then act them out like Gestures. One little boy, a nine year old, picked the emotion shocked. He then yelled, "Oh Fuck!" He then proceeded to grab his own throat and strangle himself. He was then dead. That was his act. Shocked would be the right emotion, especially for the teacher! How do you discipline that? Where do you begin?

Alright here is a list of how people have gotten to this site via google searches. These are the only ones I have documented. This is just interesting to me probably.

• If you type in Brookersider Bar

This is funny. I misspelled the bar name. It's Brooksider. Someone else made the same mistake and wound up here. Worst mistake of their life.

• dumaytravels

Easy enough right. Someone was looking for this blog. You have to type it all in one word though.

• imos pizza posnanski

This is just a funny search. Imos pizza is my favorite pizza in the world, and Posnanski is my favorite writer who happens to hate Imos. This was also a random search.

• Korean skyscrappers 2008 pusan

Well, once again there is a mistake in my writing, and the searchers. Pusan is officially (I think) spelled Busan. And of course I misspelled skyscrapers.

The moral of this is: make sure you have the right spellings of what you are searching for or you could end up in a dead end site like this!!!

Random Tidbits

• The bartender that trained me way back in the day at ol' Longhorn has moved on to bigger and better things. He has started a website that I find very interesting. Check out this video of what food looks like in heaven. Not bad production values chef Billy.
• We had our first snow in Seoul, so yeah it's cold. It was more of a rain snow, but I saw flakes none the less. Here is my question to you: Do Seoul's massive skyscraper's help reduce wind or make it worse? That is the million dollar question that keeps me up at night.
• The Rave

Well, I've done it. I finally had a big club experience. It was exactly what I thought it was going to be like. We got their too early at around 10:00, not a good thing when the cheapest drink on the menu is 7 dollars. The dance floor reminded me of a video game, namely Sims. Everyone was about evenly spaced, just dancing to the music the same way, and there was no interaction. Some people were looking at the DJ and some were looking at the guests coming into the club. It just looked awkward. By about 1:00 at night, it was hard to walk.

The funniest thing of the night came early. We were debating where we wanted to go in the club, when a Korean lady approached us. This club is loud, really loud. It is so loud that North Korea could drop nuke on Seoul, and I would not hear it. You could stand six inches away from me and yell in my ear, and I simply could not hear what you said. So this young lady walks up to Meg and starts yelling something. She then offers me her hand, and I shake it. She then yells, "You can dance on the speakers!" After she left, I looked at Meg and yelled, "Where are these speakers she's talking about?"

I am not going to lie, I was moderately interested in dancing on some big speakers. Meg just stared at me with a puzzled look, "What speakers? She said, she's here to help English Speakers!"

So, yeah it was loud. I had a buzzing in my ears for the next two days! The next morning I swore off big clubs. The 9th best DJ in the world, had opening acts, and didn't get on stage till like 2:30 am.* I didn't know DJ's had opening acts. Apparently, they're kind of a big deal. He came out, (should I reword that) and was good, but I can't tell if he was any better than the three spinners before him. Whatever. My ears hurt, my dancing shoes were broken, (due to this electronic dance pop garbage) and those seven dollar shots of tequila were settling in, so I decided to save my good dance moves for another day. We left around 4 a.m.

I felt like Dorthy just writing that sentence, "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore." Bars close before 2:30 back home, and things just start getting good at 2:30 here. Yes, I am a long ways from home.

The next day I woke up, as you can imagine, in a pretty grim state. I sauntered down to Meg's room only to find her gone, but she left me a note. She was gone to buy some boots for winter. I then flipped on the television. Here's the deal: we only get one channel in English. It's called AFN. It stands for the Armed Forces Network, if it isn't obvious enough for you, then it's for the military.

I have no idea how they pick the shows they do, but whatever they pick we're stuck with, because it's the only channel in English. Weekday afternoon's it's Judge Judy, Dr Phil, and soap operas. At night it's Jay Leno, David Letterman, and Craig I can't spell his last name. This particular morning I flipped on the tele to find Extreme Makeover Home Edition. And, wow, all I got to say is that show should come with a disclaimer: "All masculinity will be thrown out the window, while watching this show. Men, leave now the room now if your credibility could in anyway be jeopardized." or "Go to a dark place by yourself, and never talk about what happened."

So, and I blame my condition, a condition of ringing ears, hunger, grogginess, and a small headache. But that show got to me. This little girl had cancer, and her days were limited, but she was a fighter. She thought that she was going to beat it again for the second time. She also went to the hospital to help other children. She meant so much to her family, and her family and given up everything to help her battle cancer. So I'm watching this sensitive stuff early in the morning, and I battling not to lose it.

There are no other channels, so flipping the channel is not an option. Turning the TV off was an option, but I wanted to see that damn house finished. The emotional music cued and I welled up like Dick Vermiel. Extreme Makeover Home Edition and Armageddon are cemented in my do not watch list around other people, yet I have just disclosed this information to the ten people who read this thing.

• Poker Night

Last Tuesday was our first poker night. There were six people in my room all playing Texas Hold-em. After reading the table and its patrons, I knew that there were two good players, one novice, (me) and two newbies. It was a five dollar buy-in tournament, with an option to buy back in, and I managed to get second place in the tournament without having to buy back in. I was happy. The winner was going to pay for a cab to McDonald's. I went in my closet to grab a sweater. The sweater I pulled out was like two sizes to small, and it had a little hole on the arm. Apparently, just like a high maintenance woman, my sweater travelled very poorly, so I sold it to John for a Big Mac.

The best trade I ever made in my life! John ended up wearing the sweater to work the next day. Here is his story:
kids- Teacher did you get a new sweater?
John- Yes
kids- then why does it have a hole in it?
John- Well, I bought someone a big mac for it.

That's just funny.

• Meg and I saw the movie Taken. We went to it with out any reviews of the movie. In fact, we didn't even know what it was about period. We didn't have any expectations, so we were pleasantly surprised. Plus it's fun to make up your own opinions without any influence from others. I am going to try and see more movies this way.
• Meg got another side job offered to her. I'm starting to think I might be dating a star. A recruiter offered her the chance to tutor a Chief Operating Officer for LG. She will get paid like 40 dollars an hour while working two hours a week, if she chooses to accept. That will be her second side hustle.

I am sorry to hear that Cotton passed away. He was a good dog for many, many years.

Paepaero

Here is a funny exchange I just had with a Korean:


Me: "Samantha, how do you spell Paepaero?"


Samantha: "Pae..."


Me: "What?"


Samantha:"Pae...Pae...Ro"


Me: "One more time"


Samantha: Pae...Pae...Write this down...Ro. Maybe* Pae Pae Lo sounds better.


Me: PaePaeRo or PaePaeLo?


Samantha: PaePaeRo.


So as you can see sometimes you have to be patient. Remember, Korean's say their B's and P's remarkably similar, so the whole time in my head I thought that this was Baebaero day. B's and P's are similar phonetically, so I can understand this mistake. They also say l's and r's the same, and I have no idea why those letters are hard for them.





*Maybe. This is one of the most commonly used words by Koreans. They use it to begin half their sentences. It has different meaning too. I have yet to fully grasp all the meanings that maybe can connotate. Sometimes it means yes, sometimes no, sometimes it's what they want to do, "Maybe, go to Seoul Pub and then Lofts." and sometimes it's what they think you want to hear, "Maybe, fried chicken." I don't get it.





Needless to say, I am not very confident that I spelled this holiday correctly. Paepaero is a cracker stick coated in chocolate. This holiday was set up by a company every 11/11 to sell more chocolate. This is a brilliant marketing device, but pretty shameless at the same time. I felt conflicted buying these chocolate sticks for Meg. On one hand, I want to take part in Korean culture, but I don't really like the concept of this particular holiday. It's like Valentine's Day, you exchange crackers with crushes and friends.



Okay, Samantha just brought over a box of the candy coated sticks, it's PePeRo. She claims, "it's spelled wrong." Translation can be a fickle thing, but I am siding with Lotte on this one, Samantha.



Think about this: every major holiday is consumer driven. If it's not consumer driven then it's not a real popular holiday. Christmas you buy gifts, Thanksgiving you buy food, Halloween you buy candy, Valentine's Day (Mother's and Father's Day too) you go out to eat, Easter you buy crap, and even holidays like Labor and Memorial day you go on a vacation or have a BBQ. Martin Luther King's day, Veteran's Day, and Earth Day are holidays off the top of my head that aren't consumer driven. These holiday's have great reasons for existence, they just don't get a lot of attention. Okay, that's the rambling thought of the month.



Meg is doing great work with her "side hustle". She has about six candidates lined up. I think she really likes recruiting. She loves it here, and I think her enthusiasm rubs off on others. It is remarkable really, in about ten days she has 6 recruits! Keep it up Meg and you can buy me a computer for Christmas! It might also have something to do with the current conditions in America too. I read that it takes around five months for the average unemployed job seeker to find employment. College loans start up in 6 months so that's cutting it pretty close.


This weekend Meg and I are going to see the 9th best DJ in the world, according to DJ Mag. This should be an interesting experience. I have NEVER been a real club guy, but I have never been to a rave either! Here is his website.

Lastly here is pic of a Pepero stand.

The Halloween

Halloween isn't just a child's holiday, I quickly learned this in college. With men salivating every October it's no wonder why this has become one of the most popular holidays, the chocolate is just so good! The real reason of course is the naughty nurses, naughty teachers, naughty librarians, and well, you get the picture, Halloween is an excuse for ladies to dress promiscuous, causing me to pledge a faithful alliance to the dark holiday. Somewhere along the history of this holiday, women got the idea to take advantage of the costume thing.

As I have come to learn, many things are opposite here in Korea, the best example being nay. Nay means no in English, here it means yes. Patrolling the streets of Seoul on Halloween night, something just didn't add up t. The air was chilly, there was defiantly excitement in the air, but something was just off. Was it pumpkins, leaves cahnging there colors, or candy? Or, colud it of been the fact that men had less clothing on than women. I saw Micheal Phelps clad in just a speedo, swim cap, and eight chocolate gold medals. I saw some Asian man wearing a diaper and huge angel wings. So the men wore less than the women, and that's not even counting the skimpy little number I was wearing!

Say hello to the new President of America Meg!

Fan Death to the left

Peace Man

The Pros and Cons of Teaching in Korea

Here is a pro and cons list of coming to Korea:

Pros

1. This is a continuation of college, by that I mean little responsibility.
2. The compensation is more than sufficient. The cost of living in Seoul is very affordable. The only expensive thing in Seoul is the real estate, which happens to be taken care of by the teaching academies/public schools. It is very easy to get by, here's an example of a typical night out: 1 dollar subway ride to your destination, 8 dollar nice dinner, (drinks are $2.50-3.50) and then a taxi ride home split between people usually costs around 4 dollars.* So depending on how much you drink, it's very reasonable.
3. No expenses- You have to fork up about 100 dollars every month in utilities, that's it. Think about the savings, no car payment, no car insurance, no gasoline, and no rent. Health insurance is very cheap, and I have a ten dollar a month cell phone plan.
   
4. Save Money- see above. Many people I have run across have saved money for master programs or more schooling when they go back home. If you're thinking about extending your education, this would be a great place to get a head start.
5. Pay College Loans- Get a good start paying back those ugly monsters.
6. Seoul- Seoul is the second biggest city in the world. It's huge. There is stuff going on all the time.
7. Learn a new culture and language- talk about expanding your horizons, Asia is the on the opposite side of the culture spectrum than western culture.
8. Travel- See the rest of this side of the world. If I don't get to visit two other countries on this experience, I will be extremely disappointed in myself. First up, Thailand and Laos!
9. The Resume- Employers want to see global experience and while this might not be the ideal experience, it is an experience none the less.
10. Good Job- There is minimal stress related when working this job. It's easy and it can be fun.

*While it is hard to spend a lot of money in Korea, it can be done. The majority of streets in Seoul have claw machines. These are really bright and big claw machines. The prizes aren't just stuffed animals, these aren't kids claw machines. The prizes are fancy butane lighters and cell phones and then they have random prizes like underwear. Crazy I know. Last night, I was walking down the street with about seven guys. We ran into a street carnival, equipped with air guns, punching bags, (You basically wind-up and hit the bag as hard as possible, and it rates your punch, on a scale of 1000) and other carny games.

The punching bag was a money drainer to say the least. With that much testosterone in a ten foot radius, money was flying in that machine to see who could hit the bag the hardest. After about 6 dollars (split between us) we learned that there is some strategy to it. A straight stiff, straight right was our model. After about 8 dollars and a nearly broken wrist, I had the high score at 8942. But the high score ever was 9357, (I'm speaking for myself here, but I think we wanted that high score or at least 9000.) so after 15 dollars and sore wrists the group moved on to head butting the bag for bragging rights. This is of course after playing darts for about three hours. I have never been around such competitive people in my life! After twenty dollars, sore wrists, and headaches the group disbanded to go home. Here was the summary of my spending on that night: 1 buck for the subway, 1 dollar for the street corn dog, 1.50 for the chicken on a stick, 4 dollars for darts, 10 dollars for beer, 3 dollars for the bag, 5 dollars for the taxi to McDonald's, and $6.75 at Mikey D's. 4 hot cakes, a Sausage Egg McMuffin, and hash browns always end the night with an explanation mark!* 30 dollars for all that fun, and the majority of the expenses were not necessary by any means! I have a sprained wrist to prove it.

Wait, the asterisk was going to be about how taxi's are so cheap. You could go to Columbia from Kansas City for 40 dollars in a taxi, based on Seoul taxi rates. No probably not, but you can go from one end of Seoul to the other for 20 bucks. Not bad at all, especially with five people in the cab. Then, remember that the cabs are basically roller coasters, that's worth the price of admission alone.

**McDonald's has the best breakfast fast food. I just want to quash the debate that Hardee's is better right now! Actually, my wrist hurts maybe another time.

Cons

1. Teaching kids can be frustrating. It tests your patience. Sometimes you have to sing and dance to get any reactions at all, and other times you have to slam fists on desks to get them to stop talking.
2. Seoul- This is a big city. It has some dirty aspects about it. The sidewalk etiquette is absurd, just awful.
3. Korean's have poor manners. They are in a hurry and will bump into to you. This is a future post.
4. THE WON- The won has lost 20% of it's value to the dollar this year and is extremely volatile. Things are looking better, because the won was down like 32%. This will undercut your savings if this performance doesn't hange.
5. Homesick- This isn't the States/whatever your home is. I have not watched one Chiefs or Royals game and just one MU game in 3 and 1/2 months. The food, while extremely delicious, can be boring after awhile. It would be similar to eating Mexican food everyday for 3 months. That sounds like it would be very good, but trust me, it'll get old after a while. There are a few ethnic restaurants. The driving can be scary. It just takes a little bit of adjustment.
6. North Korea could blow up Seoul. Not likely at all, that's what I tell myself at least, and we have a spot in the subway with a shank and canned food and bottled water, and...

Alright here is my summation: My generation is not going to be able to retire... ever, or at the best case scenario 85, so why not take advantage of youth and do something bold. Korean's have generally liked me, and they generally like Americans. America is the reason South Korea is what it is today, it's easy to rail on America's wars in the Middle East, but it worked here in Korea. The average South Korean is three inches taller than the average North Korean. They have a good life because of American intervention, and there's a token amount of respect for that reason. Sometimes I'm completely shocked at how I get treated, I have received tons of free stuff, I stayed with a family in a Buddhist temple, and random people want to get their picture taken with me. I'm just an ordinary Joe, too.

I have the rest of my life to figure out what I want to do, and I know that a cubicle is not in my calling right now. Just like the stock market, my emotions on Korea can be a roller coaster, but there is no doubt in my mind that this has been a good idea.

Pictures of my Birthday

Check out the album of my party. I'll put more picture up later.

These are my favorite pictures though:

The PC Room Comparison

Meg's laptop is no longer charging up, which provides a little dilemma for our weekend Internet needs. The solution has become going to PC Bongs. These are basically computer labs that cost a little less than a dollar per hour. Hooked up to ultra fast Internet, I'm ready to go.

The sights, smells, and sounds that accompany a trip to a PC Bong are one of a kind. Here is an observation list:

1) I have never seen a woman in here except for Meg, so I'll conservatively estimate a 95% men to women ratio

2) The average age is 17

3) The place smells like a mix between ramen noodles, cigarettes, and BO. The noodles are sold here and you can use a microwave, there is a smoking side but the ventilation is horrible so it wafts over into non, and body odor. Teenage boys playing games for hours in a non-ventilated room, need I say more.

4) They play RPG games. That's it. They're addicted, reminding me of that South Park episode. It's not crack, it's Starcraft.

5) The Sounds include all the sound effects of computer games. No one has headphones on, so with their computer volume blasting it becomes very loud. Picture a very crowded arcade, but every machine plays the same sound.


To be honest it reminds me of my freshman year of college with my roommate Dave, who never did anything but play computer games.

1) Girls were not over ever, our room maybe had a 90% men to women ratio. We were in an all male dorm though...(my excuse)

2) The average age was 18 and 1/2

3) Smelled like teen aged boys, one of whom has questionable hygiene* and pizza. Dave ordered a pizza every other day. Not joking either, IMO's was called more than every other number combined. We weren't smokers.

4) He played RPG games like 8 hours a day. It was a full time job.

5) Dave did wear headphones though. Thanks for the courtesy, Dave.

*Alright, I've been taking heat for the amount of showers I take during a week. No one has ever told me I shower too much, but I don't remember ever being criticized for the amount I shower this much. People gasp at the fact that I don't shower everyday. I, on average, shower 3.8 times a week. I figured this out because 80% of the time I shower 4 times a week, but every once in a while I'll just manage a meager three showers, in an attempt to save the whales and the citizens of Atlanta. Now that I'm working out, I average 5-6 showers a week. For my birthday, I have received a photo album, (from a Korean co-worker) a magnetic dart board, (from Keith and Theresa) a Korean traditional hand fan piece of art, (this is awesome, and it was given to me by the check-in lady at the gym) protein powder (from Meg, this is what I really wanted), a cake, (from the b0ss) and a louffa. Someone is trying to send a message here, and it's not that I need to hone my dart skills.

So, here I am surrounded by geeks once again, feeling right at home even though I'm trillions of miles away from it, and angry that the Won continues to suck, and even angrier that N. Korea plans on turning Seoul to rubble! To the subway, Meg! But it was a celebration of my life yesterday, so lets just push pass the negative. Last night was amazing because of the people who helped me celebrate it.

Here is some insight to my situation: Foreigners all have the same universal experiences while living in Korea, allowing people with nothing in common to come together. Many of my friends over here would not be my friends back home, because of different personalities. Either by working together, living near eachother, or simply because there aren't that many English speaking people, we're forced to overcome adversities in our relationships. This has been the most rewarding part of this journey. One day Meg and I will hang out with a double math major from Cornell, and the next day we'll hang out with somebody representing the opposite end of the spectrum, Zach. Holding one common bond with people has allowed me unique friendship experiences, and I bet this will also be the most beneficial aspect of this experience for the Career World. I'll be able to work with everybody.

The cast of characters that flanked me last night was a diverse group to say the least. There were four Koreans, two people with Asian ancestry, two African-Americans, an American with Middle East descent, and an Australian. I had an unforgettable day with over 15 friends.

The Gym

Body aroma masked with other fragrances, fluorescent lights, general anxiety, and a random Asian brazenly roaming around in his birthday suit to this day flood my senses as I remember walking through the Missouri University Recreational Center men's locker room. I have a year long membership to a gym here in Korea, and I have to say, I see way too many naked Asians. They seem to perfectly adept to being nude.

There's no shame in these Korean men. They prance here and there stark naked. Brush there teeth naked, get on the scale naked, spray their hair naked, and finish their stretches naked, which might be the most disturbing thing to see. Ever. They do the laundry naked, wash their car naked, tie their shoes naked, cook bacon naked, to be completely honest, the last thing these guys do is put on their clothes when getting ready. Maybe the majority of people's morning ritual includes being naked for an extended period of time, in PRIVATE. The scene in the men's locker room is Korea's best reenactment of a Roman bathhouse tragedy, minus the women.

I thought I had a personal trainer, but I don't. The trainers do take a interest in me more than others, because I am a rare foreigner in the gym, so they will assist me sometimes. I walked in on one of these trainers, during scene 21 of Roman Bathouse Korean Edition #11. Now, I don't want to lift a bunch of weight with H* standing over me. Even worse, grabbing me to correct my mangled lifting form into perfection. Some of these positions that lifting requires are awkward enough, add a trainer in a precarious position helping you, throw in the fact that you have just seen this man naked, a pinch of random stares, and you have a recipe for a newly converted gym homophobic.

*H is apparently his English name; he has a Hollister hat that reads H, I'm assuming he had that particular hat on one day and the boss was like
"All the other personal trainers have English names, you need one too. I don't care that you don't speak that much English, what name would you like?"
H (in Korean) - "I don't know any English names"
Boss (also in Korean, looking at his hat)- "How about H?"
And so it was done, the name H was born.

I now spend about one minute and fifteen seconds in the locker room, and I'm trying to cut it down another 25 secs.

Jamaica Album

Pictures courtesy Meg. This was our Jamaican vacation for spring break last year.

the continuation of the To be Continued

Disclaimer: After receiving some feedback, I want everyone to know that I don't drink that much. Maybe half of the posts I write contain some form of alcohol, but remember I only write one or two posts a week. So it may seem like I'm drinking a ton, but I'm not. In reality, this blog magnifies the amount of drinking done. In fact, I have never been healthier. I go to the gym four times a week. I eat more veggies and fruits than I ever have, and I drink 2 gallons of water everyday. Just because I'm at a bar doesn't mean that I am drunk, believe me I am never as bad as my Korean counterparts. The stories that contain alcohol are events that happen, and usually have a story worth telling. If I just wrote I woke up, watched "The Young and The Restless" taught some ornery kids, ate gimbap, watched Letterman, and went to bed. Would that interest you? That being said, this post contains alcohol.

The continuation of the To be Continued
After the tiring competition, we ate some pork belly and then headed home and fell immediately asleep. Right now you must be thinking, "why didn't he just finish that last sentence on his last entry?" Well, I am thinking the exact same thing myself. What a waste of a to be continued! Apparently, I had other ideas for the story, but I have lost them over the course of a week.

That Sunday we saw Hellboy 2, which was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I usually can watch and appreciate B movies too, this one was hard to stomach. The only American movies that come to Korea are action adventure and family movies though, so I'm sure I'll see some more duds. The plot had some historically bad love flings, the cheesiest dialogue, and bizarre characters. Star Wars characters look normal compared to these dudes. Awful. I really want to see the new Cohen brothers movie, Burn after Reading. One reviewer said it could develop a cult like following. Sound familiar anyone? If you have seen it please drop a comment.

Sometime before this weekend, Meg, John, Doug, and I were playing darts. We met a Korean man named Hyuksu. Doug and John left to go meet up with Zach, and we decided to stay because it was getting late. We wanted to stay closer to home. We talked and talked to Hyuksu. His English was way better than our Korean, but that is not saying much. Body language was the key to our communication. We ended up playing games and made plans to go out to dinner with him and the bartender. He actually lives just a few minutes away from us. We were like 15 minutes away from our home at the time, so it was pretty random in a big place like Seoul.

Well, true to his word, Hyuksu was in the lobby of our building at 4:00 with word that Duyoung (the bartender) was not going to be able to meet us. He took us (in his car) to our favorite place. The place that hosted Crazy Worker Party I and II. We ate great food.* Then he snatched up the bill, and simply refused our requests to pay for it or at least give him some money. We met up later at a western-style bar called Beatles.** We played more games, and relived the night we had the previous Thursday.

* The best part of the night was Hyuksu could hardly speak English at first. The obvious reason was he was sober. So, does drinking help when speaking a language? I think he needed booze to loosen up and not be afraid of making mistakes. Sure enough, he got better as the night progressed. This phenomenon reminds me of dancing, you may be a sloppy dancer while drinking but the inhibitions have been lowered and by God you're out there, in the middle of the floor, doing the Macarena with one hand on your hip and the other holding a beverage thinking to yourself, "I need a hat next to me, so I can get some money like those bums downtown. This show should come with a ticket price, it's that good! Yeah!!" So, at the end of the night Hyuksu was lecturing me on Korean history, American beef, melamine, and Kim Jung Il like he was a professor. His seminar didn't make much sense, but he's out there trying, speaking English like it was easy, holding a beverage in one hand waving the other madly, thinking to himself, "Man, I should charge these ignorant Americans money, this knowledge shouldn't be free, yeah I'm that good!
Liquid Courage...

This little tidbit was good too: he had an engagement to go to, and he was driving. While we were eating he refrained from drinking beer, but that didn't stop him from topping off his soju glass from time to time. Soju is of course stronger than beer, so you tell me if that makes sense. Koreans well, they're just different. They don't make sense a lot of times. He ended up taking the subway.

**Western-style bar just simply implies that it's a normal American bar. Korean HOFs (bars) require you to get food when you drink. This bar also has thousand and thousands of vinyl records. Comment some good song choices that I probably haven't heard in a while, please.

Side Note
Korean's don't throw away their waste from the bathroom, and by that I mean toilet paper. Gross, I know, but ask yourself, does it make sense? Anyways, I flush my paper. I don't know what kind of damage I'm doing to the sewage treatment center, but it can't be that bad. A toilet at work backed up on me and left me in quite a dilemma. I blame the toilet paper. First, came embarrassment, not this kind of embarrassment though. Next came the decision making process. Do I tell someone, do I try and find a plunger, do I flea the scene? Honestly, I just left the bathroom and prayed that a student would be blamed for my surprise. Nothing ever came of it though.

That's what is going on over on this side of the world, I went to a monastery last weekend. I'll post about it later on in the week. Check out the pictures down below.

Budha Pictures

Here is last weekend given to you in a web album.

Europe Photos

Here is a little album I put together. London, Ireland, and Spain photos are in here.

Pictures of the Festivity

Tug of War to the right

Balloon Stomp above

Team Jump Rope

Group Photo (above) With a couple of people, you could throw it very far.

Zach is wearing the black shirt, and I'm wearing the striped blue shirt. (below)

Great action shot below.

Arts and Crafts Time

Our scenic mountain on the right

The games that is too hard to describe. We'll see if a picture is really worth a thousand words.

Statues and whathaveyou

I forgot my camera

11:00 p.m. Friday Night Sushi house
Because of our predicament, an early morning event, my boss and I had a talk about the festivities of the night. She tried to give the foreign teacher crew a curfew, and we politely declined. Each side gave a compelling argument, but since we held the language advantage we were able to convince her otherwise. 2:00, which was the curfew, may sound late, but when you're getting off of work at 11:00 it's just three hours.

The night began with a tray of assorted raw fish appetizers, es-car-got, and other snail like creatures. I indulged in it all, not necessary because I like it or even might like it, but because I like eating weird stuff and telling people about it. The next plate was a plate full of sushi. Not normal sushi either. This is raw fish. Raw fish and an assortment of sauces. You can also wrap it in lettuce if your heart desires. There is no roll, no rice, no veggies, no California in the name, no avocados, just raw fish. It's really good too. They also delivered calamari at this point. Really big fried squid tentacles, and guess what, the Koreans did not like calamari, (it's too cheap compared to an expensive plate of raw fish) so I feasted.

There was soju and mackju and somack (a combination of the two) and Korean drinking games that I may or may not have participated in. There were chants and cheers. There were spitwads flying at mirrors, resembling a scene from Billy Madison much more so than an office party.

2:30 a.m. Noribong
We sang our hearts out as if we were in the finals of Korean Idol.

3:30 am Apartment
In the convenience store at the bottom of our building, we were busy preparing for the next day by aggressively detoxing the liver. This involves Morning Care, lots of water, and ice cream. Morning Care is a gross drink that Koreans swear will cure your hangover. It tastes like medicine and it costs $4.5o, which is expensive over here. Water is essential when trying to cleanse the body. The ice-cream, well it just sounded good at 3:30 in the morning. This trio of treats was sure to get me off to a good start at 8:30 in the morning. Right?

8:15 a.m Saturday Apartment

Well, a train apparently hit me in my sleep. My trio did nothing to prevent my present condition. Morning Care, just like every other hangover prevention medicine, is a load of dung. This is just what I've heard, I have no experience in this matter. I'll tell you what does work though: McDonald's. It just so happened that the bus was picking us up right in front of a McDonald's. And we ate. I love McDonald's for their breakfasts, and I have never scarfed down a hasbrown as fast as I did that morning. I have for the most part been deprived of great greasy treats, and my condition was less than stellar. After Mickey D's and a little cat nap, I felt good.

10:45: Somewhere on a Mountain

We finally arrived at what was basically a boy scouts camp. Hundreds of Korean cub scouts lined the paths of a pretty Korean hillside. We had a competition between the foreign teachers. Once again Zach was pitted against John, Meg, and myself. It was his academy versus ours. Games included the usual suspects like tug of war and a group jump rope competition. Then there were new games. One game was essentially volleyball with no rules, but a 20 pound ball the size of a full grown midget. Basically a huge ball that was filled with air. It was soft and big. There was no spiking of this ball, in fact, if you tried to hit it with just one hand it would hardly move. That proved to be an embarrassment for me on more than one occasion.

The first time I hit the ball as hard as I could. My arm moved further than the ball, just in the opposite direction, right into another guys face. With his nose bent and a fat lip, Brian hung in there and tried to help the team. We ended up losing this game for a multiple of reasons. Here is a list of excuses why we failed to win:

1) We had three children running around on our side of the court. These were the director's children, so we had to embrace 'em. Zach's team had zero kids.

2) The other side had more men on their side, although half of the team was gay. I am not joking or exaggerating either. Zach works with maybe five homosexual men. That is starting to look like less of an advantage as I sit here typing. Okay, scratch that.

2) My team was hung over. No, that doesn't work either. I'm sure they were hungover as well, this is Korea after all.

Okay they won. Why do I need multiple excuses in the first place? They didn't have any kids. That's it. That's why we lost.

We also lost Jump Rope, and a balloon stomping contest. The balloon contest is where everyone runs around kicking and stomping like madmen. The goal is to pop other peoples balloons, while protecting your own balloons. The balloons are attached below the knee and around the ankle. Everyone has two balloons. I never stomped anybodies balloon. I was horrible. We won tug of war, literally pulling Zach in our direction like a rag doll. We also won another contest, but it's too hard to explain.

To Be Continued

Busy Weekend

I'm finishing up my final week of easy work before the grind begins all over again, but I have some good news. Tonight, we are having another work party. To remind you, here is what they entail.

So expect another boozy filled night of stories, lost in translation moments, and good food. This time we're going out for Sushi and Saki. Should be a blast. I have a camera now, so I'll take lots of pictures. I'm also going to take pics of the classroom and students. This should give you a better understanding of my environment.

On Saturday, every foreign teacher in the entire corporation (10+ schools) is getting the privilege to go on a field trip. The problem is the timing. We have a company party on Friday night, and those get crazy. It starts at 11:30 at night, who knows when it will end. Then we have to wake up by 8:30 a.m. to get to the bus by 9:30 am! Will we make it? I'll put the line at +110, to get some action.* I think this might be some type of cruel joke our big bosses are playing on us.

*Alright am I an addicted gambler? Here are the questions I must ask myself:
Do I have a gambling problem?
You may have a gambling problem if you:

Neglect work or family to gamble
Yes, I am guilty of this. I neglect both work and Meg quite often. I study sports while at work all the time, and then bet at work. That has to be a case of addiction.
Gamble in secret
I do it in the open, right at my office computer.
Lie about how much you gamble
No, I'm open about it. I read on a site that only 1 percent of sports gamblers win over the long run. I have also read how sports betting could be a worthwhile investment. How could only one percent of investors making money be considered a worthwhile investment?
Feel compelled to keep upping your bets
Not yet...
Feel remorse after gambling
Sure! Who likes to lose money? If you didn't feel a touch of remorse, then you don't value money.
Gamble until you’ve spent your last dollar
No. I put 100 dollars in 5 months ago, and I still am playing with that money.
Gamble with money you need to pay bills
Yes, my free rent and lack of automobile payments takes a beating.
Steal, borrow, or sell things to get money for gambling
Yes, I snatch money from Meg's purse everyday.
Dream of the "big win" and what it will buy

Everynight...
Okay, okay, I am not addicted. This stuff is all exaggerated. I would not let myself gamble at work. It's a funny joke, when I lose my original 100 dollars, because it will happen, I will quit.

I did send this message to Tyler though, who asked me about sports betting: "I would highly recommend sports gambling! It is fun, that being said, I think you know that there are some risks associated with it, you laugh now, but have you ever had the gambling hunger, I recommend starting with a small sum of money that you are not afraid to lose and just test the waters." Too bad there wasn't a question on persuading friends.

The field trip will consist of Korean bar-b-que, games, and pottery all taking place at a mountain an hour and a half away. Should be a lot of fun. Zach says he'll be there, his line is +145*. (Zach, in my estimation, has never been up at 8:30 a.m. in his time in Korea.) ((Still up from the night before does not count in this situation.)) Just kidding Big Guy.

*Does making lines on whether someone "no shows" help or hurt my case of addiction?

I'll be back with pictures and stories on Monday.

What else will they think of

Google Goggles: Saving one relationship, job, and frienship at a time.

Interview with Meg part II

1) How is the hiking in Korea?
I absolutely love hiking in Korea. Keep in mind that I have only gone twice, but each time was equally rewarding. Even though there are so many people hiking the same mountain, you have plenty of opportunities to escape and venture off on your own little path. I actually enjoy seeing all of the people. It is such a scenic and cultural experience.

2) What do you think of the Korean hiking outfits?
Wow! They really take their hiking to a whole different level. I was so overwhelmed and felt a little out of place in my jeans and tennis shoes. You have plenty of opportunities to purchase your hiking gear on the way up to the entrance of the mountain. Koreans get fully decked out in hiking boots, hiking pants, shirts, vests (the vest is an essential accessory if you want to be cool), backpacks, hiking canes (two if you are really a pro), gloves, water bottles, blankets, and of course, the makoli (Korean rice wine).

My first impression was that they are being a little bit ridiculous with all of their gear. Deep down inside, I was definitely feeling a bit jealous. I really wanted one of those canes or walking sticks. As I stated earlier, some hikers were sporting two canes. OK, now that is just being selfish!

Next time I hike, I will have to take a picture of some of the hiking gear kiosks. I think the true hikers are addicted to this gear. The hikers who are already decked out are swarming the stands while the kiosk owners start shouting out their limited time offers. It truly is something you have to see with your own eyes.
If you are wondering, yes, I did show up a little more prepared on my second hiking adventure. I went out and purchased an official hiking shirt. I also got some pretty nice track pants as well. Needless to say, I still felt pretty left out that I didn’t have a vest or a hiking cane. I don’t think I will ever purchase anything else hiking related, but I thoroughly enjoy and respect the people who do. Besides, I am way cooler than anybody in my hot pink hiking shirt.

3) How about Makoli?

As I briefly explained, makoli is a traditional Korean rice wine. It is tradition to take a bottle (maybe more than one, I have no idea) up the mountain with you when you hike. I was pretty baffled by the idea of hiking and wine. Honestly, how could I have been so surprised that they cannot even go hiking without a little booze in them??

Personally, I was not too impressed with the taste of makoli. I do not even think I can accurately describe it. I have never tasted anything like it before. It has a bit of a bitter taste, but is definitely easy to get down. I would not be able to drink much of it simply because I just do not care for it. Regardless, I could not have been happier being on top of that boulder, enjoying nature, and sharing a few drinks with Chris.

4) I found it funny that there are so many paved hiking trails, what did you think about the concrete paths?

I think the paths are great. I cannot say I gave them much use because I was enjoying the “off trail” hiking. I noticed that a great majority of hikers are a bit older. For them, the paved paths are essential. It is a great way for those who can no longer frolic around creeks and boulders to still enjoy what the mountain has to offer. I also used the paved paths as a guide to get back to the bottom of the mountain, so I feel they were pretty useful.

5) What is your favorite part?

I think you asked me this question because you know I have a weakness. I can never pick just one favorite thing about an experience!!

The entire day is quite eventful. Your journey begins the moment you leave the subway station. People are selling a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables immediately outside of the station. You are surrounded by hikers and literally have no other option but to go with the flow. Everyone begins their journey up to the mountain entrance, which is a good 25 minute walk from the subway. On the way up, you pass by hundreds of tiny kiosks, all really selling the same exact thing. If you forgot your hiking gear, you will easily find all you need from these street vendors and shops. If you like fish, you are in luck. Every other stand is cooking fresh fish over an open flame. Plenty of tasty treats are available for those who do not care for fish, but fish is definitely the most common.

Once you finally make your way through the hustle and bustle, the journey up the mountain begins. Hikers can pick from two different routes to take. From these two routes, you can find yourself endless paths and trails to take. I love the different scenes you stumble across on your way. For starters, you can expect to randomly stumble upon a rest area/fitness area. Here, you will find people resting to grab a bite to eat, drink some makoli, lift weights, or hula hoop. Yes, I said hula hoop. I also enjoy passing by people picnicking and drinking makoli. Everyone seems so at peace and completely at ease.

The sound of loud steps and chatty voices is a great way to know it is time to head back. Also, a Korean saying “Down” to you is a pretty good sign as well…People begin their descent back down the mountain around 5:30 or so. I am not sure if it is a rule to leave at a certain time, but everyone seems to head back together. I am always sad to head back, but I know my day is not yet complete.

On the way back through the hustle and bustle, you will find all of the hikers enjoying a victory meal along with their soju. Chris and I skip the soju, but we do enjoy our own victory meal. We each get a sausage and a beer. The last time we went hiking, we really did not want a beer. Honestly, all we said was “sausage doogay joosayo”, which literally means “sausage two please bring me.” No one mentioned anything about beer, yet the lady gave Chris and I each a tall, frosty mug filled to the brim with beer. Needless to say, we couldn’t turn it down. Beer or no beer, I love our victory meal. It is great to see everyone laughing, eating, drinking, and feeling accomplished. To sum it up, I love love love hiking in Korea!

*Editor's Note- Here are some ideas for unofficial Korean slogans-
1) "Korea, where every meal comes with alochol, even if you don't want it."
2) "We drink more than the Irish"
I could go on.... but I'll spare you some lame jokes.
Thank You Meg